Is Looking at Pornography Cheating?

[Sarah22]

Quote by: fushigi Uh, yeah. Gotta agree with you there. But what if he'd had his girlfriend's consent? Still cheating? And would you have gone for it?

I'll think of it in terms of her consenting to a strip club ..I guess. So if she didn't have a problem with it, then it's fine.
With him though, I wouldn't.

[PatrickHenry]

Quote by: Rinoa Personal peetpeeve right there...Don't call a woman sweetie unless she is A) your significant other or B) a relative. I answer phones for a living, and nothing makes me feel more talked down to than a stranger on the phone using a pet name. Sorry to sidetrack, but you don't seem like the type that enjoys offending women that way, so I thought I'd let you know that it can.

No, I don't wish to offend. But there is something so innocent about Madeline and her views on this topic.

It's a name I use for my own daughter...And if you were offended, my apology, Rinoa.

However, I'll let Madeline correct me for any offense to her...

[fushigi]

Seriously, if we can't call our little Maddie "sweetie," who CAN we use the word for? :)

She's like tinybear without all the trolling.

[Madeline]

PH, I'm not bothered by it at alll because I'm sure that you meant it in a friendly way.:) And wow! I didn't think that a thread on pornography would last this long. And regarding strip clubs...I have noticed that many people have bachelor and bachelorette parties where men and women strippers are present. They usually have these parties days before they get married. Why is that?

Love,
Madeline

[fushigi]

Seriously, I have no idea. The whole bachelor party thing just weirds me out (and, BTW, I'd DEFINITELY consider anything done at a bachelor/bachelorette party with a stripper cheating. And, unless the husband/bride-to-be is VERY forthcoming about having strippers, just having them there is cheating too).

Also I think it's a total double-standard. I don't know ANY guy who'd be OK with his fiancee having sex with a stripper the night before she got married to him, yet most women are forced to adopt a "well, whatever happens happens, I just don't want to know about it" position.

I guess the idea is "one last hurrah," but seriously, if you need that, you're not ready for marriage. I guarantee any guy who's excited about having strippers for a BP is going to cheat on his wife later.

The whole logic is messed up. It's like deciding to become fiscally responsible tomorrow and then saying, "well then, tonight I'm going to drain my bank account."

If you want to make a commitment to do something, just do it. Otherwise don't do it.

And for God's sake, don't celebrate doing something before you even start. That's just sad.

fushigi

[Rinoa]

Fushigi: I agree with you, the idea of it doesn't really make sense to me either...especially if the couple is having sex with the strippers they hire at their seperate parties...that just seems wrong.

I'd be eh about him going to a stripper bachelor party, and maybe even a lap dance...but anything more than that and the wedding would probably be called off.

Quote by: PatrickHenry No, I don't wish to offend. But there is something so innocent about Madeline and her views on this topic. It's a name I use for my own daughter...And if you were offended, my apology, Rinoa. However, I'll let Madeline correct me for any offense to her...

No worries, and I know it doesn't bug every girl(like I said, personal pet peeve), and maybe it's just because of my job that it bugs me so much. I work with truckers, and 90% of the time the ones that use those words for me are hitting on me, even though they're old enough to be my grandpa...*shudder* Sorry if I went overboard or sounded mean.

[Chaossaber314]

Fushigi, I kind of agree with you, but there are bachelor parties where the guest of honor doesn't sleep with the strippers.

[Praxius]

There's a difference between a stripper and a hooker.... but some do tend to do some things that are not on their resume.

Yeah I don't get just about anything when it comes to marriage.

You can't have sex until your married, so how do you know if you'll be stuck with someone who's crap in bed for the rest of your life?

If you are going to get married, then you have a Bachelor Party with a stripper, or hooker, whatever the plan is, as Fush said, what the hell? That's a great way to start off your marriage..... with an STD. So in other words, instead of not having sex before you're married, you're having sex the night before you get married, with someone who's not the person you marry.

The whole ceremony of marriage is one big waste of money, to glamour up something that's basically no different then having a room mate or living with your girlfriend.... the only main difference is you got an expensive diamond ring some slave children died for in Africa, and if you decide to split the relationship, be prepared to loose a crap load of your assets.

George Clooney got it right..... have a pet pig and screw all the long term comitments.

[Rinoa]

Quote by: Praxius The whole ceremony of marriage is one big waste of money, to glamour up something that's basically no different then having a room mate or living with your girlfriend.... the only main difference is you got an expensive diamond ring some slave children died for in Africa, and if you decide to split the relationship, be prepared to loose a crap load of your assets. George Clooney got it right..... have a pet pig and screw all the long term comitments.

The difference is in the commitment. You can just kick out a roommate or dump a girlfriend. But marriage, excluding divorce, is a lifelong commitment to be with that person. I agree that it has been overcommercialized...The average wedding cost is currently around 30,000 dollars(if I remember correctly) Which is absolutely ridiculous. Honestly, I don't wanna spend more than 3000, and even that is making me choke. But there is a difference. The mindset of the two people, and the length of time changes the relationships.

