What do women get out of relatonships

[Epistemologist]

You're not going about saying "Hmm, I'll guess I'll give you some love today." No, it just happens as you share your relational connection with your partner. It's integral to the relationship, but it's an involuntary reaction to your voluntary actions. I'm still thinking about it though.

[pam699]

yes but u did not list it at all
so that would say not very high on your aggenda of worth

[Matt W]

Quote by: pam699 yes but u did not list it at all so that would say not very high on your aggenda of worth

Rubbish. It's v.high, but it's not one of the things that comes to my mind when someone says 'what do you get out of a relationship?'. Because, at the end of the day, it's something that you cannot put a value on. It's not 'worth' anything - it's 'worth' everything.

[Epistemologist]

Quote by: pam699 yes but u did not list it at all so that would say not very high on your aggenda of worth

Well, I came to this thread only to respond to Zinkovich's anthropological analysis, and then we got lost in this, so that's my reason for not mentioning it. Really, I do think love is the vital element, and I've always thought that, but I think that you should stop trying to make this an issue of what individual users say and make it one of how we can try to answer your question. From your original post it also seemed that we were talking about strictly sexual relationships, prostitutes, etc.

[Zinkovich]

Love is a form of bonding founded in instinct just as much as the behaviors I mentioned in my earlier post. However, it relates more to the concepts concerning the biological precedent of attachment and other such complex subjects that I have only grazed the surface of in my current studies.

For examples of these instinctual behaviors of attachment, I recommend one looks into the early behavior of an infant. When a mother leaves the room, a child is much more upset and unwilling to take on the unknown(known as "seperation anxiety"). Of course, there are developmental disorders that differ from this norm, one referred to as "anxious" insecure attachment and one known as "avoidant" insecure attachment- studies have shown that these foundational behaviors/attitudes during infancy and all the way into puberty(and perhaps beyond, if you do not pass a certain point of maturity) have an effect on how the individual later treats his friends and mates.

As much as it may upset some of you, your mothers serve as good precursors to the sort of behaviors concerning attachment that cause you to "fall in love". In a sense, this explanation of love also traces it back to roots based on security and a feeling of comfortability/safety as well.

Edit: I realise I didn't cover those raised in broken or disconnected homes. That's an entirely different chestnut to crack and I would rather go into detail later when it is a bit more relevant to the discussion.

[Epistemologist]

Quote by: Zinkovich For examples of these instinctual behaviors of attachment, I recommend one looks into the early behavior of an infant. When a mother leaves the room, a child is much more upset and unwilling to take on the unknown(known as "seperation anxiety"). Of course, there are developmental disorders that differ from this norm, one referred to as "anxious" insecure attachment and one known as "avoidant" insecure attachment- studies have shown that these foundational behaviors/attitudes during infancy and all the way into puberty(and perhaps beyond, if you do not pass a certain point of maturity) have an effect on how the individual later treats his friends and mates.

Actually, many critics say that undue emphasis is put on attachment theories and attachment styles (i.e. securely attached, insecure resistant, insecure avoidant, and insecure disorganized) in determining attachments later in life.

Quote by: Zinkovich As much as it may upset some of you, your mothers serve as good precursors to the sort of behaviors concernign attachment that cause you to "fall in love". In a sense, this explanation of love also traces it back to roots based on security and a feeling of comfortability/safety as well.

But yes, we can trace back the nature of love to that between a mother and her child, which can be considered unconditional in most cases. It contrasts nicely with much of the pseudo-love between men and women nowadays.

[Zinkovich]

Actually, many critics say that undue emphasis is put on attachment theories and attachment styles (i.e. securely attached, insecure resistant, insecure avoidant, and insecure disorganized) in determining attachments later in life.

None of the critics I have read have adequately explained the direct correlation between early attachment behaviors and the later relational behaviors of an individual later on in life within thier new context. Considering this, I am a bit skeptical to many of the opposing schools of thinking.

Another supporting fact is that infants raised in broken homes and later growing up in an adoptive family that offers more support for the child have early development issues when it comes to personal relations.

But yes, we can trace back the nature of love to that between a mother and her child, which can be considered unconditional in most cases. It contrasts nicely with much of the pseudo-love between men and women nowadays.

Yes, but I think most love is a direct mix of both the instinctual physical attraction one feels for thier mate and the attachment-based form of love infants felt towards thier mothers(albeit in a more complex, mature and nuanced manner)

However, love being biological makes even more sense when considering the fact that homosexuals are statistically shown to be instinctually drawn to thier behaviors. One recent study concerning homosexual twins raised apart and coming over to the same sexual orientation on thier own in different cultural enviroments offers further support of the assertion of biological source and precedent.

[pam699]

hey but what do women get out of relationships-maried or bf/gf
some have said sex other sexurity belatedly some have said love-i feel the spouse was watching the debate so they had to watch their a..ss -but neverstheless
so any more views on the matter

[Epistemologist]

Depends on the person I guess. Just as looters have tons of options for what they can steal after a disaster, women have tons of options for what they can get out of relationships. Some are whores, some are sweethearts, some are needy, some are opportunistic, some are robots, some are soulless, etc., and we base these classifications partly on what they get out of relationships. Otherwise, I don't understand why you keep asking the same question over and over again.

[Jack]

so any more views on the matter

State yours. What do you get out of a relationship?

[pam699]

Come On Girls Tell The Guys What We Get

[Epistemologist]

Why didn't you put a poll in this thread?

You still didn't say what you get.

[pam699]

how do u put a poll in a thread

[Epistemologist]

It might be too late now. You have to check the box when you make the thread. Maybe now ask a moderator.

[Marilyn Monroe]

I like the companionship and security. It took me a very long time to truly love my husband. I guess I always loved him in some way, but a lot of the time in our marriage was actually taken up getting used to each other. I like pleasing him in all the different ways that this can be done.

I believe most marriages go through stages. Some of these stages are make or break. If you have enough determination you can make it, if not it's kaput. If you do make it, and I honestly believe women have more control over this than men do, it can be a beautiful, fulfilling thing. You become contented. This is what we are all looking for.