Volconvo is a debate forum for the discussion of political, religious, and news-based topics.

**Jack** · May 17, 2007, 01:49 am

Quote:

What a personal question!

I must agree. What happens of a sexual nature is strictly between myself and my lover...

and a few of my closest friends...a few of my lover's closest friends...those friend's friends, complete strangers, blog readers, and most likely the mailman. Like PH said, that's personal!

fushigi · May 17, 2007, 02:51 am

Like you, Maddie, I've had four relationships--two were over 3 years (before I hit 21 :eek:), one was 7, and the current one is sneaking up on 2 years. Personally, I think you have to recognize that any guy worth having will be very romantic, which means sexual.

Guys need to know that they're sexually attractive and virile to have a good self-esteem. This is something that goes back to our reptilian hunter brains, and women need to take this into consideration.

That said, if you give up the sex too quick, and don't ever make him beg for it, you're going to lose a great deal of value for the man. It's all about economics. If I know there's a great deal of supply in the market for sex with you, your value declines. On the other hand, when I see demand for you is high (in myself AND in other guys), your value increases.

So yeah, women who know how to bring their men to a proper boil--without giving it up too fast--are going to have a man who's loyal and values them.

fushigi
p.s. when you say relationships, you don't mean just sex, do you?

**Jason** · May 17, 2007, 03:43 am

Quote:

Quote by: Madeline

Oh yes I do! I have an emotional intimacy with Jesus, and that means the world to me -- but I digress. But as for sharing emotionial intimacy with a boyfriend or spouse, hasn't happened as of yet. I never had a boyfriend who truly loved me from the heart, but I'm sure that God will send one my way -- a godly man that is.

Love,
Madeline

I probably shouldn't say anything, considering I'm the owner of the site here, but I really never quite understood what statements like this mean. Jesus is not here in the same way that other people are. Christians do not have an interpersonal relationship with him in the way they do with other humans. They don't hear his voice. They don't look into his eyes. Jesus doesn't arouse them. It seems to me that either (1) people do not actually have emotional intimacy with him or (2) there's some definition of emotional intimacy of which I am fully incapable of understanding.

Maybe that's because I'm not religious, and I'm not Christian.

Chaossaber314 · May 17, 2007, 09:25 am

I'm Christian and I found that statement by Madeline to just further prove my point about not grasping the concept.

Rave7pt0 · May 17, 2007, 10:14 am

Maddie, you keep saying you want to find a guy interested in more than just sex and your 'outside.' That's great, you should... but what you really mean is you want to find a guy only interested in the inside, to the exclusion of the outside. That's unreasonable, and actually, I think I take exception to you saying that anyone interested in sex doesn't fall into your "good guy" category.

You absolutely do not and can not understand the intimacy that sex offers to a couple in love, and saying you understand it because of Jesus is naive, and a cop out. It's totally different, and I think you'll probably regret waiting for marriage for many reasons, one of which is that the guy you marry will most likely not be a virgin like you.

How will that make you feel? I'm sure if you were faced with that situation you'd say it was fine and that that was his old self, etc... and you may be right. But give it a few years: it will bug the shit out of you, mark my words.

Zhavric · May 17, 2007, 11:56 am

Quote:

Quote by: Madeline

I understand, but I'm not looking for a partner who is sexually active.

More power to you. What I take issue with is what you stated after that.

Quote:

I'm looking for someone who likes me for who I am, not because they want a sexual relationship with me. Even though there are men who are looking for a sexually active relationship with one person, that's not what love is all about -- it's more than just sex. My ex-boyfriends were looking for just that, a sexually active relationship with one person (ME), and that's all they were after. It seems that most men want a sexually active relationship because their attracted to persons physical beauty rather than what's in their heart, and this bothers me. Where are the good guys who like you for what's on the outside and the inside?

Regarding your final question, my first thought would be "all around you". My second would be "you probably dismissed several".

