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Flip Jackson · Aug 28, 2005, 05:53 pm

Here is a story for ya'll. Get the popcorn and have a good time.

When I was at work this last week, something miraculous hapened! One of my Hispanic buddies was at the vending machine and seemed to be having a problem. I went up to him and saw that the machine wouldn't take his money.......Tragic, of course. I watched as he repeatedly tried to stick the bill in, and it got rejected. Then it finally got stuck halfway in. My friend yanked the bill out, obviously distraught. Out of the goodness of my heart, I opened my wallet, grabbed one of my somewhat more crisp bills, and handed it over to my co-worker. Such a heartless act! When the machine took my bill, I was given the less aesthetically pleasing bill. So I wasn't actually out any money, but a lot of effort was necessary for the good act, let me tell you.

Well, in a display of divinity, two Powerades were realeased. Hy little Hispanic friend looked surprised. He grabbed the two bottles and handed me one. Surely this was a blessing for my good deed! Can you dispute the evidence?

**Jack** · Aug 28, 2005, 06:07 pm

Nope. Absolutely I would have to agree you have proven the existance of god. Please forgive me my previous disbelief.

Is this god good for those little packages of smoked almonds, too, or is that too much to ask?

LetThereBe · Aug 28, 2005, 06:20 pm

I do like smoked almonds....

SoccerfreakAB2 · Aug 28, 2005, 06:31 pm

And if three powerades came out, would that mean God was more real, or the machine was more broken?

rez · Aug 28, 2005, 07:18 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Flip Jackson

Here is a story for ya'll. Get the popcorn and have a good time.

When I was at work this last week, something miraculous hapened! One of my Hispanic buddies was at the vending machine and seemed to be having a problem. I went up to him and saw that the machine wouldn't take his money.......Tragic, of course.

Ok this is where THE STORY SHOULD STOP because I would of handed the person a crisper dollar right away.....

Quote:

I watched as he repeatedly tried to stick the bill in, and it got rejected. Then it finally got stuck halfway in. My friend yanked the bill out, obviously distraught. Out of the goodness of my heart, I opened my wallet, grabbed one of my somewhat more crisp bills, and handed it over to my co-worker. Such a heartless act! When the machine took my bill, I was given the less aesthetically pleasing bill. So I wasn't actually out any money, but a lot of effort was necessary for the good act, let me tell you.

There should of been NO EFFORT at all because you should of handed him the crisp bill right away...no questions asked...You are just shitty mormon. The atheist would of handed him the bill right away, no questions asked.

Quote:

Well, in a display of divinity, two Powerades were realeased. Hy little Hispanic friend looked surprised. He grabbed the two bottles and handed me one. Surely this was a blessing for my good deed! Can you dispute the evidence?

Powerade contains sugar....bad mormon bad! God is only trying to tell you he is sending you to hell.

Prometheus · Aug 28, 2005, 10:17 pm

rez - you are so rabid in your atheistic views that you cannot even see satire when it hits you in the face. You got trolled. Tool.

And he wasn't even trying to troll. So you are a double tool. You are blinded by your militant hatered.

Critter · Aug 28, 2005, 10:18 pm

Hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Free Powerade is free Powerade!

Flip Jackson · Aug 28, 2005, 10:21 pm

Isherwood, I am not sure about the almonds......A tough question. I would venture to say yes, but it is tough to be sure. He may be partial to drinks.......

Soccer, perhaps if two Powerades came out, we would have evidence of two Gods, both of which thought it was necessary to reward my obvious good deed. A broken machine is always a possiblity, but maybe God broke it to reward me.....:)

Rez, don't get me wrong, I was merely embellishing the story. You must understand, my Latino friend was rather intent on getting his bill into that machine. I could do little to stop his efforts until he realized for himself that his dollar was insufficient. Then I readily imparted my dollar to the poor soul. Also, my Spanish leaves something lacking, so if I had tried to stop him while he wasn't paying attention to me, he might not have realized I was talking to him. The effort came from having to get the wallet out of my pocket, not giving the man the dollar. Money means very little to me, but I hate unecessary movement.

Can Mormons not have sugar? This is something that could have been brought to my attention yesterday! I have eaten the yogurt in my lunch for years, and it has sugar.......I guess I have taken the sugary road down to perdition.......How sad. I might have to cry myself to sleep tonight. I might have to drown my sorrows in a Powerade. Do you think there is Powerade in hell. It might not be too bad in that case.

I feel the need to correct my original story. My act was "selfless" not "heartless." My enthusiasm in the event rattled me a bit. My apologies.

Prometheus · Aug 28, 2005, 10:23 pm

I hate gatorate. It tastes like nothing more then salty coolaid. Powerade is yummy though.

rez · Aug 28, 2005, 11:03 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Prometheus

rez - you are so rabid in your atheistic views that you cannot even see satire when it hits you in the face. You got trolled. Tool.

