The importance of dying

**Bright Garlick** · 28th March 2009, 02:26 AM

Dying plays an important role in life. What things do you feel we need to do/be with our dying ?

For example :

A friend of mine needed to forgive himself and ask for the forgiveness of his children, so that he could be at peace.

A former client of mine, needed to be himself, after a life time of being someone else, to please others.

**Maryjane** · 28th March 2009, 03:10 AM

Quote by: Bright Garlick

Dying plays an important role in life. What things do you feel we need to do/be with our dying ?

For example :

A friend of mine needed to forgive himself and ask for the forgiveness of his children, so that he could be at peace.

A former client of mine, needed to be himself, after a life time of being someone else, to please others.

At peace with themselves seems to fit both criteria, wouldn't you agree?

**marlene** · 28th March 2009, 03:48 AM

Because in most cases dying is a messy business, I suspect that when we see it coming, if we are conscious at all, we don't focus on such deep matters but rather on much more mundane ones.

Someone, I think it was Katherine Whitehorn writing in the Guardian many years ago, wrote that she was afraid she would probably die with the song "Bongo bongo bongo, I don't want to leave the Congo" going through her head. Anyone remember that? Google isn't helping, for once.

It is possible, though, that the awareness that we shall die may influence our behaviour at times. We don't want to feel a heel on our deathbeds.

**Clementine** · 28th March 2009, 10:02 AM

I don't really think a lot about dying.

It is something that is going to happen and I can't change that. I have prepared somewhat because I have children. So we have a will to ensure that they are cared for.

Most of my family and friends know I would like a party atmosphere and I don't need to be buried. Cremation is fine.

I really don't have any regrets. I try to live for today.

**PlatoNot** · 28th March 2009, 02:32 PM

Quote by: Bright Garlick

Dying plays an important role in life. What things do you feel we need to do/be with our dying ?

My Father-in-law asked his wife to forgive him for infidelity on his death bed. People frequently ask for forgiveness from others on their death beds.

Some ask forgiveness from God. A friends father serves as a striking example. He kept calling out, "They are coming after me with black horses. Please God, forgive me." Just before he expired, he turned to his son and said, "Its OK, son, they are coming after me with white horses."

As for me, I hope I can say what Christ said, "Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit:"

**VanWeyden** · 28th March 2009, 02:33 PM

Maybe I'm a little weird, but I think of death as a time at which I can rest. Up until then, I feel that I need to try to help out. Kinda vague, I know. But death is the ultimate due date. I think it's a good thing.

Normally, I try to base my posts on something, but this one can stand as an exception because there is no real source other than experience for this one. I'm gonna put that off for a while.

**Maryjane** · 28th March 2009, 04:47 PM

Within minutes of finding out he only had a 20% chance of surviving emergency open heart surgery, and knowing he could go at any second, my husband's worry was not for himself, but for the family he would leave behind. As he lay on the CT scan, the secret he shared with me was of money hidden in a shoe in a closet at home. I kept telling him to stop talking and be still so his heart would not burst, but it was important to him that I had this information.

Moments later our sons arrived. He impressed upon the oldest to look out for his younger siblings. His desire was for the four of us to pull together as a family. He called after me as I exited the room, not to tell his father, who was undergoing chemo and radiation treatment for bone cancer 600+ miles away. He didn't want his father's treatment hampered by his own illness.

Us being OK after he died is what brought him peace of mind. I feel the same, as I've taken all the necessary steps to lessen my family's load when it happens to me.

**viper** · 28th March 2009, 06:10 PM

To be honest I don't think about it a lot. Sure I know that it'll happen, but I haven't accepted it. I think the day that you peacefully accept the fact that you will die is the day before it happens. I'm not saying you could live forever if you thought you could, but I think dying is a lot more mental expiration in a lot of cases then it is physical. Think of all the countless stories you've heard of people who were supposed to die 3 months or whatever after be diagnosed with some disease, only to be alive years later. If those people had peacefully accepted death instead of getting mad and wanting to live, then they might just've died 3 months later to the date.
Last night on the news I saw a story about a 90 year old man taking flying lessons, sure he's beyond the 'life expectancy', sure he's at an age most would consider 'to old' to be doing such things, but he seems to have called BS on that. And that's how you have to live I think; don't let any doctors or people with statistics tell you when you'll die, or when you're to old to do things, live like you'll die tomorrow, but don't, and when you finally do, go out giving the grim reaper the middle finger.

**brisbane buddy** · 28th March 2009, 08:31 PM

Quote by: Bright Garlick

Dying plays an important role in life. What things do you feel we need to do/be with our dying ?

For example :

A friend of mine needed to forgive himself and ask for the forgiveness of his children, so that he could be at peace.

A former client of mine, needed to be himself, after a life time of being someone else, to please others.

What do I think? I think people should have a life before they die. When you are "Knocking on Heavens Door," is no time to be looking for answers and correcting perceived mistakes and misgivings of the past.

Dying plays an important part in life, it keeps the world from becoming overpopulated and allows new life to be generated and formed. It is a natural progression to the better. Can you just imagine the crap we would have to put up with forever, if eternal life was given to us 100, 50, 30 years ago. What about the crap we would always have to put up with if we gained the knowledge of eternal life now.

I can only agree with you, dying plays and important role in life. It should be rejoiced, not mourned. I have already picked my music for my funeral and set the stage for the show. I figure on having Suzi Quatro start the show, with a bit of Devils Gate Drive as the party goes take their places.... followed in quick succession by a bit of Kenny Loggins as the rejoicers get a bit "Footloose," and as the late comers enter, a little bit of Aussie legend as ACDC takes us on the "Highway to Hell."

To sum my life up in a nutshell, I have selected two Choir Boys songs, "Boys will be boys," and "Run to Paradise," with a little Cold Chisel and Jimmy Barnes thrown in, nothing like a bit of "cheap wine and a three day growth", to go with a "working class man." Throw in a bit of Lou Reed, with "I'm so Free," and Simon and Garfunkle with "Feelin Groovy," before Jimmy Morrison would conclude this segment as the Doors, take us for a "Ride on the Storm."

Then as my gift and special tribute to all those loved ones in attendance, I would play this song to make sure they knew just what I thought of them, it is by Joe Cocker, and the words of "You are so Beautiful," would convey my sentiments exactly, albeit they already know this of me.

I never did get into this mourning crap.

Cheers.

**Tycoon** · 29th March 2009, 12:26 AM

Dying plays an important role in life. What things do you feel we need to do/be with our dying ?

Nothing matters whatsoever. You could have the worst life ever but in the end it wouldn't matter, because as soon as you die your consciousness and your memories are destroyed, and you enter nothingness, where it is as if your previous life had not even existed.