Save Sex For Marriage?

[tinybear]

Is it considered cool or uncool to have sex before marriage these days? My friends at school are evenly divided on this issue. Let's hear what you think. Do you think we should save our virginity until marriage?

[AlmostAlice]

There are pros and cons either way. But, as a teenage parent (I got pregnant with my first daughter at age 17; found out just a month after I'd graduated. I'm now 23, married, with 3 children.), I'm inclined to encourage waiting. Just my .02....

[tinybear]

Did you have sex because of peer pressure or because you were certain that he was "the one".

[AlmostAlice]

As a kid, I was always "sure" of everything...I was invulnerable, I was invincible, you name it. Though I'm technically not far removed from "kid" status, I've obviously done a good bit of growing since.

My choice to have sex wasn't exactly well thought-out by any means. I never really considered consequences, for the above mentioned reasons. I probably was sure, in my own way, that he was "the one"; like many others in the situation, I was dead wrong. I wouldn't really say, though, that peer pressure had anything to do with my decisions regarding sex. It's a very personal choice that should not be entered hastily, but rather deliberately, and only after you've considered all possible angles that are important to you.

[Ningning]

having sex isn't "cool" or "uncool" it is a very personal decision that really depends more on where you are in life and who you are with. And the decision to have sex should only be made by someone who has the mental maturity to handle the potential consequences, and who is well educated about birth control and preventing STDs

I see nothing wrong about having sex before marriage, especially when a) people marry later and later b) you want to find a sexual match in your partner before you marry.

I've heard of young people rushing to get married just to have sex! so that they wouldn't violate their beliefs of no sex before marriage. but after rushing into a marrige they find themselves with the wrong person and end up divorcing at an early age. to me, that seems worse than the sex before marriage.

[tinybear]

So are you saying that if you declare that you're a 40 year old virgin, that it carries no social stigma or ridicule whatsoever?

[Ningning]

the social stigma would probably come more from not having been married by age 40

[Pooeypants]

Marriage no longer has the grand meaning it once did. Infact, in the UK there are plenty of couples living together but not married yet. Some have live like a married couple (my neighbours have a kid, very nice people too) but aren't married in paper. Is marriage so important nowadays when the vows don't really mean much? Divorce rates are still peaking, I think it's a pointless ceremony these days.

[AlmostAlice]

Quote by: Pooeypants Marriage no longer has the grand meaning it once did. Infact, in the UK there are plenty of couples living together but not married yet. Some have live like a married couple (my neighbours have a kid, very nice people too) but aren't married in paper. Is marriage so important nowadays when the vows don't really mean much? Divorce rates are still peaking, I think it's a pointless ceremony these days.

I agree. Marriage isn't for everybody, and it's meaning is certainly dwindling. Which is why I don't understand why premarital sex is as big a deal as it still is.

[tinybear]

Christians certainly think it's a big deal.

[Pooeypants]

The evangelists? They get upset over anything unorthodox.

[Songbird]

I believe that one should only have sex if married, however I can understand a mature adult making the decision to have sex outside of a marriage. By mature adult I mean at least out of high school and probably through colledge. How many stories have we heard about teenagers who suddenly become parents, and are completely incapable of handleing the responsibility? Too many.

[Morgan_Freeman]

I don't think its cool when dumb kids who don't know how to use contraceptives have sex...

If you are responsible enough, sex at any age, married or not, is fine.

Personally, I think marriage is a silly old custom and I'll never be party to it.

[Starboy]

There is not a one size fits all answer. In general I would say that knowledge is more important than age. For some reason in our culture sex and all things related to it are taboo. So knowledge in this area is spotty at best. And those that would systematically research it are many times discouraged. Yet people are somehow expected to make choices that will have long term ramifications for their life and the lives of any children they may have without this knowledge. It is just plain looney. I'm not saying that more knowledge will help everyone but it couldn't hurt.

Starboy

[tinybear]

OK, here's the Christian Response:

"Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes, Cease to do evil, Learn to do good" (Isaiah 1:16-17).

Since the sexual revolution of the 1960’s, there has been a staggering increase in the number of teen pregnancies, unwanted pregnancies, abortions and at-risk sexual behavior to the point that we now have an epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). “Safe” sex education taught teens to put a condom on a banana, and our young people bought the lie that condoms would prevent an unwanted pregnancy and STD’s. Planned Parenthood facilities now have drive-through windows in some cities to make it even easier for teens to pick up their condoms. Current statistics indicate that 800,000 teenage girls will become pregnant every year. By the time a girl is 18 years old, one out of every five will have been pregnant.

Twenty years ago there were two primary forms of what was then called venereal diseases – syphilis and gonorrhea. Today, there are more than 25 significant and different sexually transmitted diseases. Every year, more than 15 million Americans contract a new STD infection, 3 million of which are teenagers. This means that every day, 8,219 teens contract a new STD. That’s 342 every hour or one every ten seconds. By the time teens are 18 years old, 20% will have contracted an STD. Teens are being sold the lie that condoms can protect from all forms of STD’s and that oral sex is “safe” sex. This misinformation has given teens a false sense of security when it comes to their sexuality. Multiple partners and more frequency of sexual activity have caused the STD epidemic to reach staggering proportions.

