What should I do about my boys?

[NanaOP]

I have 4 children. 2 from first marriage. 2 from 2nd marriage (1 bio, 1 step). I divorced the abusive childrens father when they were very small and had to raise them myself for 10 years before i got remarried. During this entire time i got NO child support. When my ex-husband left he cleaned out the bank accounts and left us with $20K in debts. I worked 2 and 3 jobs trying to raise the sons on my own. My ex-husband told me that i should raise them...and then one day he would steal the boys from me when they were all grown-up.

When the boys were teenagers, i remarried another man and have another 2 children by him (1 biological son and 1 step-son teenager who lives with us every other weekend). My first 2 kids did not get along well with their new step dad. They was constant arguing. The stepdad was not nice to me either. He hid all of his wages and money from me so i had to work on my own to pay for groceries, bills and expenses for our son. I was like a single mom all over again except we shared the same house. I left him several times and almost divorced him twice but every time i got close he would apologize and say we can work it out so i decided to stay for the sake of our sons (didn't want them to come from broken home like my other sons). The boys got along ok with their step-brothers.

Then my ex-husband won the lotto! My boys went with him to collect the winnings and did not tell me about it ahead of time. I had to find out about it on the news!

Then my ex-husband gave my sons $1 Million each! The second son came to my house a few days later to help me around the house. He asked if i called my ex to congratulate him. I said NO! What business is it to me? But out of all of the people to win, why did it have to be my ex-husband? My son said to me that it was better for my ex-husband to win than his step-father! How can he say that? He only talked about what he wanted to do with "his" money but neither son wrote me a cheque....and nothing to the step-brothers also!

Weeks went by when I went to the bank and found out they deposited $50K to my account ($25K each out of their $2M windfall to their OWN MOTHER!). I immediately asked the teller to withdraw the money and I returned it to them without a word. After everything i did for them...all of the jobs and sacrifices i made...this is how they repaid me... It was a complete SLAP IN THE FACE! I think they were only giving it to me to ease their conscience....

Then i met with them and told them how selfish they have been acting and how disappointed i am in them. They told me they had to pay their bills and decide what to do with the money. They told me that they only gave me "some" of the money and were going to give me more money as a surprise on my birthday ...but i didn't show up and spoiled their plans! Ha! I don't believe them! I told them they are making it up. If they REALLY wanted to give me the money it would have been done on the FIRST DAY...not almost a month later! We argued some more and one son even told me to shut up! I was so hurt i left.

A couple days later was my grandsons birthday but i did not go. I did not need to be reminded of my exhusband. He is there and now he is the big hero! My son sent me flowers and a letter to "apologize" but i returned it unopened. I told him if he wants to apologize to me he should do it in person to my face and not hide behind flowers! Instead my son decided to pout and neither of them spoke to me for 6 months. Every so often they would call me just to invite me to some other party they are having (birthday etc). I told them I WILL NO LONGER ATTEND FAMILY FUNCTIONS b/c i cannot keep up with their daddy. He is bribing them for their love with the money so they can have his company instead. I will NOT be there!

Finally at christmas, one of my sons came to me and said he was very sorry and that he wants me back in his life. I told him i accept his apology but it won't be so easy to get me back. They completely REJECTED ME AND HIS STEP-BROTHERS, so they will have to EARN our love and TRUST back very little bits at a time! At least he finally realized he needs his mom! But he still doesn't understand how much he hurt me! He tries to bribe me with gifts but i always return them.

What should i do to get them to understand how selfish they are being and how much pain they have caused me to go through? Its not about the money...its about the lack of RESPECT shown to me . Not even the decency to call and let me know ahead of time. Not even asking me for my opinion of what they should do. I made sacrifices for them...working 2 and 3 jobs. Their father forgot all about us. Now he shows up with his millions and my boys think he's the big hero!

They should not have accepted the money from their father. But they were so greedy for the money, they would take the money rather than remember what he did to us during the divorce! They chose HIM over ME who raised them! Now all my boys do is show off with their new cars, vacations etc. They only think of me when they have a party. I don't need to go there to have everything shoved in my face! Mr. High and Mighty (my ex) is always there even though he didn't give us a penny when they needed milk and clothes. My sons do not care that i have had a hard life and had to WORK to earn my own way and provide for them. They have forgotten all about me now that they don't have to worry about any finances. They have abandoned their own mother for their selfish desires!

