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will14 · Nov 8, 2009, 01:41 am

I am in high school. Despite the entire "cars, sex, and energy drinks" lifestyle I live I am fairly tame. I have never drank more than a sip of wine, I have never smoked or shot up, I get good grades, and I am not sexually active.
Now that being said I know this girl, she is beyond words, really i used the MS word synonym tool and couldn't find words to describe her well enough. she is beautiful, fun to be around and so easy to talk to.
That being said (go repetitiveness!) My best friend has gone out with her more than once and has just started up with her again. The thing is that my BF has smoked, drank, and is as far I know as sexually active as a 16 year old can be. I love him like a brother, but he does have his flaws.
I... can't describe how I feel about this girl, its amazing. I want to tell her how I feel and tell her how I... ugh... I know that I shouldnt backstab my friend. Please what is more important, (frogive the over simplification) bro or girl i think i really am in love with.

WindWip · Nov 8, 2009, 03:29 am

If you go for her right now you'll seriously harm or destroy the friendship you have with your best friend. If you succeed in starting a relationship with her when she is already in a relationship it starts a very bad precedent too. Down the line you might begin to think, "she cheated on him, would she cheat on me?" Now there's also the possibility that she doesn't feel the same way, in that case you won't have the girl and your friendship will be a bit torn up as well. I would not go for her now.

You most likely won't marry the first girl you go out with - that goes for your best friend too. Go out with another girl, have some experience with a relationship first - let those two work out their relationship, when it ends you can go for her (wait a bit, and ask ur friend if he's ok with it first, if he's a good friend he won't say no and he won't feel betrayed).

will14 · Nov 8, 2009, 01:05 pm

Haha, well I know this isn't really going to be "the one" necessarily, I have had a few relationships before but they were really for the sake of being in a relationship. This is probably cliche (<-- So is that...) but I havent really felt this way about anybody before. They have already gone to a party and they have "done" something. What I'm really afraid is that he's going to get her to do something (booze, weed, sex) that she really will regret. I just feel like I have to protect her from that.

**Cruella** · Nov 8, 2009, 01:18 pm

It's not your job to do that. It's her life, they're her mistakes to make, just like you'll make your own ones too.

will14 · Nov 8, 2009, 01:23 pm

No, I am perfect! jk, It's just that some mistakes aren't a "slap on the wrist and you learn your lesson." I really just want him to hurt her.

**Cruella** · Nov 8, 2009, 01:27 pm

Quote:

I really just want him to hurt her.

Say what now? Was that a Freudian slip there?

It's true that some mistakes aren't that easily shaken off, however, she's not your property, and if she wants to see someone else, and make mistakes, she will do. That's all. You can't protect her from herself, however much you may want to. She's a right to live her own life. As do you.

SoylentGreen · Nov 8, 2009, 01:32 pm

sounds like you have a conflict there.
you say:
I just feel like I have to protect her from that.
then say:
I really just want him to hurt her.

Maryjane · Nov 8, 2009, 01:41 pm

So he can be the hero....come on guys. It's the knight in shining armor rescuing the damsel in distress...

will14 · Nov 8, 2009, 01:44 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Maryjane

So he can be the hero....come on guys. It's the knight in shining armor rescuing the damsel in distress...

I know I probably sound like a back stabbing ass right now. I want to protect her from doing the the things that he does that will hurt her

will14 · Nov 8, 2009, 01:45 pm

ugh...

Maryjane · Nov 8, 2009, 01:48 pm

Quote:

Quote by: will14

I know I probably sound like a back stabbing ass right now. I want to protect her from doing the the things that he does that will hurt her

I didn't say that...your intentions are good. Your method however...Why not talk to your friend? Ask his intentions.

will14 · Nov 8, 2009, 01:55 pm

I know them, his mentality going into the relationship was the last two times they broke up they were her fault. He really is in some odd mind set that his decisions won't effect anyone or anything (the girl) at all. It's just that really does materialize her, when she is really just a great person.

