If you're gay, why?

[alexGERMAN]

Im doing some reaserch and good sources are hard to come by on this topic. Nothing but hundreds of oppinions of non-gay's either supporting gays, or as is largly the case, cutting down gays.

I myself am a non-gay and am very intregued as to what homosexuals believe was the point they either 'turned', or 'discovered' they were gay. Alot of ignorant comments I see towards the topic read like "homosexuality is a choice". Though this may be true, I dont believe any lifestyle, gay or not is made on impulse
i.e "today I choose to be a christian for the rest of my life"
i.e "today i choose to be gay for the rest of my life"
The above doesnt happen alot.

Now let me make clear what im looking for.
a) Did you either at one point decide to become gay or do you belive you alwasys were gay

b) Did the change to homosexuality, or the discovery of your homosexuality hard to grasp and deal with internaly or did it actually feel natural.

this one is hard to word

c) Was there a feeling like "my mind is telling me I should be hetro sexual, but my instincts and body tells me I like people of the same sex"

These questions may seem repeat, but what I want to find out is, is homosexuality a natural thing, or do people through experiances and exposures become gay or choose to be gay.

Also if your not gay but have any educated opinions or knowledge of the subject it is appreciated.

Please give honest replies, this is a topic of great intrest to me and id like to find out more about it.

[Jack]

Since I'm at work, I'll have to be brief, but will try to expand on this later.

In about the 5th grade I became aware of sexuality. Like many young boys, I was first exposed to images of naked women in magazines like Playboy. As a teen, I became aware of the fact that the naked men in many pornographic magazines were as sensual to me as the women. By the time I was in my late teens I knew that I was at least partly gay but hadn't yet done anything to test the theory. In my early 20s I had my first gay experience and realized that this was pleasurable to me, as pleasurable as sex with women had been. The more I explored my sexuality (all in the name in research, mind you ), the more I accepted that I was mostly, but not totally, gay.

I'm convinced that sexuality is wired into the brain somehow. All we can do is either accept or ignore what's there.

[Praxius]

I am straight, but I have asked around and done my own research a while back.... as well as have a few relatives who are.....

I can't give you exact figures.... but when asked when they realized they were gay, or how long they remember being gay, most would answer all their life. Some tend to have a feeling of being a bit out of the norm in early childhood, they found that they were more interested in their same sex, then the opposite.

The ones I talked to, said they attempted the "Norm" ie: try and go for a straight relationship, but just didn't work out and only confirmed their true nature and where they should be going in life.

Depending on how they took their new found life style, some either knew it from the begining and embraced it, or, like many, were brought up in an enviroment (Primarily by family upbringing and the social community in the school) where it was looked down apon.

Some went through a stint of denial, because of the effects that would occur in the life they know, and how their friends and family would react. Some try to convince themselves that they are straight, get into straight relationships, but in the end they usually fail, and it becomes too much that they have to acknowlege their true life.

There is still a % of the gay community who, depending on their community, where they live, and the pressure, that they eventually commited suicide because of the pressure to "Fit in." ~ Which is a shame, considdering you can not fight against your nature, and in a perfect world, all should be tolerated.

That's just a quick run down off the top of my head.... I don't claim to be spewing fact here, but only what I was told, and learned through time. There is much more to the topic then just the above, and I maybe wrong about a few things, and by all means, anybody can correct me.

[alexGERMAN]

it seems to be the trend with most homosexual stories i find that, like both of you said, they found traces of it at a younger age, and it fully manifested itself in the ensuing years. It may well be so because as children we mostly are not sexually orientated and indeed know little of hetro sexuality and homo sexuality to begin with. So indeed people may be born gay, but just not know it.
To me knowing weither being gay is natural, or a choice makes all the difference in the world as to how i look upon them.

If it is a desicion to be made, then I can tolerate and respect there desicion, but generally avoid them becasue quite honestly I find homosexuality disgusting, although i am trying to learn to accept it. My intelectual side tells me to not be biased, but my extremly right wing christian upbringing still has roots in me somewhere.