How should I handle this situation? I am waiting to hear some good advise.

[brien]

I would sue the ex for all of the back child support he owes you and make my peace with the children, irrespective of any money.

[rcne]

I'm not sure where you live but look into the "deadbeat dad" laws. And talk to your sons.

[saltinespike]

Wow. Let me start by apologizing on behalf of all men. Those type are quite a disgrace. I am also quite surprised that you have not even thought of taking legal action in the first place though I can understand if you could not afford a lawyer. I am 15 years old. I had a somewhat abusive father as a child but my parents divorced because my dad was spending all of our money when he was the one lacking a job. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I moved halfway across the country, where my mother met my stepfather. They were married when I was 9. I have a real sister and stepsister, and like my stepdad - he's a good guy.

Anyways, remember that even though your boys may be living the high life now, their father's fortune will not last forever, and If they don't save their money (which I am assuming they are not), they will be in your position eventually. Since you did not mention it, and since, at the time, there is no necessity, I assume that all three of them are unemployed? Though your ex may be set for life, as long as your boys keep spending their money recklessly, they are not. They should be thinking ahead, towards the future.

I am sorry to say that, as long as your ex stays rich (and even more so if he puts them in his will), your boys will always look up to him. I admire you for not joining them in their fortune, for I know many who would.

As far as your current spouse goes, I would leave him also. Easier said than done, I know, but even if you became rich, it seems as if he would try to get a very good portion of it (your money). After that, I would start saving up for some more formal education OR a better paying job (you will find yourself living better than you did without someone taking your money away). I would then start saving up money for a lawyer and sue for custody of your son (the one with your current husband) right off the bat (if you still truly want him).

I wish you the best. And if you would like further advice (please do not feel stupid for getting advice from a teen), feel free to PM me or reply, for I will be checking this thread again.

Good Luck.

[Scribbler1]

First off, I would have taken the money. It IS possible they felt a bit of regret and if they see money as that important, as you implied, this may well have been a peace offering. It's pretty apparent that you giving it back and telling them it was a "slap in the face" was seen by them as a slap in THEIR faces by you. You could have been a bit more gracious.

And then there's this:

They told me that they only gave me "some" of the money and were going to give me more money as a surprise on my birthday ...but i didn't show up and spoiled their plans! Ha! I don't believe them! I told them they are making it up. If they REALLY wanted to give me the money it would have been done on the FIRST DAY...not almost a month later! We argued some more and one son even told me to shut up! I was so hurt i left.

You not only called them liars you set CONDITIONS for something they were giving you.
There are a few other issues here, but I don't want to seem like I'm beating you up. But one thing that appears pretty obvious is that we are only getting half of the story. Your animosity towards pretty much everyone in your post leads me to believe you aren't totally blameless in all this. That of course is something you would know for certain.

I don't know your situation nor do I know you, but I would advise that you bury the bitterness the next time they show up and try to at least meet them half way. If they even come around again, that is. If you want to see them, I think YOU may have to make the first move.
If I can take your post as accurate, I don't know if I would ever seek you out again. I'm not being purposely mean. I just think you need to give them a REASON to come and visit you at this point and I am only offering my take on it as a bit of constructive advice to a newcomer.

And welcome, by the way.

Truthfully, this is probably the most personal post to a group of total strangers I have ever seen, and I'm not entirely sure this isn't a put on. If it isn't I apologize and hope any advice you choose to take from this forum is helpful.

[Heather]

Welcome to Volconvo!

How should I handle this situation? I am waiting to hear some good advise.

They aren’t going to understand the many sacrifices you’ve made for them. But really, that should be ok, right? Because you did that for them out of love, not because they needed to pay you back in some way.

I don’t know all the circumstances here, but doubt that I need to. It sounds to me like your sons have been trying to reconcile here. And it sounds to me like you’re angry because your ex-husband has come into money, and shared some of that with your sons. When people are arguing, and can’t seem to find a way to reconcile it, it takes one person to be the “bigger” of the two and admit that their own feelings while perhaps right and just, may never be fully appreciated by the other. To find yourself comfortable with that realization, to know in your heart, that you know your feelings are just and reasonable and that is enough for you and to be able to come to your sons and say that whatever has happened in the past is past, let’s move on now with a clean slate, I think would be invaluable to you and to your sons.

