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Sodfather · Feb 14, 2004, 12:31 am

Just imagine the following paper which I composed last night for one of my classes is a regular news article in a magazine. I can't say anything more about it as its style and purpose are meant to be figured out by the audience themselves. Check it out:

[color=red]What’s in a Forehead?

When the time comes for them to choose a single person to represent their nation, I find that more and more eligible voters in America are resorting to forming educated opinions and debating about the issues at hand. Such preparation can be a tiresome task: forming an educated opinion goes hand-in-hand with sacrificing dozens of minutes of precious time to the local news station and the Cable News Network, and perfectly good gossip time during dinner must be devoted to conversing with family members, as debating with such a diverse array of colleagues is extraordinarily effective in broadening one’s political views.

In order to bypass these elaborate processes which accepting liability for your country’s future formerly required, I have developed a precise and effective method for choosing a suitable candidate. Forget platforms, forget parties, and certainly forget putting unnecessary strain on brain cells as you try to sort fact from fiction during this year’s presidential campaign: the forehead is the only place where you must seek out truth.

My place in history as the father of forehead politics was made apparent to me last week when the forehead of Senator John Kerry, a presidential hopeful in 2004, took the spotlight. It was quite clear by comparing fairly recent photos of his forehead to current ones that Kerry had received injections of Botox. I was appalled more than anyone at the audacity of this man to try and alter his outward appearance. According to his spokesperson, Stephanie Cutter, this cosmetic fraud did not warrant such an outrage:

“You’d think his opponents would have something else to talk about besides John Kerry’s looks.”

What is there to discuss in the entire campaign that is of greater importance than this forehead? If a man tries to hide some petty wrinkles on his forehead, I can only imagine what other deceits lie hidden within him. Having learned a valuable lesson from Mr. Kerry and having always been a fan of shortcuts, I now base all of my political decisions upon the omniscient forehead.

After all, it is quite probable that, after hours of dutiful research, many fibs and fallacies in a candidate’s platform will not make their presence known, but no falsehood can escape the notice of a forehead. When a politician lies during a press conference, the forehead warns the world that a deceit is about with a few well-placed beads of sweat or a layer of gloss refracting the pressuring rays of light from overhead; when he is pondering a tough question rather than beating around the bush, the forehead furrows. Thus, sorting fact from fiction is now an extraordinarily facile task.

Therefore, I am petitioning that the forehead frenzy of the week of February 1, 2004 remain televised for the rest of the 2004 campaign. As long as I have a close-up view of a forehead upon which to form my opinions and as long as candidates refrain from hiding the truth with Botox treatments, I see no need to remind myself of my rights, to consider the consequences of my vote, or to do anything else which most consider of utmost importance in order that a democratic nation might not crumble in the near future.
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Any good or what? I've never written any essaysbased upon politics or society, so if it blows or is inconsistent, blame that fact.

Feb 14, 2004, 12:31 am	#1 (permalink) (top)
Sodfather Igneous Magma Posts: 327	Just imagine the following paper which I composed last night for one of my classes is a regular news article in a magazine. I can't say anything more about it as its style and purpose are meant to be figured out by the audience themselves. Check it out: [color=red]What’s in a Forehead? When the time comes for them to choose a single person to represent their nation, I find that more and more eligible voters in America are resorting to forming educated opinions and debating about the issues at hand. Such preparation can be a tiresome task: forming an educated opinion goes hand-in-hand with sacrificing dozens of minutes of precious time to the local news station and the Cable News Network, and perfectly good gossip time during dinner must be devoted to conversing with family members, as debating with such a diverse array of colleagues is extraordinarily effective in broadening one’s political views. In order to bypass these elaborate processes which accepting liability for your country’s future formerly required, I have developed a precise and effective method for choosing a suitable candidate. Forget platforms, forget parties, and certainly forget putting unnecessary strain on brain cells as you try to sort fact from fiction during this year’s presidential campaign: the forehead is the only place where you must seek out truth. My place in history as the father of forehead politics was made apparent to me last week when the forehead of Senator John Kerry, a presidential hopeful in 2004, took the spotlight. It was quite clear by comparing fairly recent photos of his forehead to current ones that Kerry had received injections of Botox. I was appalled more than anyone at the audacity of this man to try and alter his outward appearance. According to his spokesperson, Stephanie Cutter, this cosmetic fraud did not warrant such an outrage: “You’d think his opponents would have something else to talk about besides John Kerry’s looks.” What is there to discuss in the entire campaign that is of greater importance than this forehead? If a man tries to hide some petty wrinkles on his forehead, I can only imagine what other deceits lie hidden within him. Having learned a valuable lesson from Mr. Kerry and having always been a fan of shortcuts, I now base all of my political decisions upon the omniscient forehead. After all, it is quite probable that, after hours of dutiful research, many fibs and fallacies in a candidate’s platform will not make their presence known, but no falsehood can escape the notice of a forehead. When a politician lies during a press conference, the forehead warns the world that a deceit is about with a few well-placed beads of sweat or a layer of gloss refracting the pressuring rays of light from overhead; when he is pondering a tough question rather than beating around the bush, the forehead furrows. Thus, sorting fact from fiction is now an extraordinarily facile task. Therefore, I am petitioning that the forehead frenzy of the week of February 1, 2004 remain televised for the rest of the 2004 campaign. As long as I have a close-up view of a forehead upon which to form my opinions and as long as candidates refrain from hiding the truth with Botox treatments, I see no need to remind myself of my rights, to consider the consequences of my vote, or to do anything else which most consider of utmost importance in order that a democratic nation might not crumble in the near future. [/color] Any good or what? I've never written any essaysbased upon politics or society, so if it blows or is inconsistent, blame that fact.