Dating websites - Looking for a “buffoon”

[Arrielle]

I am here as I didn’t know where else to be. I would like to share with you my opinion about what men are looking for in a woman, and then to ask you if it’s my “foreign” perspective or other people noticed the same thing.

I’ve been on a dating website, one of the most appreciated by media, for a couple of months and browsing through profiles I realized that there is a trend: men are looking for “buffoons”.
More than 95 % of the men are looking for “an attractive person, happy, confident, fun to be around, who likes adventures, willing to take chances, who has a strong sense of humor, financially stable, independent but who likes to be spoiled, willing to travel”… And the list can continue.
A very few, I could count them on the fingers of one hand, enumerated character traits like honesty, dependability, loyalty …even compatibility.

After some time, I ended up asking myself: should I be gimmick provider; a buffoonery bringer, somebody who brings funny moments in their lives?
Based on my cultural and family background, a woman as well as a man should bring stability in a household, should be each other best friends, life partners, etc…

I am still new in this country and some people told me that I still have many things to learn about it, but I think that some values are cross cultural and applicable worldwide.
For now my only conclusion is that American men are looking for “buffoons”.
Is there something that I missed in those profiles? Should I read something between lines?

[Dieval]

It seems like people have forgotten what's important in a relationship and look for someone who's "attractive" rather than someone who can be their "best friend".. IMO the culture today promotes living for the moment instead of looking towards the future. It also is more about doing what feels good now rather than what is good overall. That would explain why lots of marriages end in divorce..

[Thanatos]

Ignore what men think they want. It's mostly just crazytalk. Pick one you like and say hi.

At a guess, it's a bunch of intensely boring people trying to make themselves seem more interesting by asking for implausibly interesting women that they couldn't tolerate in real life. Trust me. I'm an intensely boring man so I should know.

[Angry Citizen]

I think you're just not looking in the right places. I'm a guy who values intelligence, humor, and sweetness above any of the characteristics you mentioned. I wouldn't date a 'buffoon' even if she was smokin' hot.

[barts]

I'm a guy who values intelligence, humor, and sweetness above any of the characteristics you mentioned.

Now, now, AC, "sweetness" is a stretch.

[JimmyNic]

It's probably something to do with the sorta guys you get on dating sites. To answer your question of "What are men looking for in a woman?" the answer depends on the guy. I think most people want somebody who is quite similar to them in terms of intelligence, social background (on a subconscious level), sense of humour, religious values. A lot of 20-something men aren't looking to settle down though, they don't want a relationship as a serious pursuit or someone to anchor their life around, they just want fun (read: sex). I've only a bit of experience with dating sites but I think some cater more to casual daters and some cater more to people who want a serious relationship. If I were you I'd try another website.

[Arrielle]

I am sure that there is a matter of website, and on some might be more "serious" persons than on others. However, I was stricken by the similarity in "expectations" among the members: they were all looking for someone who is able to bring some "fun" in their lives.
I do not say that this is not an important factor in a relationship, I just say that this is not the only one, when it comes to longevity and involvement.
Again, I might be biased, based on my upbringing and cultural background, yet..I am sure that there is also a trend in people's expectations and needs in this country. For sure the media had an important "say" in this trend together with the breaking of family and community ties that were determined by the moving from one place to another in searching for better jobs.
I think that a good part of our personal life has to be secured by the extended family and friends as it is impossible for one person to cover all the needs in a couple.

[LetThereBe]

If it is a website that matches by "compatibility" there may be a reason for the unusually high number of people you see of a certain "type". Otherwise it is probably a peculiarity of the online dating demographic.

As one that has been quite active on one such site for about six months (with no success) I've noticed some patterns that seem misrepresentative of the population at large:
1. Vegetarians that specifically dislike cilantro
2. Bisexuals
3. Veterinarians and veterinary students


Anyway, if you want actual advice I would suggest taking the initiative. I realize it is traditional (at least in the US) for the male to take the lead, but at least some men are trying the online dating thing because of an inability to do so. No real harm can come from being proactive, so shoot a couple messages to those that seem like they might be tolerable human beings.

[Zeebadee]

Now here's a great mutually beneficial dating website:

The #1 Sugar Daddy Dating & Sugar Baby Personals

[Arrielle]

Now here's a great mutually beneficial dating website:

The #1 Sugar Daddy Dating & Sugar Baby Personals[/url]

what does this website have to do with anything???

[Zeebadee]

what does this website have to do with anything???

It's an alternative to your dating website, with links to dates that are "Attractive, intelligent, ambitious and goal oriented", not "buffoons".

[Arrielle]

It's an alternative to your dating website, with links to dates that are "Attractive, intelligent, ambitious and goal oriented", not "buffoons".

i think you did not get my point.