what good are friends?

[Brighteyes]

Being alone usually is an idea that most people hate, or fear.

i've heard quite a few people mention "being alone" as their biggest fear..

seeing my childhood playmates grow up around me.. past me, in some cases. they will be leaving.. i won't see them ever again, and the past few years i wasn't nearly as close to them as i could have been; had i been different..
that feeling of them leaving can't be rivaled

ever go on a vacation, for say just a week..? it's the best time of your life; you forget everything about everything and love different things you couldn't love before.. then, as quickly as it started your on the long way home.
that feeling; the feeling of your world ending even though it isn't.. that bubble gagging you trying to make you cry.. your emotions feel used and tricked, like it's all fake and your life isn't as good as a vacation

the gagging lonely feeling, like it was all an illusion.. that same feeling, is what i get from the people leaving from my town.. i can list 100 reasons why they make scum friends, and how rotten they have been to me. but still, i can't help that bubble pushing up my throat because i know i just don't fit in with them.

my mind begins to wander from there.. everywhere i go, everyone i meet.. no one will stick around. no one will be my friend..

this has turned into one of my rambles.. i'm sorry.. but i guess all i really want to ask you guys-

what is it like to truly have a friend?

[tusaki]

I imagine that true friends come far and few in between. I have a few. (2 or 3) These are not people whom I see every day, but rather people who I see every 6 months and keep contact with only sporadicly. But, whenever I see them again, I trust them with my life, my money, my secrets, my doubts, everything. And vica versa. People I know have 'tons of friends', but those are more like 'aquantainces'. True friends will accept you no matter what you do or what you are. True friends will not be afraid to tell you you have been stupid or annoying when you probably have been. And you accept these things from these friends. That is true friendship. The ability to be yourself, knowing that, with all your good sides and your failings, you will be understood and accepted.

[castille]

The closest friendships I've seen were forged in the army. Entire platoons have threatened to go on suicidal search/rescue missions when one of their own got lost (in Tibet getting lost isnt something you take trivially!)

Most social friendships are formed on the basis of convenience. For example, in college my friends all go to the same class, as we got to be friends when we talked after class every day.

The greatest difficulty is in figuring out whether someone is a real friend, or a convenient friend.

[samsara15]

Real friend or convenient friend can change over the years. WQe have to take what we have....but we have a basic need for social interaction, even the most introverted of us. Don't ask for or expect more life than life can give us.

[mrmufin]

Originally posted by tusaki, I imagine that true friends come far and few in between. I have a few. (2 or 3) These are not people whom I see every day, but rather people who I see every 6 months and keep contact with only sporadicly. But, whenever I see them again, I trust them with my life, my money, my secrets, my doubts, everything. And vica versa. People I know have 'tons of friends', but those are more like 'aquantainces'. True friends will accept you no matter what you do or what you are. True friends will not be afraid to tell you you have been stupid or annoying when you probably have been. And you accept these things from these friends. That is true friendship. The ability to be yourself, knowing that, with all your good sides and your failings, you will be understood and accepted.

That was beautifully stated, tusaki.

Like you, there are very few people (two, to be precise) in my life that I regard as true or complete friends. Fortunately, one of those two happens to be the very lovely msmufin.

Regards,
mrmufin

[giuliano]

it's important to have both close and 'convenient' friends.

i don't think it's possible to have more than 2 or 3 close friends. after that you just can't pay them enough attention for them to warrant that status (clinical way of putting it).

[dbrown]

i have three kinds of "friends":

true - those that i value the opinion of and change my inner self and attitudes based on the feedback that i get from them. also, these are the only ones that i argue with that are able to change my views. in fact the main criterion for being a true friend is if they are able to put up a reasonable arguement about anything.

psudo-true - those that i confide in but only because of their social status. i appreciate their opinion only because i know that they're being honest and that whatevery their opinion is, will often be that of the major concensus of people around me.

others - these are the "friends" that i go to parties with. mostly their purpose in my life is for observation. any sociological theories that i come up with is based on what i see in these people and their actions.

out of that group the only ones i care about are the true ones because they are the ones that keep me grounded. if i have a theory that i think is totaly air-tight, they usually tell me why it is wrong. among all of my groups of friends i am known for leaving for long periods of time with no notice (i took a month long trip to washington on 1 day's notice, time enough to quit my job). then again i'm a pretty strange guy.

[Phil Free]

Originally posted by Brighteyes, ever go on a vacation, for say just a week..? it's the best time of your life; you forget everything about everything and love different things you couldn't love before.. then, as quickly as it started your on the long way home. that feeling; the feeling of your world ending even though it isn't.. that bubble gagging you trying to make you cry.. your emotions feel used and tricked, like it's all fake and your life isn't as good as a vacation the gagging lonely feeling, like it was all an illusion.. that same feeling, is what i get from the people leaving from my town.. i can list 100 reasons why they make scum friends, and how rotten they have been to me. but still, i can't help that bubble pushing up my throat because i know i just don't fit in with them.

I just wanted to say that this is beautiful, true, and bittersweet... very poetic!

Friends come and go, as all things do. Everything is in a transitory state. We've got to learn to love, let go, and live. Our problem is that we grow up in a society that is very "propertarian" (to use a term by Ursula K. Le Guin). We "cling" and "hold" and try to "keep" things. But stability and permenance are mere illusion. Everything is fading, everything is decaying.

And just like friends come and go, so can one's sadness. Sadness is not something to fight or repress. It is, just like the passing of friendship, is a part of the human experience.

Life would be a lot less beautiful without lost friendship and sadness. People like you wouldn't be writing things so touching as your post!