[Mia]

Sue the ex for back child support. Tell the sons honestly and without accusation how you feel and what (reasonable) action on their part you are looking for now.

[NanaOP]

Quote by: Scribbler1 I don't know your situation nor do I know you, but I would advise that you bury the bitterness the next time they show up and try to at least meet them half way. If they even come around again, that is. If you want to see them, I think YOU may have to make the first move. Truthfully, this is probably the most personal post to a group of total strangers I have ever seen, and I'm not entirely sure this isn't a put on. If it isn't I apologize and hope any advice you choose to take from this forum is helpful.

Well this is a TRUE story! I assure you, I do not make stuff up. I left out details about how many millions my ex won so no one can go look him up. He was all over the news! I am posting this on internet so I can get good, objective advise from people who are not personally involved. Strangers will give you honest opinions!

Now many people telling me i should sue my ex for child support. Why? I don't want to have anything to do with him. Its not about the money! I already said i can't be bribed with money. Its about the lack of RESPECT shown to me from my boys. As soon as Mr. Hero showed up with his millions my sons couldn't wait to jump into his lap and take the money. First they go with him to collect his big fortune without even telling me. Then they come around all giddy and dump a little bit into my account WEEKS later as an afterthought. Then as a final insult they expect me to show up to family events where Mr. Hero is and sit in the same room with him all afternoon making chit-chat. I do not need to have him rub everything in my face. It is very hurtful and uncomfortable.

I raised my boys to put FAMILY over MONEY. FAMILY FIRST...MONEY LAST. But no! They rather have the money and forget about the mother who raised them. They forget about their half-brother (the bio one who they were very close to)...they completely abandoned him and hurt ME by hurting HIM! My sons make BIG EXCUSES AND ZERO ACTIONS....they say they have to give $25K each to their mother/father in laws ....why? what for? Did the mother-in-law raise them? Did she buy them the milk and shoes? What do i have to do with the MIL? They put me on the SAME LEVEL as the MIL? BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER...i do not care about the MIL's...they do not raise my sons - i did that by myself!

You don't know what it was like having friends asking me why i am still working when my boys have $2M...why they are not taking care of their mother first? Why she has broken down car and many debts while her sons out living the big life! $50K is SLAP IN THE FACE after everything i did for them. Even my ex-husband laughed when i told him how much the sons give to me...he say "oh, that's not very much...maybe if you be nicer they will give you more ha ha ha ".....

Its not about the money for ME! I don't care about the money which is why i returned the $50K. I cannot be bribed with my ex-husbands money. But my sons do not care about their step-brothers. They didn't give them a dime! I had to watch both of them feel so rejected as they showed off with their new cars, clothes, etc. What kind of brothers do not share with their own siblings? If i raised my boys right, they would have split the money 4 ways with their step-brothers. Instead, they let the bitterness over their step-father get in the way of doing the right thing! That's why they said they are so happy their dad won the money then their step-father (aka. me and my other sons!) Its not my other sons fault the father/(their step-dad) is a jerk. They are punishing their brothers and being greedy selfish snobs! Now my 3rd son is so hurt, he wants nothing to do with them...he told me "don't worry mom. when i move out and get a job i won't abandon you".

But I will not beg my sons for money. They see everything broken and needing repairs but do nothing! This is what they think of me then they can keep their millions. They got this $1M from their father who didn't give too-hoots about them growing up...Mr Big Hero....now they invite him all the time to everything...they did that before the lotto but he rarely showed up...now Mr Big Hero has lots of time to show off and be Mr. Macho at these parties...and they want me to come....well i won't be humiliated again. I don't need to have it rubbed in my face.

My kids, instead of being SYMPATHETIC to how i feel about my ex, get insulted that i don't go to their stupid parties and refuse to bring grandkids to me to my house where i can see them. I did not see them at Christmas. Every year before lotto all the boys were always at my house....but not anymore. Now they are such big shots they can do their own Christmas...i made my own plans with my other sons from 2nd marriage. They do not even tell me my DIL is pregnant until it is time for another party/baby shower. 7 months they keep it a big secret from me...so i do not go...they do not even tell me anything until the baby is born and then another 6 wks before they even bring to me the baby to see. Selfish stubborn sons is what i have...they have their father's bad selfish genes.