There are two different kinds of STD’s – bacterial and viral. Bacterial STD’s can be cured but the damage done prior to treatment is not reversible. Viral STD’s are incurable and therefore, any STD that starts with an “H” is not curable, not treatable. Chlamydia is the most common bacterial STD infecting between three to four million people in the US each year. Untreated in women, chlamydia can lead to PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) that can cause infertility. The most common viral STD is HPV, or Human Papilloma Virus. An estimated 20 million people in the U.S. are infected with HPV with over 5.5 million new infections occurring each year. HPV is scary because it can lead to cervical cancer in women, which kills over 5,000 women in the U.S. every year.

Indeed, the messages our teenagers have received from liberal, pro-abortion advocates have caused an increase in disease, death and trouble for our children.

The Christian Response

The Bible has one clear message when it comes to sexuality and that is, save sex for marriage. The only guaranteed way to insure one does not have an unwanted pregnancy or contact an STD is to practice abstinence. Abstinence, as defined by the writers of the “Choosing the Best Life” abstinence-only curriculum is “an informed decision where an ABC formula is applied: Abstinence is the Best preparation for the future (marriage) by Choosing not to engage in these at-risk sexual behaviors. These behaviors include any activity that brings you in contact with another person’s genital body fluids including: vaginal intercourse, oral sex, anal sex and mutual masturbation.” Following the guidelines of this definition will lead to positive, healthy outcomes for our children that start them down the right path for a successful, fulfilling married life.

Teaching children that their bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit from a young age is key to personal responsibility. Waiting for sex until marriage is a commitment to purity, to be holy vessels that God can work through. Children should be taught holiness and consecration -- the setting apart for a purpose – at an early age. Too many of our children have made unwise, unhealthy choices that have detoured them from fulfilling God’s plan and purpose for their lives. Satan wants to destroy our children’s innocence, purpose and testimony. Proper parental supervision and information on Biblical sexuality at the appropriate time is key. The primary teacher of this material must be the parent, followed by reinforcements within the church. Church youth groups MUST talk about abstinence.

The truth is that the majority of teens (52%) are NOT having sex! A national survey by the Kaiser Foundation found that 75% of teens say it is “cool” to be a virgin, and over half of those surveyed have been in situations where thy could have had sex, but chose not to. Many children are realizing the risks of being sexually active and the benefits of abstaining.

Teach children that “safe” sex is NOT safe! Dispel the lie. Condoms have been held up as the answer to the sexual crisis among our teenagers. But this kind of all-inclusive sex education teaches no values and devalues the meaning of human sexuality as God intended. The truth is, while a condom is one means of birth control, it is not disease control. Condoms have a failure rate with teenagers of at least 20%. Would you take a one in five chance that your airplane will make it to its destination?

Abstinence only education centers on relationships, life skills, respect for self, respect for others, refusal skills, self-control, avoidance of pregnancy and unwanted diseases. It gives a healthy view of marriage as something to be cherished and important enough to save oneself for.

During the Bush administration, record amounts of money have been granted for abstinence only education in the public and private school systems. At that, for every $1 spent on abstinence education, $12 is being spent on “safe” sex education. When this subject is debated in the floors of Congress, let your legislators know that you support an abstinence message. Contact your local school district to see what is being taught in your children’s Sex Ed classes. Parents have every right to view the videos and read the textbooks before they permit their child to participate in a sex education program. Challenge the school district to present an “abstinence-only” message and not “abstinence-plus”.

[Starboy]

This message that sex isn't safe therefore don't do it is not a very good argument. I am sure that most kids are not taken in by it, after all life isn't safe. Everyone dies. It is not as if you can live a safe life.

That Christian screed also has some inaccuracies in it. There have always been a variety of sexual diseases in the human population. What is producing the different strains is not "unsafe" sex but the improper use of antibiotics. The problem with multiple variants of infectious disease is not limited to sexual diseases.

I have no problem with teaching abstinence but if it is not followed with good factual information about sex then there will be a percentage of the population that engages in sex and think that they are abstaining. After all, if you don't educate the kids about what it is they are supposed to avoid then exactly how do you think they are going to avoid it?

And lastly I think we do the kids a great disservice by concentrating on the one act of sex as if sex was only about that one thing. We are very sexual animals. Our sexuality doesn't just express itself in procreation. It bubbles up through our families and our social behavior and into our social structures. Anyone who would play the game of love without knowing at least some of the underlying behaviors is a fool for love.

Starboy

[Ningning]

Ignoring the fact that this would never be allowed in public schools, sex ed would be much more helpful to impressionable kids if it came along with relationship ed. kids need to learn about handling interpersonal relationships from real people (inside and outside of their family) instead of from TV shows!

[superchic[k]]

i'm a christian. i believe its a big deal and i am waiting until marriage.

[Pooeypants]

Care to elaborate?

[tinybear]

What more is there to elaborate? She already said she's waiting for the big day. Until then, the answer's "No".