My Day At The Park

[ruksak]

I took my 10 year old daughter to a local park yesterday. A nice rural park equipped with a nice array of playground equipment that sits cropped on the edge of a heavily wooded area with abundant nature trails. We arrived at the park, got out of our Jeep and we were laughing and ready for a short nature hike.

We went down the trail, into the woods and enjoyed a 20 minute walk through nature. Observing nature and talking about life. A really nice day with my girl. We exited the nature trail and headed toward the playground, passing an older woman with what was apparently her 3 grandchildren. Me and my daughter had the playground to ourselves where we had a great time playing for about 20-25 minutes. She said she was thirsty so we went to the Jeep to get a cold Pepsi. Just then the clouds opened up and it started raining, hard. Obviously our day out had come to an end so we packed up and drove off home. Which was only 3-5 minutes away. Once we got home we relaxed for about 20 minutes and started baking sugar cookies. Just then, a knock at the door. First thing I thought is "oooohhh I left my lights on and one of my neighbors is here to tell me my Jeep lights are on", which I clicked on due to the unusually heavy rain fall on the drive home.

The person at the door was a police officer. He asked if my name was Kenneth, I responded "yes".

"Were you just at the park with a little girl"?

"Yes, I was", I said.

"Is she here with you now"

"Yes, shes right there". I called her over to the door. The officer proceeded to engage her "Is this your daddy? Were you guys just hiking at the park"?

She answered him, while I'm thinking "WTF is this all about".

He motioned me to walk with him toward the street and while we were walking he started in with "Lemme tell ya what this is all about. I received a complaint that you were seen acting suspiciously and then grabbed a girl by the hands and you led her into the woods, stopping and looking behind you as you walked in to make sure no one was following you. A lady at the park wrote down you license plate number and called us to urgently arrive, as you were now leaving the scene. I took her statement, ran your plate number and garnered your address. Thats is why I am here".

At first this all was so unusually disarming, my initial impression was that this was ultimately a good thing. With all creeps we hear about on the news, its best to be socially conscious and report such things.

As the night went on, the incident began to bother me quite greatly. I'm thinking of the way my daughter was so happy and bouncing around, playing and, by all reasonable appearances, was happy both before, and after, hiking with her dad in the woods. And for whatever reason, a citizen managed to become so alarmed by what she saw that she went to the considerable trouble to surreptitiously jot down my plate number and subsequently report the "incident" to the police. Thus starting what was in essence, a child sexual assault investigation.

The question I wish to propose is "At what point does it become reasonable to do such a thing"? To be socially conscious and aware of crime against children, as has been spurred on and shoved down our throats via alarmist media reports, is a good thing. But what happened to me seemed to be a case of someone out there taking a good intention and twisting it into an irresponsible over action.

The only thing that was witnessed was a father and his daughter having a great day together in the beautiful outdoors. But it was perceived by a random citizen as something dark, horrible and quite alarming.

The debate/conversation I wish to engage is:
Was it the media that did this to her? That made her so paranoid of child predators? Was it society itself? Why did this happen? Was it reasonable?

[Muckraker]

The debate/conversation I wish to engage is:
Was it the media that did this to her? That made her so paranoid of child predators? Was it society itself? Why did this happen? Was it reasonable?

I think it was the old woman's sexist leanings fueled by the media. Our society has an underlying problem with men, especially male relationships with children.

It has gotten to the point where I feel self conscious playing with my own kids at the park. I make sure I'm not having too much fun. I make sure nothing I'm doing can be misconstrued as "sexual." And when I'm sitting on the bench I make sure to call out my kids' names every so often so new arrivals at the park can connect me with my kids. After all, a male sitting on a bench watching kids play is clearly a molester while a woman doing the same thing is just a woman sitting on a bench.

Women kidnappers must have such an easy time of it. All they have to do is single out the father at the park, scream, "kidnapper," and quietly slink away with his kid in tow while a mob of concerned patrons beats the crap out of the guy.

[Apeman81]

First, I congratulate you on, from all appearances, a reasoned response to what occurred. You clearly see the pro and con of the actions of the woman involved. As well, the actions of the officer.

Was the woman paranoid? Did she “see” more than she saw?

Do enough Father’s go to parks with their children? Daughters?

Do enough men go to parks to engage children, especially girls, in their crimes?

Did the responding officer appropriately handle the situation?

In the case you present, I personally would adopt a “better safe than sorry” attitude. Certainly, that may not work for you. My reasoning keys upon the officer’s quite professional behavior in establishing the facts and explaining the situation to you.