My sons wanted everyone to go for some counselling but i don't need it. What for? I've done nothing wrong! I told him to go for counselling and come back when he learns some social skills and knows how to speak to his mother. I AM THE MOTHER! Why should i go begging to my own sons? They should come and apologize to me. I gave birth to them. I am older than them. I deserve more respect. They are not at my level. We are not buddy-buddy. I am the mother and they are the children. Children need to honor the mother. I personally think they are jealous of my 3rd son b/c i can stay home with him and raise him and spend time with him. My first two kids i had to work 2-3 jobs so they were home alone with keys. They resent all of the time and attention i gave my 3rd boy. So they are punishing him and hurting me. I am doing my best to raise my 3rd son right.

[Sappho]

You need to take your sons' advise and go to counselling. YOU DO NEED IT! You are way way too angry, bitter and hurt. Your pain and anger are rambling all over this thread. You are not presenting yourself or your family reasonably or fairly I suspect. You need perspective, hense you coming on here to discuss this. But we are not professional counsellors.

[Marilyn Monroe]

Well, first off they won't be getting a million. Taxes will eat up 40% of what they got.

I think that they could have given you more, and told you about the winnings, but they didn't for whatever reason.

They gave you $50,000 which was a nice bit of change. You should have graciously accepted it, and counted your blessings that they gave you anything.

They are correct that they will have to plan what to do with the money. If they have kids, they probably want to provide for them in the future.

I think you should be happy for them, but also sue the Dad for the child support, and all the money he fleeced out of you. Get an attorney right away. No waiting.

Honestly, I don't know what my kids would give me if they had such a windfall, but I'd just ask for a lot of loans cause I'm broke sort of thing.:)

Make amends, put on a happy face, and tell the boys you're sorry for your attitude, but you just couldn't think straight. Then ask for a loan. I'm serious.

I believe you should take what you can get, and get over it. Your ex was lucky. That's life. It's not always fair.

Get that attorney, right away!:)

[Scribbler1]

Quote by: NanaOP Well this is a TRUE story! I assure you, I do not make stuff up. I left out details about how many millions my ex won so no one can go look him up. He was all over the news! I am posting this on internet so I can get good, objective advise from people who are not personally involved. Strangers will give you honest opinions!

I gave you my honest opinion and I hope you take it in the spirit in which it was given. I was just surprised at your first post here, as it was of such a personal nature.
I'd still like to hear from both sides on this. But, since that is probably impossible I'll have to base my comments on your side of the story.

Now many people telling me i should sue my ex for child support. Why? I don't want to have anything to do with him. Its not about the money! I already said i can't be bribed with money.

Child support owed is just that, money OWED. To get what you should have gotten all along is NOT a "bribe". And I think that's about all you WOULD get. After a divorce, any money that comes to an ex, that isn't part of the original divorce agreement is generally not due to you. But child support is different.

Its about the lack of RESPECT shown to me from my boys. As soon as Mr. Hero showed up with his millions my sons couldn't wait to jump into his lap and take the money. First they go with him to collect his big fortune without even telling me.

Which raises the question of how they GOT to covet money over family? Who taught them that?

Then they come around all giddy and dump a little bit into my account WEEKS later as an afterthought. Then as a final insult they expect me to show up to family events where Mr. Hero is and sit in the same room with him all afternoon making chit-chat. I do not need to have him rub everything in my face. It is very hurtful and uncomfortable.

Some people are uncomfortable with these things after a divorce, but it isn't a universal thing. My Cousin just celebrated her 60th birthday and she has 2 ex husbands. The first ex showed up because they still get along after 35 years apart. The second wasn't such a nice guy and he wasn't invited. It's your call whether you go anywhere you aren't comfortable. Nobody should fault you for that. But you should see your children separately, and explain to THEM why you won't go to "family functions."