Imagine for a moment you're out having dinner at a fine restaurant with a nice man. He's polite, respectful, charming, well-mannered and interesting to speak to. You find yourself smiling and laughing quite a bit in his company. Dinner goes well. The waiter comes and asks if you would like to order dessert.

You say, "Yes, I'd like to order a slice of your chocolate cake."

The waiter leaves. No sooner is he gone but your date's entire demeanor has changed. He's not smiling and has fixed you with a cool stare.

You: "What's wrong?"

Your date: "I can't believe this. You're just going out with me for the chocolate cake, aren't you? That's your whole reason for being here. You just wanted to order the chocolate cake! You don't care about me at all."

You: "That's ridiculous. I like you for who you are. I just thought chocolate cake would make a nice end to the evening. Don't you want to have chocolate cake with me?"

Your date: "Of course not. Look, I'm on a strict diet. I wouldn't dream of eating chocolate cake until it's my wedding cake I'm slicing into. Once I'm married I'll eat all the cake my wife and I bake together."

You: "Look, you've got this all wrong. I like you for who you are. You're great to be around. We don't have to eat chocolate cake if you don't want to. I guess we could try another dessert... maybe just some coffee?"

Your date: "Women are all the same. They just want to get men into restaurants so they can order chocolate cake. You don't care about me at all. You're just after one thing. What if the cake gives me food poisoning or leaves me with a big fat belly? Did you even consider that?"

You: "I'm sure the cake here has been tested and it's perfectly safe to eat... and if you did get fat... wow... I... I just don't know. Helping someone exercise is a really huge commitment... but I'd be there for you."

Your date: "Suuuure you would. Look. I'm done with this. You're just after me for the chocolate cake. I want someone who's interested in me for who I am... someone who can wait for wedding cake before they dig in. We're FINISHED."

The moral of the story: don't demonize all men who show a passing interest in sex. Sure, there's guys who just want to touch your vajayjay, but there are tons out there who are good men who see sex as a healthy part of a relationship.

They're not out to just sleep with you. They want the package deal. They want dinner, laughter, conversation, hand holding, atmosphere and chocolate cake

Chaossaber314 · May 17, 2007, 12:09 pm

God, I would kill for some chocolate cake right now.

5010 · May 17, 2007, 01:16 pm

I agree character is a better value for relationships than sexuality.

Zhavric · May 17, 2007, 03:28 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Chaossaber314

God, I would kill for some chocolate cake right now.

hahaha

You've shown interest in chocolate cake, therefor you're obsessed with it / ONLY interested in it.

Madeline · May 17, 2007, 04:09 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Chaossaber314

God, I would kill for some chocolate cake right now.

If you do happen to get some, save some for me!:)

Milton Bradley · May 17, 2007, 04:11 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Zhavric

hahaha

You've shown interest in chocolate cake, therefor you're obsessed with it / ONLY interested in it.

Well done!

That really came full circle very quickly.

Madeline · May 17, 2007, 04:14 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Zhavric

........They're not out to just sleep with you. They want the package deal. They want dinner, laughter, conversation, hand holding, atmosphere and chocolate cake

I truncated your post because it was kinda long. A man who wants dinner, laughter, conversation (someone who actually looks you in the eye and pays attention to you and you only), atmosphere and chocolate cake! That's my ideal man, but it seems like this type of man is one in a million. But, I could be wrong.

Btw, He has to be a Christian and godly because as a Christian I adhere to the scriptures; which states that Christians are to be "equally yoked."

Love,
Madeline

Madeline · May 17, 2007, 04:16 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Isherwood

I must agree. What happens of a sexual nature is strictly between myself and my lover...

and a few of my closest friends...a few of my lover's closest friends...those friend's friends, complete strangers, blog readers, and most likely the mailman. Like PH said, that's personal!

Not cool!!! J/K! I was doing the caveman thingy from the Geico commercial where the caveman sad "NOT COOL" I know, I'm silly!:)

Love,
Madeline

Madeline · May 17, 2007, 04:31 pm

Quote:

Quote by: fushigi

Like you, Maddie, I've had four relationships--two were over 3 years (before I hit 21 :eek:), one was 7, and the current one is sneaking up on 2 years. Personally, I think you have to recognize that any guy worth having will be very romantic, which means sexual.

