Is Looking at Pornography Cheating?

[RickSp]

Quote by: Hmm Wait a second. Are you calling masturbation "nasty?"

Only if you do it right.

[Rinoa]

I disagree, I think if you don't ask it's more likely to be considered cheating because that's hiding it. Part of what makes sleeping with a person other than your mate bad is the deception that goes with it. To me, if he doesn't feel comfortable asking we shouldn't be dating, and he shouldn't be doing it.

Rick: lmao...Nice.

[Praxius]

Quote by: Madeline Praxius, I was just thinking after reading your post and the title under your username....Anyways, as I stated before that I am a Christian and believe it is wrong to look at lust after another as stated by Jesus. If we are capable of looking at pornographic pictures whilst doing nasty things to ourself, then whose to say that we are not capable of acting it out in real life? -- there lies the danger.

Fair enough.... to each their own.

Your question:

"If we are capable of looking at pornographic pictures whilst doing nasty things to ourself, then whose to say that we are not capable of acting it out in real life?"

Trust me... .I have seen some crazy crap out there..... some of it is pretty nasty, other things are kind of interesting...... but just because I can watch something, or I find something errotic, doesn't mean I want to act it out in real life.

For example.... and bare with me here, cuz I know you're not too keen on some of this....... but hypothetically.... let say I enjoy watching porn with a big orgy going on...... now I may find that as a turn on..... but that doesn't mean that I would want to do it..... for me it would be a no, mainly because of the ammount of risks outweight the benifits, transfer of STDs, someone becoming pregnant, someone getting jellious....etc.... why put up with that trouble? But if I watch it, that's a different thing... I am not involved and I am not in any danger of these problems.

[Praxius]

Quote by: shawmutt Now, I do feel guilty occasionally because I feel like I'm doing my part to exploit women, but that's another topic.

Nobody is dragging those women in front of the camera and forcing them to do what they do.... and there are guys in there just as much as women.... so the "Exploitation" is mutual imo.

[Arawn-ap-Hywel]

Quote by: Heather I have had many discussions with women (and some men) where they seems to feel that if their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse is looking at (among other things) pornography that this is no different than cheating. The argument seems to be that the pornography offender has made a commitment to the other, and as such, needs to uphold that, even in regards to what they admires and find pleasurable. I say looking at porn is really no different than having a sexual fantasy, which we all have and there is no way to regulate that, so what’s the difference? It is seems to me to be little more than an "aide" to that fantasy. I think there is a definite distinction between looking and touching. Or can looking be harmful to the relationship as well, giving this idea a credible basis? What do you think?

Looking a pronography by oneself is just a masturbation aid. Which for females is perfectly acceptable.

For a male this is an adverse act if he enales orgasm through such self stimulation. It also shows the males lack of discipline to consider undertaking a sexual act for selfish purposes.

Pornogrophy should only be viewed by adults as means of mutual stimulation and arousal.

For any male viewing pornographic material by himself, it is an act of cheating, himself.

[Rinoa]

That's a backwards double standard. lol

Why do you feel that male masturbation is any different than female masturbation?

[Arawn-ap-Hywel]

Quote by: Rinoa That's a backwards double standard. lol Why do you feel that male masturbation is any different than female masturbation?

It is an amusing view.

From my spiritual roots and beliefs female orgasms are a wonderful thing for a woman to experience.
However a male must learn greater emotional and bodily discipline and hold back, preferably refraining from releasing sperm until a number of days of sensual delights have past, the more the better. The males arousal should be centered purely upon his sexual partener (preferably a female but in these more enlightened times another male) therefore to indulge in an act of purely selfishe relief and indulgance indicates complete lack of compassion and that he has failed to control his ego.

[Rinoa]

...What is your religion? I kinda like that girls come first in bed idea...

[gw120]

From my spiritual roots and beliefs female orgasms are a wonderful thing for a woman to experience. However a male must learn greater emotional and bodily discipline and hold back, preferably refraining from releasing sperm until a number of days of sensual delights have past, the more the better. The males arousal should be centered purely upon his sexual partener (preferably a female but in these more enlightened times another male) therefore to indulge in an act of purely selfishe relief and indulgance indicates complete lack of compassion and that he has failed to control his ego.

