All that is is evasion...and it doesn't matter if you ' were ' a christian at one point...you, by your own admission, have spent the last 30 years in denial of it...You mean like the assumption without evidence that god exists?
long enough to embed deep-seated prejudices.
I find that most people who turn to religion do it for the same reasons other people turn away from it...and neither has anything to do with the religion itself.
do not show me that you have read the bible as you claim...what it does show me is a lack of scriptural knowledge. And if by chance you did read it you couldn't have possibly understood it based upon that statement.The Bible praises faith, belief without evidence or question.
Maybe this is why you turned away from it...not because it was wrong for you...but because you couldn't understand it...so your own inability to understand drove you away?
Before you can understand religion you first and foremost need to understand what religion is.
Jesus came to heal the sick, he said himself he did not come to heal the healthy...Siddhattha explained religion as a raft that you use to cross a river then you let it go, you don't carry the raft upon your back...religion is a means to an end...and once you understand that your prejudice will vanish toward them.
It seems to me you need to be an atheist as much as some people need to be religious...you are both in need of a physician...both in need of a raft...
if you really understood...you would not let your prejudice guide your thoughts.