Maryjane · Nov 8, 2009, 02:04 pm

Seems your friend is of less than honorable character according to your standards. Why surround yourself with people like that?

Are you trying to save him too?

GeminiBrian · Nov 8, 2009, 02:05 pm

An 'agony aunt' column with knobs on. if you ask me.

Maryjane · Nov 8, 2009, 02:09 pm

It's my opinion that what will is trying to convey says a lot more about him than it does the other characters in his story. just my two cents....

will14 · Nov 8, 2009, 02:17 pm

My friend isn't like some drug addict or avid drinker. He's very intelligent and is great to talk with, it's just that he decides to surround himself with people who do those sort of things so it just seemed to rub off on him. There isn't much of a way that I could change him. He is to submerged into the mentality that it is okay(<--- it might be, I'm not to judge.) I can't force him, or her to change who they are, I have the urge to protect her from the things that I think can really negatively effect her.
BTW, bryan must you mock me?

Maryjane · Nov 8, 2009, 02:23 pm

Quote:

I can't force him, or her to change who they are, I have the urge to protect her from the things that I think can really negatively effect her.

There's your answer. All you can do is plant seeds and leave them to their own devices. You can't rescue the world...only yourself.

Nono · Nov 8, 2009, 05:08 pm

Quote:

Quote by: will

Bryan must you mock me?

Afraid so -- sorta a drive of his.

My two bits: As Maryjane says, there isn't a hell of a lot you can do (without intervening in a way that might backfire badly). And it's no consolation to you to hear from older people that "this is but an episode" etc. Our inability to stand back and consider the long term is a major failing of our species.

That said, you could go and talk to her frankly. Just be prepared for the risks, which include mockery far beyond what you'll get from Brian.

If I were you, I would do as Maryjane says and plant seeds. But then I always was piss-poor at planting seeds.

DoctorBarber · Nov 8, 2009, 07:10 pm

Why would you want a girl that your best friend is having sex with?

Leave her alone for the following reasons:

1. You're young, not ready for a relationship and neither are your friends.
2. If she wanted to be saved, she'd be asking for help.
3. Your best friend is most likely sexing her.
4. You might offend her and him by trying to be Dr. Phil and giving them advice on how they should live. Trust me, the last thing teenagers want to hear about is how they should live their life.

GeminiBrian · Nov 8, 2009, 08:19 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Nono

Afraid so -- sorta a drive of his.

You wouldn't understand, Nono, British irony is something that goes straight over your head.

Nov 8, 2009, 01:41 am	#1 (permalink)
will14 Not even in college! Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 68	To act, or not to act? I am in high school. Despite the entire "cars, sex, and energy drinks" lifestyle I live I am fairly tame. I have never drank more than a sip of wine, I have never smoked or shot up, I get good grades, and I am not sexually active. Now that being said I know this girl, she is beyond words, really i used the MS word synonym tool and couldn't find words to describe her well enough. she is beautiful, fun to be around and so easy to talk to. That being said (go repetitiveness!) My best friend has gone out with her more than once and has just started up with her again. The thing is that my BF has smoked, drank, and is as far I know as sexually active as a 16 year old can be. I love him like a brother, but he does have his flaws. I... can't describe how I feel about this girl, its amazing. I want to tell her how I feel and tell her how I... ugh... I know that I shouldnt backstab my friend. Please what is more important, (frogive the over simplification) bro or girl i think i really am in love with.

Nov 8, 2009, 01:41 pm	#8 (permalink)
Maryjane Amused Location: Mid Atlantic Posts: 2,431	So he can be the hero....come on guys. It's the knight in shining armor rescuing the damsel in distress... If I'm the only witness to your madness offer me some words to balance out what I see and what I hear. 10,000 Maniacs

Nov 8, 2009, 02:04 pm	#13 (permalink)
Maryjane Amused Location: Mid Atlantic Posts: 2,431	Seems your friend is of less than honorable character according to your standards. Why surround yourself with people like that? Are you trying to save him too? If I'm the only witness to your madness offer me some words to balance out what I see and what I hear. 10,000 Maniacs