I raised my boys to put FAMILY over MONEY. FAMILY FIRST...MONEY LAST. But no! They rather have the money and forget about the mother who raised them. They forget about their half-brother (the bio one who they were very close to)...they completely abandoned him and hurt ME by hurting HIM! My sons make BIG EXCUSES AND ZERO ACTIONS....they say they have to give $25K each to their mother/father in laws ....why? what for? Did the mother-in-law raise them? Did she buy them the milk and shoes? What do i have to do with the MIL? They put me on the SAME LEVEL as the MIL? BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER...i do not care about the MIL's...they do not raise my sons - i did that by myself!

In that case, at what point do you think someone else overruled your teaching?
And again, in my opinion you have a LOT of anger and bitterness in you. I would think this might be why your children distance themselves from you. You sound like you might make it just plain uncomfortable for them.

You don't know what it was like having friends asking me why i am still working when my boys have $2M...why they are not taking care of their mother first? Why she has broken down car and many debts while her sons out living the big life! $50K is SLAP IN THE FACE after everything i did for them. Even my ex-husband laughed when i told him how much the sons give to me...he say "oh, that's not very much...maybe if you be nicer they will give you more ha ha ha ".....

Now you put us in a position to judge whether you are nicer than your ex. We can't do that and a web forum is definitely not the place to even try.

But I will not beg my sons for money. They see everything broken and needing repairs but do nothing!

But you said you DIDN'T beg for anything! They DID give you a tidy sum of money of their own free will and you threw it back at them, apparently because you think it wasn't enough. You may not see it as being greedy, but I'll bet THEY do.

I can't add to anything I've said so I'll just wish you the best of luck in the future and advise you to lose the anger and bitterness and try to meet them half way. You shouldn't need a stranger to tell you that.

[Marilyn Monroe]

=Scribbler1;366274

I can't add to anything I've said so I'll just wish you the best of luck in the future and advise you to lose the anger and bitterness and try to meet them half way. You shouldn't need a stranger to tell you that.

I agree with Scribbler.

You can't make kids do what you want them to do. They usually end up doing what they want. Hopefully some of what you taught them will have sunken in, but don't count on it.

Kill the ex with kindness. If you see him ask for the back child support cause you have a broken down car. Nothing wrong with that.

The kids gave you $25,000 a piece, but this doesn't mean that's all they intend to give you. The In-laws may end up getting less, but take the high road on this is my advice. Try not to think about it, and possibly go for counseling to see if someone can offer you advice on how to let go of the anger.

I think most of us would be angry to some degree about this situation if it happened to us, but don't be foolish about it. Calm down, and try not to be a martyr. My mother always put the guilt on me, and I must say it's hard to deal with.

Also, don't share this info with too many people. Keep it to yourself.:)

I, for one, would like to hear the views of the many spouses and children about this before making any judgments or offering any advice.

The original post was very bitter, angry, and one-sided. Perhaps the sons, notwithstanding the poster's claims, acted in a way that was entirely consistent with their upbringing and the attitudes of their mother as suggested by the tone of the original post.

In a dispute such as this, no conclusion can be drawn from considering only one of the participants' views.

Regards
S.

[The Dunedan]

My sons wanted everyone to go for some counselling but i don't need it. What for? I've done nothing wrong!

And there's your problem, right there. As someone who grew up in a broken, abusive, violent, and later highly dysfunctional family, and knows several other people from the same, I can tell you this: nobody is blameless. Now, maybe in your current situation you have reason to be upset. But your histronic style of writing suggests that you have not simply gotten upset over a single wrong, or series of connected wrongs, done. If your speech patterns mirror your writing, you "sound" like an extremely angry, bitter person with a bad temper and a real impulse-control problem. This kind of behavior, combined with your apparant throwing back of the money, easily comes across as passive-aggressive, domineering, controlling, and arrogant. This is especially true in light of your "I am the Mother, they are The Children, they will obey" statements. I may have missed your son's ages, but it sounds as if they are young men. Trust me, there is -nothing-, nothing in this world, that will alienate a young, grown man faster than this kind of domineering behavior, especially (no offense intended) from their mothers. With an attitude like yours, it's entirely possible that your sons are trying to gain some distance in order to have some freedom.

Your sons were right; you -do- need counseling.
You were also right; so do they.

Get it, all of you.

[Murphy87]

I believe you should just let them realize what they are doing. I mean there are young and don't understand the value of what you did for them. The time will come when there money will not be right. The boys will come back to you and ask you to forgive them.

