Jesus hates figs!

[barts]

Jesus and the Lord Almighty hate figs. Despite smiting them so that fig trees never bear figs again, they continue to this day to bear figs and people eat figs.

So evil are figs that Jesus and the Lord kill them for no other reason than fig trees don't bear fruit when they want to eat.

What should we do about it? I say we should pass laws to ban figs, tear up all fig trees, and have the churches preach edicts that people who eat or grow figs will not have life everlasting.

What say you?

Matthew 21

18 Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry.
19 Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered.
20 When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?" they asked.
21Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.
22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Mark 11

12 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry.
13 Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs.
14 Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it.

Not only does Jesus hate figs, so does the Lord Almighty.

Jeremiah 29

17 yes, this is what the LORD Almighty says: "I will send the sword, famine and plague against them and I will make them like poor figs that are so bad they cannot be eaten.

See? There can be no doubt that figs are evil, and must be torn from the Earth, lest they corrupt our families and whole way of life.

Burn the figs.I say? Praise be to Jesus!

[GeminiBrian]

Jesus and the Lord Almighty hate figs. Despite smiting them so that fig trees never bear figs again, they continue to this day to bear figs and people eat figs.

So evil are figs that Jesus and the Lord kill them for no other reason than fig trees don't bear fruit when they want to eat.

What should we do about it? I say we should pass laws to ban figs, tear up all fig trees, and have the churches preach edicts that people who eat or grow figs will not have life everlasting.


See? There can be no doubt that figs are evil, and must be torn from the Earth, lest they corrupt our families and whole way of life.

Burn the figs.I say? Praise be to Jesus!

Don't give those nice Fred Phelps followers more ideas - soon we'll be seeing them carrying banners saying:

"GOD HATES FIGS ALMOST AS MUCH AS HE HATES FAGS"

(or in reverse order maybe)...

[Darkinstine]

Well obviously his attitude would have changed if the newton was around. Who doesn't like the cake that eats like a cookie?

[Aussie]

Hey, there's a new superpower I didn't know about Jesus, he can kill trees with his magic wand!

And dont get me started with those evil crustaceans!!!

Oh man, look at the site I just found, what a find!!

God Hates Shrimp

[Compugasm]

Something else I didn't know about Jesus: He talks to trees like crazy people do.

[brisbane buddy]

Jesus and God Almighty hate figs..... and figs most probably hate them. I wonder if this means figs are atheists?

Cheers.

[minorwork]

Jesus and God Almighty hate figs..... and figs most probably hate them. I wonder if this means figs are atheists?

Cheers.

Hey brisbane, old buddy. You're telling me you can't see God's humour? Come on in. Let's make Him laugh. I know how. Do you?

Beers.

[brisbane buddy]

Hey brisbane, old buddy. You're telling me you can't see God's humour? Come on in. Let's make Him laugh. I know how. Do you?

Beers.

Minor, I see humour in many things. And I talk to spirits regularly, generally to the spirit of Jim Beam. But let me warn you, never abuse the Spirit of Jim Beam, for he is a vindictive spirit, he will abuse you back in the morning.

Cheers.

[minorwork]

Minor, I see humour in many things. And I talk to spirits regularly, generally to the spirit of Jim Beam. But let me warn you, never abuse the Spirit of Jim Beam, for he is a vindictive spirit, he will abuse you back in the morning.

I hear that. I used to go gold panning in Indiana. We'd pan all day and drink Yukon Jack at the hotel. Oh buddy. If you wanna' make God laugh, tell him your plans.

Beers

[I Am]

If this weren't about the Bible, it might be funny.

Alright, in Matthew 21, Jesus cursed ONE, INDIVIDUAL fig tree, because it wasn't bearing fruit, like it's supposed to. That's what fruit trees are supposed to do, bear fruit. He wasn't destining the entire future population of fig trees to wither, or whatever you're saying.

Jeremiah 29:17 NKJV - "Thus says the Lord of hosts: Behold I will send on them the sword, the famine, and the pestilence, and will make them like rotten figs that cannot be eaten, they are so bad."

The figs rotten, he's not saying they're just naturally nasty. You wouldn't wanna eat a rotten apple, would you?

[GeminiBrian]

If this weren't about the Bible, it might be funny.

If this weren't about the Bible, it might be funny?...

Usually, when you start to see the funny side of things, you realise just how ridiculous they were all along.

But then, the bible is one of the most preposterous books ever written.

[barts]

If this weren't about the Bible, it might be funny.

Alright, in Matthew 21, Jesus cursed ONE, INDIVIDUAL fig tree, because it wasn't bearing fruit, like it's supposed to. That's what fruit trees are supposed to do, bear fruit. He wasn't destining the entire future population of fig trees to wither, or whatever you're saying.

Jeremiah 29:17 NKJV - "Thus says the Lord of hosts: Behold I will send on them the sword, the famine, and the pestilence, and will make them like rotten figs that cannot be eaten, they are so bad."

The figs rotten, he's not saying they're just naturally nasty. You wouldn't wanna eat a rotten apple, would you?

Jesus cursed a fig tree! That's ridiculous. It's a tree, for God's sake! How's it supposed to know what it's supposed to do? It's a f*****g tree! Who knows maybe it was doing it's best. And Jesus and God trashed it. That's really cruel, and just plain mean.

It's amazing. No matter how absolutely irrationally stupid and cruel Jesus and God get, there's someone who'll defend them.

Nobody who has any sense at all kills a fig tree because it didn't happen to have some figs for you to eat when you walked by, except Jesus. Not only did Jesus curse the poor tree, he punished it by decreeing it would never bear fruit again. Why? What possible good can come from that? It was just a tree.

In Mark's version, the tree wasn't even in season, and Jesus condemned it. The tree couldn't have produced a fig for Jesus even if it wanted to.

I Am, I'm sure if there was a passage in the Bible about Jesus eating babies after raping their mothers, believers would praise it.

Have believers lost all critical capacity?