So what, women can't be selfish and want relief? That's a wee bit selfish don't ya think?

[Praxius]

Quote by: Arawn-ap-Hywel From my spiritual roots and beliefs female orgasms are a wonderful thing for a woman to experience. However a male must learn greater emotional and bodily discipline and hold back, preferably refraining from releasing sperm until a number of days of sensual delights have past, the more the better.

Easy for you to say lil' miss Multiple Orgasm.... Tell me why men shouldn't be allowed to have more then one orgasm every few days..... how come your views think it's perfectly fine for women to do what they want, but men have to show restraint and isn't a wonderful thing as you like to put it?

How come women can and are permitted to having more then one orgasm during sex, but you don't think men should be able to for days on end?

You are probably referring to build up, but the build up of a male's sperm count is generally at full capacity after 24 hours..... so why wait it out for multiple days for one big orgasm as you seem to think occurs, rather then more then one good orgasm in a short period of time?

If you want to talk about prolonging things to make it better in the end, then perhaps females should do the same..... if not.... then don't preach how we shouldn't be permitted to have one when we want it, how we want it.

Do you even realize just how much of a pain in the ass it truly is when you want sex, but you can't do anything about it? Have you ever heard of the term Blue Ball? Yeah.... I could say I experienced this once..... and it sucks..... it occurred one time while I was testing out your above theory.... in the end, not only did I put up with a lot of uncomfortibleness, but when I did decide to have the orgasm, the buildup was too much at the time, that it canceled out pretty much all sensation, and therefore, it didn't just feel like I had no orgasm, but I continued to hurt for a period of time afterwards. It was a waste of time and energy. Due to the sensation being built up for so long, it didn't last long either.... perhaps my girlfriend may have enjoyed it for a brief moment in time.... but I didn't.... and I guess by your standards, that is all that is required.... screw the man getting any pleasure..... it's all about you...... F* That!! Literally!

The males arousal should be centered purely upon his sexual partener (preferably a female but in these more enlightened times another male) therefore to indulge in an act of purely selfishe relief and indulgance indicates complete lack of compassion and that he has failed to control his ego.

You can't be serious with this? Do you seriously believe this? I've studied sexual relations, performance, habits, positions, pretty much anything and everything in regards to the act of sex for the last 18 years or so of my life..... you make it sound like men are made to service women..... and if we take one iota of time to ourselves to jerk it off or do whatever any man deems they want to do with their body..... you call them selfish, a high ego, and basically wrong by your standards......

So how come you don't hold women to the same traits? This sounds like the worst sexist comment I've read in a long time, and this is so ignorant on the rights of the individual (Male in particular) that I can't let this slide.... I'm actually feeling a bit offended by this..... I'm actually getting all misty and shit. :eek:

I'm sorry if I'm coming off offensive, but I found this comment quite offensive..... It's easy to preach what you think a male should and shouldn't do with their body, and allow women to do wtf they want to do without ridicule, considering women end up usually having many more orgasms then a male will ever have in their life time..... you think it's fair to pass judgment on a guy if he decides to masturbate the way you just did?

That's very sexist and I don't see any humor in that.

[tmay563]

I think calling it cheating is a stretch but I think it is safe to say it will definitely not do anything to improve the relationship and can cause maybe some letdowns when you actually are being intimate with your significant other because it is never like it is in the porno, so I would say it is probably better to stay away from it.

[Arawn-ap-Hywel]

Quote by: Rinoa ...What is your religion? I kinda like that girls come first in bed idea...

Rinoa I am not a religious person, what I practice is not a religion it is love.