Did the reporting woman overreact? You should review in your mind your actions at that time and allow for an outside view. Was she a responsible citizen? Or a nosey neighbor? I am a much more direct person, and, if I suspected your actions, would have monitored your actions for confirmation of my fears. To me, far better for me to simply deny you the privacy required to do any wrong than hide and call in the cavalry after the fact. To each their own.

Of course, my actions would be thought of by many as “vigilantism”. Such has been the media coverage of any who dare to believe that they can effectively participate in crime prevention of any sort.

As for the negative press given to men and children, that is part and parcel of the degradation of the father’s role in child rearing to one of support payer. After all, what Father actually has time for his children?

No easy answers her. Case by case review seems logical

[ruksak]

It has gotten to the point where I feel self conscious playing with my own kids at the park.

I never have before. Maybe I'm naive, but I never felt like eyes were on me in that manner. But now? Now every time, I'm going to feel suspicious eyes upon me when I'm with my daughter. And I'm with my daughter alot. We go everywhere together. I feel cheated somehow.

Did the responding officer appropriately handle the situation?

He did. He had to follow up on it. He did what he had to do and even shook my hand before he left. His interaction with my daughter was two questions. He saw that it was an unreasonable leap in logic that this woman had engaged in. I even asked him "She said I acted suspiciously? What did she say I did that was suspicious"? He answered "I pressed her on that and she was unclear".

You should review in your mind your actions at that time and allow for an outside view. Was she a responsible citizen? Or a nosey neighbor?

I have. Over and over. From the outside looking in, by all REASONABLE appearances, it would appear to be a father and daughter on a hike. This is where I ask myself "What if I saw this exact sequence of events? How would I react? What would I think?

I would have to honestly answer that I would think nothing of it without extenuating circumstance to add to it. Something that looked wrong. Maybe if the little girl emerged from the woods looking distraught or troubled and the two got into the vehicle and left immediately. Maybe if I saw that her clothes were disheveled. SOMETHING! I honestly cannot imagine myself jumping to such a far fetched conclusion without some sort of reasonable cause to be alarmed. Besides of course just seeing a man and a girl together.

As Muckraker eluded to, society has spawned a sexual stigma concerning a middle aged man with a young girl. For whatever reason, sex has become tied to this visual.

Maybe I'm the one that doesn't get it? Or rather, didn't get it. I never felt this way before. Now I will always feel awkward while doing such things with my 10 year old daughter. We go fishing, hiking and camping alot and I have never felt awkward about how this might appear to outsiders. Now I am burdened with societies unreasonable sexual stigma.

Do I blame Chris Hanson? Myself?

[Apeman81]

Maybe I'm the one that doesn't get it? Or rather, didn't get it. I never felt this way before. Now I will always feel awkward while doing such things with my 10 year old daughter. We go fishing, hiking and camping alot and I have never felt awkward about how this might appear to outsiders. Now I am burdened with societies unreasonable sexual stigma.

Dismiss such thoughts. That’s my advice. Yours was a once in a lifetime event. (at least statistically, you may be the one to whom it happens multiple time to make up for those who never have such an experience. )

Don’t let this experience taint what seems to be a wonderful relationship with your child. It is your duty as a father to keep such from your child until such time as it becomes salient to her life.

[moustache]

I just want to say that I am thoroughly upset after reading your story. The fact that our country has developed into some kind of police state, where the government is continuously watching us, (even indirectly as in this case), is crazy.

That being said, This woman was most likely taught by our society and media that people are inherently evil (she is most likely a regular viewer of the local "news".) That is why she was so quick to call big brother to your home where they interrogated your poor daughter.

[ruksak]

I just want to say that I am thoroughly upset after reading your story. The fact that our country has developed into some kind of police state, where the government is continuously watching us, (even indirectly as in this case), is crazy.

That being said, This woman was most likely taught by our society and media that people are inherently evil (she is most likely a regular viewer of the local "news".) That is why she was so quick to call big brother to your home where they interrogated your poor daughter.

I appreciate the sentiment. After talking with friends and co-workers, the general response is outrage at what was obviously a careless attempt at social consciousness.

I would encourage people to continue to be diligent about observing crime, especially when children are involved. But conversely, exercise due diligence in your observations.

The sight of a man playing happily with a little girl in a park should not suffice as reason enough to invoke thoughts of sex abuse.

I have been complimented from day one that my daughter came to be for my caring nature with her. I review her studies. I engage her in philosophical discussion. I take her all around and expose her to culture and the inherent beauty of nature. Not to sound selfish but......this is what I get in return? A cop knocking on my door, in essence, making sure I didn't just rape her in the woods?

Sick, this world is sick.