If on the other hand it is a natural thing, then I can justify to my horribly biased other-half accepting homosexuality in any form.

[Praxius]

It is natural for sure.... I come from a Roman Catholic upbringing and I kinda had to filter out some of the things they were saying that made no sense.

I have no real beefs with Homosexuals, and to me, they can do whatever the heck they want with their lives.... so long as it doesn't involve me in anyway.

If I'm in a bar and a gay guy came up to me and said I got a nice ass in my pants, and want to do the "infinity-tango" (I just made that up) I would politely tell them no, I am straight, but thanks for the compliment.

If they persisted more about it.... then someone's gonna get a punch in the face...... which is why I don't goto bars.

[Zhavric]

I'm a straight male, but there have been a handful of men I've been mildly attracted to in my life.

A few new year's eves ago, I decided, "What the hell? Let's know for sure." I have a good male friend who's bi. He tried to kiss me at midnight. A real kiss. Not just a peck on the cheek. I get to about two inches from kissing him and something very primal inside my brain said "Nope. You're straight." Instantly I knew that I could force myself to kiss him, but I'd be doing just that: forcing myself.

So, unlike the majority of straight men, I can say that I've tested my sexuality. I feel extremely confident in my sexuality and know that on the Kinsey scale I rate somewhere between 0 and 0.5.

[nilan3000]

zhavric, do you know any site where a person can actually take the test to see where they stand on the kinsey scale?

I mean...not that I wanna try it....

[Zinkovich]

a) Did you either at one point decide to become gay or do you belive you alwasys were gay

As cliche as it sounds, I was not even aware of the intricacies involving the label of "orientation" at the time I got involved in my first homosexual relationship.

b) Did the change to homosexuality, or the discovery of your homosexuality hard to grasp and deal with internaly or did it actually feel natural. this one is hard to word

It felt natural both to me and my first partner- we were both around ten years old at the time. He was a sweet, kind, loving person and I wish he never moved away becasue I am sure things would have progressed naturally otherwise, instead of him becoming the self-loathing individual he is now.

c) Was there a feeling like "my mind is telling me I should be hetro sexual, but my instincts and body tells me I like people of the same sex"

Nope, I was more focused on the feeling of intimacy I got around him at the time. There was no dichotomy established in my mind by my parents or anyone else until I was later sent to a parochial school where they discussed such topics in the classroom with a shocking amount of vehemence.

In fact, the only time I truly felt "wrong" was when someone indirectly first broke it to me that what I was doing was an abomination to the god I supposedly worshipped- luckily, after losing my religious beliefs due to entirely unrelated reasons the self-conflict sort of dissappeared for good.

[Deus_ultima]

We knew our cousin was gay since he was wee small.

[The Bacon Guy]

I swing either way, but I guess the question still applies.

Quote by: alexGERMAN a) Did you either at one point decide to become gay or do you belive you alwasys were gay

If by always, you mean from birth, I can't answer that. I only became sexually aware at around seven or eight, at which time I was attracted to both genders.

Quote by: alexGERMAN b) Did the change to homosexuality, or the discovery of your homosexuality hard to grasp and deal with internaly or did it actually feel natural.

Although I had always been kind of aware the attraction, I never had reason to give the idea of sex with a guy much thought: I was happy enough with women. As I got older, I realised that I much prefer the company of guys, and with that realisation, the prospect of a relationship with a guy has become more appealing.

Basically, in my case, the attraction has been there ever since I became sexually aware, and the inclination to act upon it has been a perfectly natural reaction to my changing social preferences.

Quote by: alexGERMAN c) Was there a feeling like "my mind is telling me I should be hetro sexual, but my instincts and body tells me I like people of the same sex"

My mind has always told me to do what I want as long as it isn't infringing upon other people's rights. My thought has always been to just roll with it.

[Nathan Struth]

Your mom's gay