Most girls do like the principle of ladies first :)

[Arawn-ap-Hywel]

Quote by: gw120 So what, women can't be selfish and want relief? That's a wee bit selfish don't ya think?

gw It's the difference of body purpose, the genders are different and chemical reactions during orgasm are thus different between male and female.
Selfish for a woman to seek growth through self pleasure? No, she will gain insight and be better able to share pleasure with her chosen partner :)

[Arawn-ap-Hywel]

Quote by: Praxius Easy for you to say lil' miss Multiple Orgasm.... Tell me why men shouldn't be allowed to have more then one orgasm every few days..... how come your views think it's perfectly fine for women to do what they want, but men have to show restraint and isn't a wonderful thing as you like to put it? How come women can and are permitted to having more then one orgasm during sex, but you don't think men should be able to for days on end?:

see response to gw

Quote by: Praxius You are probably referring to build up, but the build up of a male's sperm count is generally at full capacity after 24 hours..... so why wait it out for multiple days for one big orgasm as you seem to think occurs, rather then more then one good orgasm in a short period of time?:

It not about acheiving some super orgasm with high volumes of spem its about full control of mind and emotion rather than allowing male self to be ruled by penis :)

Quote by: Praxius Do you even realize just how much of a pain in the ass it truly is when you want sex, but you can't do anything about it? Have you ever heard of the term Blue Ball? ?

This is myth used by young men to make their girlfriends grant them relief hand oral anal or through full intercourse. The pain in the ass thing means a guy has and is only focusing on their penis needs not on their own contribution. Besides you can still have sex, just not ejeculate, it is very difficult at first :)

Quote by: Praxius You can't be serious with this? Do you seriously believe this? I've studied sexual relations, performance, habits, positions, pretty much anything and everything in regards to the act of sex for the last 18 years or so of my life..... you make it sound like men are made to service women..... and if we take one iota of time to ourselves to jerk it off or do whatever any man deems they want to do with their body..... you call them selfish, a high ego, and basically wrong by your standards......:

This is typical of the male who cannot enjoy full sharing. t is the first time anyone has placed it this way to me, often it is seen as males who wish to dominate a female :)

Quote by: Praxius I'm sorry if I'm coming off offensive, but I found this comment quite offensive..... It's easy to preach what you think a male should and shouldn't do with their body, and allow women to do wtf they want to do without ridicule, considering women end up usually having many more orgasms then a male will ever have in their life time..... you think it's fair to pass judgment on a guy if he decides to masturbate the way you just did?:

I have not taken any offense by your observations and comments. We are all thankfully different. I have expressed a view that for you must seem radical. I have no expectation of you or any othe reader of Volconvo adopting it.

Quote by: Praxius That's very sexist and I don't see any humor in that.

It is not meant as sexist, and if I;'ve casued offence it was not an intention.
As for humour, well we have to enjoy a little or the whole world become extremely boring

[Heather]

Quote by: Praxius …so they feel the man or whoever is watching it, is getting something out of it that they are not getting in the relationship..... which is 80% not the case for most people..... granted there maybe a few like that, and if they are they should end the relationship…

Great point. I think you’re right that many women feel too insecure with themselves. I won’t deny that I have my problems in that area as well, however, I have also noticed that the majority of men don’t necessarily expect “real women” to look like they do in magazines, etc. Men have common sense, and if all he is after is how she looks, then he’s not worth the time. Many women seem to have a hard time, in my experience, understanding this. If it’s a performance issues, then there needs to be communication, if there is none, then shame on both of them.

Quote by: Praxius You will notice the majority of women who do like porn, are generally in good physical condition and have good confidence in their bodies and abilities.... while those who were out of the average weight, or have had bad relationships in the past, generally have a lower self esteme and start the comparisons to the women in the porn.......

I will interject here to add that I myself am very far from what those girls in magazines look like, yet have never felt threatened in any way by my partner “looking”. In fact, I encourage it within reason, and often involve myself as well. I certainly have my own self-esteem issues, but by the same token, I know myself well enough to know that I have much more than a body to give to a relationship. My experience has been that women who know themselves in body and mind, are the ones who feel less threatened about pornography.