Guys need to know that they're sexually attractive and virile to have a good self-esteem. This is something that goes back to our reptilian hunter brains, and women need to take this into consideration.

That said, if you give up the sex too quick, and don't ever make him beg for it, you're going to lose a great deal of value for the man. It's all about economics. If I know there's a great deal of supply in the market for sex with you, your value declines. On the other hand, when I see demand for you is high (in myself AND in other guys), your value increases.

So yeah, women who know how to bring their men to a proper boil--without giving it up too fast--are going to have a man who's loyal and values them.

fushigi
p.s. when you say relationships, you don't mean just sex, do you?

But not all guys are sexually attractive to some girls, and men need to deal with this -- not be puffed up. I don't guys who think too much of themselves because it's a total turn off. And one thing I would never do is "give it up" too fast, sex isn't all that important for me...but then I don't know what sex is all about when it is involved with Romance -- but I dit take sexual education.

Love,
Madeline

Arawn-ap-Hywel · May 17, 2007, 04:41 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Madeline

How many relationships have you had so far? I had 4 boyfriends in the past, but didn't quite work out because they were only after sex. I was looking for someone who is more interested in a persons heart rather than their appearance. I'm totally worn out by guys who ask me out just to get me in bed, and it's sooo hard to find godly men out there. What about some of you? What sort of relationships have you had in the past, and how many?

Love,
Madeline

Madeline with lifeforms or non sentient things?
You have been limited with the scope of your question

Zhavric · May 17, 2007, 04:41 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Madeline

I truncated your post because it was kinda long. A man who wants dinner, laughter, conversation (someone who actually looks you in the eye and pays attention to you and you only), atmosphere and chocolate cake! That's my ideal man, but it seems like this type of man is one in a million. But, I could be wrong.

Btw, He has to be a Christian and godly because as a Christian I adhere to the scriptures; which states that Christians are to be "equally yoked."

Love,
Madeline

I'm still concerned you haven't grasped the moral of the story. Do you see how ridiculous it is to demonize someone for asking for chocolate cake? Do you see how it's actually a small part of the relationship?

Remember that scriptures were written in the bronze age by hippies who saw women as belongings. A father who caught a young man sleeping with his daughter without marrying her first was more apt to treat him like a thief or a vandal rather than someone who may be interested in his daughter.

Why subject yourself to the alleged laws of a book that freely endorses slavery amongst other things?

PatrickHenry · May 17, 2007, 04:44 pm

I remember a woman I liked many years back, Madeline. She was so beautiful. I had seen her a few times and I indicated that I would like to be intimate with her. She got scared, I guess.

She told me I had "spoiled it" and disappeared from my life. She moved out of her place before I could make an apology and I never saw her again. If she could only have understood that I wasn't demanding sex...I wanted a deep relationship. But she cut it off and I was lonely again...

WindWip · May 17, 2007, 04:55 pm

Well, relationships that lasted longer than a month - probably about 12. Friendships that got sexual? um.. no comment. :)

Madeline · May 17, 2007, 05:45 pm

Wow, the word "Sex" sure is mentioned a lot here on this forum. Or is it just me? :)

Madeline · May 17, 2007, 05:47 pm

Quote:

Quote by: PatrickHenry

I remember a woman I liked many years back, Madeline. She was so beautiful. I had seen her a few times and I indicated that I would like to be intimate with her. She got scared, I guess.

She told me I had "spoiled it" and disappeared from my life. She moved out of her place before I could make an apology and I never saw her again. If she could only have understood that I wasn't demanding sex...I wanted a deep relationship. But she cut it off and I was lonely again...