[Chaossaber314]

Quote by: Praxius You can't have sex until your married, so how do you know if you'll be stuck with someone who's crap in bed for the rest of your life?

Ideally, that shouldn't be the focus of your marriage. Worst case scenario, you work to improve the other person in bed.

If you are going to get married, then you have a Bachelor Party with a stripper, or hooker, whatever the plan is, as Fush said, what the hell? That's a great way to start off your marriage..... with an STD. So in other words, instead of not having sex before you're married, you're having sex the night before you get married, with someone who's not the person you marry.

Provided you have sex with the entertainment.

The whole ceremony of marriage is one big waste of money, to glamour up something that's basically no different then having a room mate or living with your girlfriend.... the only main difference is you got an expensive diamond ring some slave children died for in Africa, and if you decide to split the relationship, be prepared to loose a crap load of your assets.

Provided you don't get a pre-nupt.

[Praxius]

The difference is in the commitment. You can just kick out a roommate or dump a girlfriend. But marriage, excluding divorce, is a lifelong commitment to be with that person. I agree that it has been overcommercialized...The average wedding cost is currently around 30,000 dollars(if I remember correctly) Which is absolutely ridiculous. Honestly, I don't wanna spend more than 3000, and even that is making me choke. But there is a difference. The mindset of the two people, and the length of time changes the relationships.

True, but I've seen couples live as common law without an official marriage for many years....

[Rinoa]

They might live together indefinitely, but marriage is the step they take when they want to promise that that won't change. Just because you've lived with someone for a long time doesn't mean that you intend to spend the rest of your life with them. Shacking up addresses the present and the present only. Marriage is a promise for the future.

[Praxius]

Quote by: Rinoa They might live together indefinitely, but marriage is the step they take when they want to promise that that won't change. Just because you've lived with someone for a long time doesn't mean that you intend to spend the rest of your life with them. Shacking up addresses the present and the present only. Marriage is a promise for the future.

That's what they say.... however my past experiences with my parents, my uncles, my ex's families and the ammount of divorces that came out of all of them..... I think that promise is just one big expensive promise that can be the same as saying, "Hey I love you, we get along great, we've been living together for years now, why not just live together for the rest of our lives?"

"Ok!"

and then you just saved yourself thousands of dollars and wasting your time with legalities if something happens down the road.

A marriage is a promise for forever, but it's not that way anymore, and most marriages today end up in divorce anyways...... so really, you loose a lot of money on a wedding, and you then loose even more money in a divorce..... so why bother?

[Nono]

Quote by: PH There is something so innocent about Madeline.

Quote by: Madeline I didn't think that a thread on pornography would last this long.

Case closed.

Quote by: Rinoa I don't wanna spend more than 3000, and even that is making me choke.

Don't spend much. It's a racket, like funerals. A modest celebration for close friends and family is all that's needed. The wedding ain't where it's at.

[Rinoa]

Quote by: Praxius That's what they say.... however my past experiences with my parents, my uncles, my ex's families and the ammount of divorces that came out of all of them..... I think that promise is just one big expensive promise that can be the same as saying, "Hey I love you, we get along great, we've been living together for years now, why not just live together for the rest of our lives?" "Ok!" and then you just saved yourself thousands of dollars and wasting your time with legalities if something happens down the road.

From a purely legal and societal stance(I will leave religion out of this as it is a different type of marriage) that and a little paperwork is all being married is.

A marriage is a promise for forever, but it's not that way anymore, and most marriages today end up in divorce anyways...... so really, you loose a lot of money on a wedding, and you then loose even more money in a divorce..... so why bother?

Actually the divorce rate in America is below 45%, and is actually dropping, though slowly. So most marriages don't end in divorce. (Most second time marriages, however, do end in divorce...the rate for those is around 75%, please take into consideration that this is included in the above divorce rate)

A wedding is really just a big party to celebrate your happiness with your partner while pledging your life to them. So if you consider an elaborate party to be a loss of money then so be it...Find a girl who is willing to go cheap.

As for losing money in a divorce...There has to be a reason to get alimony, and the only money that is split between a couple is the money made after they get married, unless the richer of the two owes the other damages(for example, if one cheats) The judge isn't gonna send you to the poor house just because your wife wants alimony. Generally it's used to even out the income of both couples for a short period of time after the divorce, and the average divorce agreement doesn't include it.

Don't. It's a racket, like funerals. A modest celebration for close friends and family is all that's needed. The wedding ain't where it's at.

lol, true. I do think that part of it depends on the money a couple has though...if I had a couple mill I'd probably be willing to waste a little more money on that kind of party.

[Chaossaber314]

Quote by: Nono Don't spend much. It's a racket, like funerals. A modest celebration for close friends and family is all that's needed. The wedding ain't where it's at.

Or if your significant other demands a big wedding citing tradition or some other nonsense remind her that the father of the bride is supposed to fit the bill.