Quote by: Madeline Why would any one want to look at male pornography if they have a husband or boyfriend? Is there something your man can't offer that these men can? I'm a Christian and I believe what Jesus said, that whoever lusts upon another person whilst married has committed adultery in their heart. Of course people will disagree with me, but to each their own.

Welcome Madeline!

Might I ask, in your opinion, is having a sexual fantasy wrong?

Quote by: Madeline If we are capable of looking at pornographic pictures whilst doing nasty things to ourself, then whose to say that we are not capable of acting it out in real life? -- there lies the danger.

You assume that masturbation is a “nasty thing”. To you it may be, and I certainly wouldn’t argue with your personal preferences. However, I feel that masturbation is far from “nasty” and is in fact, a natural act.

Also, I question living our lives based on “what ifs”. Your assumtion that one who masturbates may act it out makes it seem as though the person can’t possibly know themselves well enough to know the difference between touching themselves and touching another.

Quote by: tinybear I think you should stay away from the Finest Men Of All Time thread, Heather.

Make me.



Another thing I would like to point out, is that in a healthy relationship, pornography can give the viewer ideas to try with their partner to “spice” things up.

[Hmm]

Quote by: Madeline @hmm YES!

Why?

[Praxius]

Ok, seriously I wasn't that offended.... but a point kinda had to be made.... anywho.... on we go:

Quote by: Arawn-ap-Hywel see response to gw "gw It's the difference of body purpose, the genders are different and chemical reactions during orgasm are thus different between male and female. Selfish for a woman to seek growth through self pleasure? No, she will gain insight and be better able to share pleasure with her chosen partner"

That's not a good enough answer for me, lol

Who is to say a man couldn't get insight from doing the same thing? Infact... it would tell them more about what pleasures them, what will make them last longer.... what might make your night better next time.

It not about acheiving some super orgasm with high volumes of spem its about full control of mind and emotion rather than allowing male self to be ruled by penis :)

Do you seriously believe the majority of males are ruled by their penis? I am case in point that contradicts that claim.... I won't go into details right now, but let's just say I got my control over my body and mind just fine.... and I don't need to restrict what I want to do with my life in any way.

This is myth used by young men to make their girlfriends grant them relief hand oral anal or through full intercourse. The pain in the ass thing means a guy has and is only focusing on their penis needs not on their own contribution. Besides you can still have sex, just not ejeculate, it is very difficult at first :)

You know..... this could be very easily compared to a guy telling a woman giving birth doesn't hurt that much..... it's pretty arogant and ignorant towards what men actually are..... sorry this sound so..... so..... 1952.

#1 - I don't think I would considder myself a "Young Man" anymore..... I've gone through enough BS in my lifetime to at least get a bit more respect then that, thank you.

#2 - It's only a myth to you because you have no way of understanding or experiencing what men go through.... you don't hear me on here trivializing your period or giving birth, do you? I honestly never though the term blue ball ment anything at all.... until it happened once..... and that pain is something I wouldn't want to use as an excuse..... that sucks.

Allow me to educate you on some of the inner workings of the human male testicle:

- They produce sperm constantly, and unlimitly.
- After a certain period of time if not used, the sperm is transferred back into the body for energy.
- from first hand experience, this transfer back to energy doesn't happen as fast as the testicle develop sperm.... therefore any long term buildup, any quick stops in sexual intercourse prior to ejaculation, etc.... will all cause a very painful swelling, and if it goes on for too long.... it can be quite the incompasitating pain...... so please don't tell me it's a myth.

This is typical of the male who cannot enjoy full sharing. t is the first time anyone has placed it this way to me, often it is seen as males who wish to dominate a female :)

I am very willing to "Share" and by this, I share the common ideal that sex should be a mutual thing..... equal in what you want to do, equal in what you desire..... if you want your girl friend to take control, that's your thing.... if you like your guy to be a little rough once in a while or super romantic.... that's your thing.... so long as you get enjoyment out of it, that's all that matters.... sharing each other without restrictions is the purest way to enjoy sex. Making sure that your partner understand what you enjoy and they can enjoy it with you, and vice versa, then you have the perfect system..... restricting one or the other is not the answer.... and I feel you're saying the male should be restricted...... maybe you met too many assholes in your life who never grew up... which is why you have your understanding the way you do. There are plenty of great guys out there..... who can do everythign you want..... you just gotta find them before some other girl comes along and screws them all up.