And he wasn't even trying to troll. So you are a double tool. You are blinded by your militant hatered.

You hit it on the head Prometheus - It is always a joke when a theist debates about God, this post is no different. This means this post has the same basic argument that a creationist would present against evolution. The ironic thing is, a scientist would actually try and correct the creationist, which you know sparks debate. It is funny when I read "you are so rabid in your atheistic views that you cannot even see satire" because all I have to do is switch the word "atheistic" with "rational" and the sentence makes complete sense. I agree, I do not even know why atheists (rational thinkers) even give the time of day to theists (irrational thinkers) because you and I know the theist debate is totally out in left field ie (MerlinsByte). In conclusion, I am always laughing at the preaching theist, however, I will always show respect to those who keep their god(s) in their own head. Prometheus, you actually keep your beliefs to yourself- why don't you teach other theists how to do this?

P.S. I do not understand what "trolled" means especially since you said I was "trolled" and then was not "trolled", so please explain.

northtexan · Aug 30, 2005, 04:56 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Flip Jackson

Here is a story for ya'll. Get the popcorn and have a good time.

When I was at work this last week, something miraculous hapened! One of my Hispanic buddies was at the vending machine and seemed to be having a problem. I went up to him and saw that the machine wouldn't take his money.......Tragic, of course. I watched as he repeatedly tried to stick the bill in, and it got rejected. Then it finally got stuck halfway in. My friend yanked the bill out, obviously distraught. Out of the goodness of my heart, I opened my wallet, grabbed one of my somewhat more crisp bills, and handed it over to my co-worker. Such a heartless act! When the machine took my bill, I was given the less aesthetically pleasing bill. So I wasn't actually out any money, but a lot of effort was necessary for the good act, let me tell you.

Well, in a display of divinity, two Powerades were realeased. Hy little Hispanic friend looked surprised. He grabbed the two bottles and handed me one. Surely this was a blessing for my good deed! Can you dispute the evidence?

It hasn't convinced me about the existence of God -- I remain an agnostic. But it has convenced me about the existence of Powerade.

Quote:

Quote by: SoccerfreakAB2

And if three powerades came out, would that mean God was more real, or the machine was more broken?

No, it would prove that the trinitarians are correct. I guess that since there were two Powerades, that means that there must be two gods: good and evil?

Quote:

Quote by: Prometheus

rez - you are so rabid in your atheistic views that you cannot even see satire when it hits you in the face. You got trolled. Tool.

And he wasn't even trying to troll. So you are a double tool. You are blinded by your militant hatered.

Prometheus, I do believe that Rez was having us on just a tad: crisp dollar right away, bad Mormon god peddling sugar, and so on. Or, wait ....

Flip Jackson · Sep 1, 2005, 08:01 pm

Hmmm, I must amend my initial statement. It seems that the machine has been repeatedly giving two or more of the Powerade flavor that I received. There are two possible explanations. My good deed has caused an extended blessing on me and those in my vicinity. Second, though I am reluctant to pose the possibility, the machine may be malfunctioning.

False alarm, everyone.

**Jack** · Sep 1, 2005, 10:23 pm

Damnit! Now I have to repent my previous repentence. Geez, Flip, I wish you'd make up my mind. (I knew the Powerade god was false when you disclosed he probably didn't do the smoked almonds. But I did so want to believe...)

Flip Jackson · Sep 2, 2005, 12:56 am

I apologize. I will attempt to be more sure of my gods before I relay them to you in the future.

They appear to be everywhere. Really.

Have I told you of the malice that the Bowling gods hold toward me? I have yet to explain why......

RickSp · Sep 8, 2005, 05:52 pm

If it was Gatoraide, I might be convinced. Smoked almonds might do it too.

Do the multiple bottles imply polytheism, perhaps?

ibm · Sep 8, 2005, 06:01 pm

flip, tell me you posted this as something just to make us laugh a little.

otherwise i am going to really laugh hard (at you).

RickSp · Sep 8, 2005, 07:27 pm

I'm posting this here because the original thread has been hijacked by a bible thumper and it seems to fit this thread anyway.

I finally realized what would convince me to become religious. Has anyone seen the indie movie "Dogma"? In it Alanis Morrisette played God in a tutu. If I could really believe that Alanis was really God I might reconsider religion.

On the other hand I saw her the other night on a "Sex in the City" rerun playing a lesbian who kissed Sarah Jessica Parker. (Which doesn't mean that she might not be God. I've heard she moves in mysterious ways.)

Flip Jackson · Sep 9, 2005, 12:02 am

No, ibm, I was completely serious. My initial post was dripping with so much sarcasm and such a ridiculous notion only to prove how real God is. Don't you see it? You atheists baffle me.