Sorry to hear about that PH!:(

Love,
Madeline

View Poll Results: How many relationships have you had so far?
1-2	12	42.86%
2-4	5	17.86%
4-6	3	10.71%
Lost track!	8	28.57%
Voters: 28. You may not vote

May 17, 2007, 02:51 am	#22 (permalink) (top)
fushigi Hot Lava Location: Beijing Posts: 2,414	Like you, Maddie, I've had four relationships--two were over 3 years (before I hit 21 :eek:), one was 7, and the current one is sneaking up on 2 years. Personally, I think you have to recognize that any guy worth having will be very romantic, which means sexual. Guys need to know that they're sexually attractive and virile to have a good self-esteem. This is something that goes back to our reptilian hunter brains, and women need to take this into consideration. That said, if you give up the sex too quick, and don't ever make him beg for it, you're going to lose a great deal of value for the man. It's all about economics. If I know there's a great deal of supply in the market for sex with you, your value declines. On the other hand, when I see demand for you is high (in myself AND in other guys), your value increases. So yeah, women who know how to bring their men to a proper boil--without giving it up too fast--are going to have a man who's loyal and values them. fushigi p.s. when you say relationships, you don't mean just sex, do you? "What truth endures beneath the flaming stream?" -- A Volcano, Bartolome de Las Casas, Inferno de Marsaya, 1536

May 17, 2007, 09:25 am	#24 (permalink) (top)
Chaossaber314 The Cake is a lie... Location: St. Louis Posts: 2,388	I'm Christian and I found that statement by Madeline to just further prove my point about not grasping the concept. What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

May 17, 2007, 10:14 am	#25 (permalink) (top)
Rave7pt0 Igneous Magma Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 373	Maddie, you keep saying you want to find a guy interested in more than just sex and your 'outside.' That's great, you should... but what you really mean is you want to find a guy only interested in the inside, to the exclusion of the outside. That's unreasonable, and actually, I think I take exception to you saying that anyone interested in sex doesn't fall into your "good guy" category. You absolutely do not and can not understand the intimacy that sex offers to a couple in love, and saying you understand it because of Jesus is naive, and a cop out. It's totally different, and I think you'll probably regret waiting for marriage for many reasons, one of which is that the guy you marry will most likely not be a virgin like you. How will that make you feel? I'm sure if you were faced with that situation you'd say it was fine and that that was his old self, etc... and you may be right. But give it a few years: it will bug the shit out of you, mark my words. Rave7pt0.net BlizzLink.com -- Blizzard Entertainment Tournaments and Clans

May 17, 2007, 12:09 pm	#27 (permalink) (top)
Chaossaber314 The Cake is a lie... Location: St. Louis Posts: 2,388	God, I would kill for some chocolate cake right now. What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

May 17, 2007, 01:16 pm	#28 (permalink) (top)
5010 mostly harmless Location: USA Posts: 1,284	I agree character is a better value for relationships than sexuality. - solo (my site)

May 17, 2007, 04:44 pm	#37 (permalink) (top)
PatrickHenry 9/11: Inside Job Location: Hawai'i, Big Island Posts: 10,453	I remember a woman I liked many years back, Madeline. She was so beautiful. I had seen her a few times and I indicated that I would like to be intimate with her. She got scared, I guess. She told me I had "spoiled it" and disappeared from my life. She moved out of her place before I could make an apology and I never saw her again. If she could only have understood that I wasn't demanding sex...I wanted a deep relationship. But she cut it off and I was lonely again... "Arms in the hands of the citizens may be used at individual discretion for the defense of the country, the overthrow of tyranny or private self-defense." -- John Adams

May 17, 2007, 04:55 pm	#38 (permalink) (top)
WindWip Rationalist Location: Berkeley Posts: 158	Well, relationships that lasted longer than a month - probably about 12. Friendships that got sexual? um.. no comment. :) Last edited by WindWip; May 17, 2007 at 07:03 pm.

May 17, 2007, 05:45 pm	#39 (permalink) (top)
Madeline Daughter of God Location: California Posts: 670	Wow, the word "Sex" sure is mentioned a lot here on this forum. Or is it just me? :) Me and God, we'd be mates ;-)