I reported the following to my dear Passiona, “I’m only five miles back up the stairway to heaven on earth, and am posting from my cell phone. I’m carrying all sorts of documents to the surface that have never seen the light of day. Oops, I just dropped the sad story of the Kennedy brothers, and about Marilyn Monroe’s death, but I’d noted that the mafia hired foreign assassins, to cover their tracks. And, darn, there goes the report on Roswell Area 51, which was too long to read… Am six miles up, now. 17 more to go. I can still see the throne of doom below, snakes curled all around and under it…”
“Cripes,” Passiona responded.
I reached the top. “That’s the story, sweety-heart,” said Austino. “You’re looking good, my dear Passiona. Now that the 2012 is solved, we can get back to business. And I’ll tell the rest of those secret stories soon. ”
“The air is balmy and your motion is dynamic,” she said.
Passiona was so hot, she had to cool off! And suddenly Passiona disappeared in a poof of mist. For some reason, Austino was suddenly covered head to TOE with vapor, drenched with a very sweet scent.
“Holy Toledo Austino, You make sure you keep those top secret files, documents and whatnot secure in your grasp. I am seriously curious, so curious in fact that you simply must, just must read every word to me. I’m dying to know what you have. And I might add, about Area 51; I think they should release it.”
“Dear Seriously Curious,” Austino related. “Right now I have a deadly container of biological germ warfare, if you are really dying to know, but, I threw that away real fast. What I have handy is the President’s Book, written by past Presidents and readable only by a President in office. This is the only copy of all secrets, except for what I also have, at least those that the CIA told the Presidents about. I have access, since I know the President, and to all the CIA secrets as well. DIA, too.
“The current President—I dare not reveal his name, due to the security guidelines—but his name starts with ‘O’, was formerly of Chicago, Illinois, near where I lived, in Oak Park, but that is not where I met him, only knowing him in Chicago all the more there after he arrived, and rose to power as a Senator. We met in Punahau, Oahu, Hawaii, at the basketball court of Punahau High School. He was on the team and I was a spectator, living, between secret assignments, in a tower in Punahau, at one end of the rainbow that crossed over the Manoa Valley from the University of Hawaii. We kept in touch, and the rest is history. Finally, we have a President who understands the value of science, but we still cannot talk about his secrets, so please strike all this from the record.
“I will only be telling relatively old secrets, maybe, that have no current value to our enemies. I can also discount many rumors that are simply not true, for example, the Chinese are not trying to conquer us by slipping sneaky ingredients into vaccines and pharmaceuticals, of which they make many. It takes a long time to get approval by the FDA, plus, the last thing any business would want would be to have the bad publicity of some huge tainted pill problem. Paranoia strikes deep.
“Anyway, according to Nelson DeMille, one time Russia was running a Charm School to train its more whitish looking northerners to pose as Americans to infiltrate our infrastructure. They were using our Vietnam prisoners of war as instructors of all aspects of American society. They even built a model of Main Street, USA, complete with working banks, hair salons, and the whole nine yards of a football field. Not only did the American ‘instructors’ subtly teach the wrong stuff of inaccurate nuances, so as to expose the spies eventually, but we also we found out about the place and nerve-gassed most of it, retaining some of the Russians to become double agents that then spied on Russia for us.”
Meanwhile, Austino is still drenched in the alluring fragrance of the vapor that permeated on through to his soul. He said that “the inundation of the bouquet of aroma was irresistible in its redolence.”
William of Ockham, known as Occam
Led a simple life, for he didn’t have a wife.