Now in fear of you taking this last part seriously, the whole thing was supposed to be funny! It was comical, especially coming from a theist! Way to ruin the thread doude. I'm was just trying to lighten the mood in this area a bit. It gets a bit stuffy at times.

You are fortunate I don't give negative stars. Everyone would know how you soiled my perfectly good thread.....I might cry now.

Flip Jackson · Sep 9, 2005, 12:05 am

Thanks for the response, Rick. Although I don't think I have the ability to make Alanis Morrisette God. I could try, but I think no matter how hard I focus on the thought, my efforts would be in vain. It doesn't help that I don't know what she looks like. Oh well. I tried.

Maybe if we all focus on the idea at the same time....Uh-oh, I'd better stop. I think I'm treading the line of sacrilege.

**Jack** · Sep 9, 2005, 12:14 am

Sarah Jessica Parker is god. She must be, she can perform miracles. Looking at her nearly makes me think straight.

But could even she do the Powerade trick? Hmmm...

Aug 28, 2005, 05:53 pm	#1 (permalink) (top)
Flip Jackson The Professor Location: Owasso, OK Posts: 648	Powerade-God must exist Here is a story for ya'll. Get the popcorn and have a good time. When I was at work this last week, something miraculous hapened! One of my Hispanic buddies was at the vending machine and seemed to be having a problem. I went up to him and saw that the machine wouldn't take his money.......Tragic, of course. I watched as he repeatedly tried to stick the bill in, and it got rejected. Then it finally got stuck halfway in. My friend yanked the bill out, obviously distraught. Out of the goodness of my heart, I opened my wallet, grabbed one of my somewhat more crisp bills, and handed it over to my co-worker. Such a heartless act! When the machine took my bill, I was given the less aesthetically pleasing bill. So I wasn't actually out any money, but a lot of effort was necessary for the good act, let me tell you. Well, in a display of divinity, two Powerades were realeased. Hy little Hispanic friend looked surprised. He grabbed the two bottles and handed me one. Surely this was a blessing for my good deed! Can you dispute the evidence?

Aug 28, 2005, 06:07 pm	#2 (permalink) (top)
Jack formerly Isherwood Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 13,277	Nope. Absolutely I would have to agree you have proven the existance of god. Please forgive me my previous disbelief. Is this god good for those little packages of smoked almonds, too, or is that too much to ask? The Forum Rules Radical Atheist Heathen Queer Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be. (Ashleigh Brilliant)

Aug 28, 2005, 10:17 pm	#6 (permalink) (top)
Prometheus Glad to be back! Location: Vernal, UT Posts: 1,725	rez - you are so rabid in your atheistic views that you cannot even see satire when it hits you in the face. You got trolled. Tool. And he wasn't even trying to troll. So you are a double tool. You are blinded by your militant hatered. Fixed ideas are like a cramp in the foot - the best remedy against it is to tread on it. -Søren Kierkegaard

Aug 28, 2005, 10:18 pm	#7 (permalink) (top)
Critter Bullets & Bracelets Location: Northwest Ohio Posts: 658	Hey, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Free Powerade is free Powerade! Making people go, "WTF?!?!?" since 1979.

Aug 28, 2005, 10:21 pm	#8 (permalink) (top)
Flip Jackson The Professor Location: Owasso, OK Posts: 648	Isherwood, I am not sure about the almonds......A tough question. I would venture to say yes, but it is tough to be sure. He may be partial to drinks....... Soccer, perhaps if two Powerades came out, we would have evidence of two Gods, both of which thought it was necessary to reward my obvious good deed. A broken machine is always a possiblity, but maybe God broke it to reward me.....:) Rez, don't get me wrong, I was merely embellishing the story. You must understand, my Latino friend was rather intent on getting his bill into that machine. I could do little to stop his efforts until he realized for himself that his dollar was insufficient. Then I readily imparted my dollar to the poor soul. Also, my Spanish leaves something lacking, so if I had tried to stop him while he wasn't paying attention to me, he might not have realized I was talking to him. The effort came from having to get the wallet out of my pocket, not giving the man the dollar. Money means very little to me, but I hate unecessary movement. Can Mormons not have sugar? This is something that could have been brought to my attention yesterday! I have eaten the yogurt in my lunch for years, and it has sugar.......I guess I have taken the sugary road down to perdition.......How sad. I might have to cry myself to sleep tonight. I might have to drown my sorrows in a Powerade. Do you think there is Powerade in hell. It might not be too bad in that case. I feel the need to correct my original story. My act was "selfless" not "heartless." My enthusiasm in the event rattled me a bit. My apologies. Last edited by Flip Jackson; Aug 28, 2005 at 10:25 pm. Reason: additional statement

Aug 28, 2005, 06:20 pm	#3 (permalink) (top)
LetThereBe Always Seeking Location: Ohio Posts: 720	I do like smoked almonds....