It is not meant as sexist, and if I;'ve casued offence it was not an intention. As for humour, well we have to enjoy a little or the whole world become extremely boring

Indeed.... I found it slightly offensive, mainly because I know when a male would come on here or anywhere else for that matter and express ideals such as those..... there would be a load of women ready to rip his balls off..... (No pun intended to the topic at hand..... And no pun intended with the hand in the pun. :eek: )

[shawmutt]

#2 - It's only a myth to you because you have no way of understanding or experiencing what men go through.... you don't hear me on here trivializing your period or giving birth, do you?

But you believe a man has a right to make a woman carry a baby that she doesn't want to term.

I honestly never though the term blue ball ment anything at all.... until it happened once..... and that pain is something I wouldn't want to use as an excuse..... that sucks.

Blue balls are a myth. I've experience sexual frustration too, but to call it painful is a farce. Kidney stones...now those are painful. Getting a chlamydia/gonorrhea test done, that's a little painful. Getting kicked in the nuts with stilleto heels, that's really painful. Waking up like John Bobbit that fateful morning...ok you get the idea.

[Praxius]

Quote by: shawmutt But you believe a man has a right to make a woman carry a baby that she doesn't want to term.

When did I ever say that? No I don't, but the man's wishes should be a factor in the overall decision.

Blue balls are a myth. I've experience sexual frustration too, but to call it painful is a farce.

Then apparently you never had what I experienced. I am not a person who needs to make up excuses to have sex. I don't even like the term Blue Ball.... but if anything could explain what happened to me during that incident, it would be that. I too have had sexual frustration at times, and I have delt with it well.... but this example I was talking about was a rare attempt on my behalf to try and prolong things..... and if you try to do that for a long period of time..... trust me.... you'll know what I am talking about.

Kidney stones...now those are painful. Getting a chlamydia/gonorrhea test done, that's a little painful. Getting kicked in the nuts with stilleto heels, that's really painful. Waking up like John Bobbit that fateful morning...ok you get the idea.

Yeah and trust me on this one...... getting stung in the left testicle by a hornet three times..... That's really painful.... this blue ball incident I experienced wasn't as painful as getting stung in my nut by a hornet when I was 11..... but it still sucked.

Tell me just how painful it is when you get insect venom injected into your balls three separate times in a short period of time, because you were wearing jogging pants with a small hole in the crotch, enough for a hornet to sneak in, when their nest was mysteriously destroyed.

Trust me, I know pain.... and I know suffering.

This is in regards to prolonged sexual torment for days without some form of relief from pressure. If sex is not on the mind, it's not so bad.... if it's in your face for days on in, and you can't do anything about it.... your hormones will kick the sperm production into high gear, because subconsciously your body thinks it's going to be used soon.... it's not a myth.... it's actual fact on how the male body produces sperm.... how the body reacts to an overload will vary from person to person.

[Arawn-ap-Hywel]

shawmutt It appears "Blue Balls" is not a myth, though medialc opinion varies and only a limited number of adolescent males suffer the condition.

Blue Balls & Sex : What are Blue Balls? : Discovery Health

"Blue Balls"

Urology -- Male issues: "Blue Ball"

"Blue Balls": A Diagnostic Consideration in Testiculoscrotal Pain in Young Adults: A Case Report and Discussion -- Chalett and Nerenberg 106 (4): 843 -- Pediatrics

The medical profession seems unsure as to whether or not ejeculation is the best form of relief from the pain. It is apparent to me that it like many other body pains could be eased and controlled if the male considered has the correct mind and training. Though it would be very important that the male concerened fully understands his body for the symptoms could be early signs of another problem for which medical attention should be sought.