Nov 8, 2009, 02:09 pm	#15 (permalink)
Maryjane Amused Location: Mid Atlantic Posts: 2,431	It's my opinion that what will is trying to convey says a lot more about him than it does the other characters in his story. just my two cents.... If I'm the only witness to your madness offer me some words to balance out what I see and what I hear. 10,000 Maniacs

Nov 8, 2009, 07:10 pm	#19 (permalink)
DoctorBarber Author of TIEG Posts: 422	Why would you want a girl that your best friend is having sex with? Leave her alone for the following reasons: 1. You're young, not ready for a relationship and neither are your friends. 2. If she wanted to be saved, she'd be asking for help. 3. Your best friend is most likely sexing her. 4. You might offend her and him by trying to be Dr. Phil and giving them advice on how they should live. Trust me, the last thing teenagers want to hear about is how they should live their life. Last edited by DoctorBarber; Nov 8, 2009 at 07:58 pm.

Nov 8, 2009, 03:29 am	#2 (permalink)
WindWip Rationalist Location: Berkeley Posts: 586	If you go for her right now you'll seriously harm or destroy the friendship you have with your best friend. If you succeed in starting a relationship with her when she is already in a relationship it starts a very bad precedent too. Down the line you might begin to think, "she cheated on him, would she cheat on me?" Now there's also the possibility that she doesn't feel the same way, in that case you won't have the girl and your friendship will be a bit torn up as well. I would not go for her now. You most likely won't marry the first girl you go out with - that goes for your best friend too. Go out with another girl, have some experience with a relationship first - let those two work out their relationship, when it ends you can go for her (wait a bit, and ask ur friend if he's ok with it first, if he's a good friend he won't say no and he won't feel betrayed).

Nov 8, 2009, 01:05 pm	#3 (permalink)
will14 Not even in college! Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 68	Haha, well I know this isn't really going to be "the one" necessarily, I have had a few relationships before but they were really for the sake of being in a relationship. This is probably cliche (<-- So is that...) but I havent really felt this way about anybody before. They have already gone to a party and they have "done" something. What I'm really afraid is that he's going to get her to do something (booze, weed, sex) that she really will regret. I just feel like I have to protect her from that.

Nov 8, 2009, 01:18 pm	#4 (permalink)
Cruella Moderator Posts: 3,745	It's not your job to do that. It's her life, they're her mistakes to make, just like you'll make your own ones too.

Nov 8, 2009, 01:23 pm	#5 (permalink)
will14 Not even in college! Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 68	No, I am perfect! jk, It's just that some mistakes aren't a "slap on the wrist and you learn your lesson." I really just want him to hurt her.

Nov 8, 2009, 01:32 pm	#7 (permalink)
SoylentGreen Volcanic Erupter Posts: 6,204	sounds like you have a conflict there. you say: I just feel like I have to protect her from that. then say: I really just want him to hurt her.

Nov 8, 2009, 01:45 pm	#10 (permalink)
will14 Not even in college! Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 68	ugh...

Nov 8, 2009, 01:55 pm	#12 (permalink)
will14 Not even in college! Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 68	I know them, his mentality going into the relationship was the last two times they broke up they were her fault. He really is in some odd mind set that his decisions won't effect anyone or anything (the girl) at all. It's just that really does materialize her, when she is really just a great person.

Nov 8, 2009, 02:05 pm	#14 (permalink)
GeminiBrian BANNED Location: Inside my head, mostly. Posts: 4,541	An 'agony aunt' column with knobs on. if you ask me.

Nov 8, 2009, 02:17 pm	#16 (permalink)
will14 Not even in college! Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 68	My friend isn't like some drug addict or avid drinker. He's very intelligent and is great to talk with, it's just that he decides to surround himself with people who do those sort of things so it just seemed to rub off on him. There isn't much of a way that I could change him. He is to submerged into the mentality that it is okay(<--- it might be, I'm not to judge.) I can't force him, or her to change who they are, I have the urge to protect her from the things that I think can really negatively effect her. BTW, bryan must you mock me?