Aug 28, 2005, 06:31 pm	#4 (permalink) (top)
SoccerfreakAB2 ???? Location: Novi. Michigan Posts: 2,163	And if three powerades came out, would that mean God was more real, or the machine was more broken?

Aug 28, 2005, 10:23 pm	#9 (permalink) (top)
Prometheus Glad to be back! Location: Vernal, UT Posts: 1,725	I hate gatorate. It tastes like nothing more then salty coolaid. Powerade is yummy though. Fixed ideas are like a cramp in the foot - the best remedy against it is to tread on it. -Søren Kierkegaard

Sep 1, 2005, 08:01 pm	#12 (permalink) (top)
Flip Jackson The Professor Location: Owasso, OK Posts: 648	Hmmm, I must amend my initial statement. It seems that the machine has been repeatedly giving two or more of the Powerade flavor that I received. There are two possible explanations. My good deed has caused an extended blessing on me and those in my vicinity. Second, though I am reluctant to pose the possibility, the machine may be malfunctioning. False alarm, everyone.

Sep 1, 2005, 10:23 pm	#13 (permalink) (top)
Jack formerly Isherwood Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 13,277	Damnit! Now I have to repent my previous repentence. Geez, Flip, I wish you'd make up my mind. (I knew the Powerade god was false when you disclosed he probably didn't do the smoked almonds. But I did so want to believe...) The Forum Rules Radical Atheist Heathen Queer Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be. (Ashleigh Brilliant)

Sep 2, 2005, 12:56 am	#14 (permalink) (top)
Flip Jackson The Professor Location: Owasso, OK Posts: 648	I apologize. I will attempt to be more sure of my gods before I relay them to you in the future. They appear to be everywhere. Really. Have I told you of the malice that the Bowling gods hold toward me? I have yet to explain why......

Sep 8, 2005, 05:52 pm	#15 (permalink) (top)
RickSp Volcanic Erupter Posts: 9,491	If it was Gatoraide, I might be convinced. Smoked almonds might do it too. Do the multiple bottles imply polytheism, perhaps? Rick "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross." Sinclair Lewis

Sep 8, 2005, 06:01 pm	#16 (permalink) (top)
ibm Igneous Magma Posts: 672	flip, tell me you posted this as something just to make us laugh a little. otherwise i am going to really laugh hard (at you). economic left/right: -3.38 social libertarian/authoritarian: -3.59

Sep 8, 2005, 07:27 pm	#17 (permalink) (top)
RickSp Volcanic Erupter Posts: 9,491	I'm posting this here because the original thread has been hijacked by a bible thumper and it seems to fit this thread anyway. I finally realized what would convince me to become religious. Has anyone seen the indie movie "Dogma"? In it Alanis Morrisette played God in a tutu. If I could really believe that Alanis was really God I might reconsider religion. On the other hand I saw her the other night on a "Sex in the City" rerun playing a lesbian who kissed Sarah Jessica Parker. (Which doesn't mean that she might not be God. I've heard she moves in mysterious ways.) Rick "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross." Sinclair Lewis

Sep 9, 2005, 12:02 am	#18 (permalink) (top)
Flip Jackson The Professor Location: Owasso, OK Posts: 648	No, ibm, I was completely serious. My initial post was dripping with so much sarcasm and such a ridiculous notion only to prove how real God is. Don't you see it? You atheists baffle me. Now in fear of you taking this last part seriously, the whole thing was supposed to be funny! It was comical, especially coming from a theist! Way to ruin the thread doude. I'm was just trying to lighten the mood in this area a bit. It gets a bit stuffy at times. You are fortunate I don't give negative stars. Everyone would know how you soiled my perfectly good thread.....I might cry now. Last edited by Flip Jackson; Sep 9, 2005 at 12:07 am.

Sep 9, 2005, 12:05 am	#19 (permalink) (top)
Flip Jackson The Professor Location: Owasso, OK Posts: 648	Thanks for the response, Rick. Although I don't think I have the ability to make Alanis Morrisette God. I could try, but I think no matter how hard I focus on the thought, my efforts would be in vain. It doesn't help that I don't know what she looks like. Oh well. I tried. Maybe if we all focus on the idea at the same time....Uh-oh, I'd better stop. I think I'm treading the line of sacrilege.

Sep 9, 2005, 12:14 am	#20 (permalink) (top)
Jack formerly Isherwood Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 13,277	Sarah Jessica Parker is god. She must be, she can perform miracles. Looking at her nearly makes me think straight. But could even she do the Powerade trick? Hmmm... The Forum Rules Radical Atheist Heathen Queer Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be. (Ashleigh Brilliant)