[NanaOP]

Quote by: The Dunedan And there's your problem, right there. As someone who grew up in a broken, abusive, violent, and later highly dysfunctional family, and knows several other people from the same, I can tell you this: nobody is blameless.

I have done many hours of thinking about this and i know i was not a perfect mother. But i did the best that i could at the time. I should NOT have spoilt them rotten like i did. I worked 2 and 3 jobs so they could have roof over their head, fancy designer shoes just like their friends, fancy clothes so they would not feel left out. I have had a very hard life and worked many many long hours so my sons could have the best of everything! I put them FIRST and me LAST my whole life....finally when they were grown i decided it was time for me! I have gone on a weightloss program and lost 50 lbs this year. I do not put up with rude people anymore and that includes my children. I am sorry i wasted so much of my life trying to make peace between my sons and their step-father. They were the reason my 2nd marriage was so difficult!

I thought I would be rewarded when they grew up and would love and respect me. I just come from the OLD SCHOOL where children take care of the parents in their old age...not the selfish, me, me, ME brats of this generation. Instead of appreciating all of my years of sacrifice, this is how my sons (both in early 30's) repay me - by abandoning me and forgetting everything i have done for them.

[Osborn F Enready]

Nana, I truly feel for you, and think I understand your feelings.

The only thing I can say though is that you did what you thought was best when you did it, at least I assume, correct?

Your children reacted in the way they have been raised to react, with some of their own input in that action also. If you truly don't care about the money, which you have a valid argument to care about since you have VALID argument for that back support, you should use this opprotunity to talk to your kids about WHY your dissappointed, and ask them why they didn't react the way you may have expected them to.

When you ask yourself that same question, can you from the top of your head recall past examples where your actions would have been a prime example for the quality you expected your children to possess, and reflect in their decisions?

Did you often preach "do as I say, not as I do" to them?

Did you raise them by example, or by words?

I assume your kids were public schooled?

Do you see the connection between public schooling and the reactions of your kids to this situation, more than a reflection of your own raising?





Very few people who have kids are ready both mentally, and financially to do so. Is it right or wrong? Regardless, it happens everyday in greater number simply due to the growing population. It is a reality of our world, that I alledge is due to the fact there there is an ability to do so, that is cultured within the state and federal system.

Once you decided to keep the kids, and carry on in your fashion, you lived live to the best of your abilities, and obviously tried to raise them the best you could, given the constraints on your income and "home-time" constraints.
Does that mean that even with all that effort and sacrifice the product that results in the childrens opinions, attitudes and ideals are the same as if you had been able to do things differently? No.

I commend you for your dedication to do the best you knew how for your kids, once you had them.

I am sad because people take child bearing so lightly, as to assume one parent and low wage jobs and public schooling are an acceptable means of raising a child.

The only advice I can offer is to explain your position, your ideals, your intentions, and the LISTEN to the answers given by your kids on why they reacted the way they did, and accept them for what they are.

[PatrickHenry]

Lots of wisdom in this thread. I agree with Scribbler and with Osborn.

If you have any kind of friendship with God, you must understand that HE is the source for those who have faith. Human beings always let us down. We love them anyway.

One thing I learned in the taxicab business...always take the money.

It was a mistake to return it and dump a guilt trip on your sons.

Your wealthy ex sounds like a man lacking in character. I hope he has reconsidered his ways and grown in the years you two have been apart. If not, your sons will eventually see his character flaws and turn away in disappointment. Money can be a curse to those without strong values.

Nana, your own bitterness is poisoning you.

The Bible says "Love doesn't keep a record of the wrongs that others do."

You need to forgive everyone in this tragedy and remember why you sacrificed for your sons. ..because you love them. A guilt trip towards others, demanding respect, is really just manipulation. It is fruitless.

[saltinespike]

Quote by: Mia Sue the ex for back child support. Tell the sons honestly and without accusation how you feel and what (reasonable) action on their part you are looking for now.

There are many things wrong with this. First, she said that it is not about the money. Second, even if it was, I'm sure those laws would not apply now for it seems that both sons are over 18 and their father gave them a million dollars a piece.

NanaOP, you seem like you are being quite stubborn. As mentioned, you are not in a position to set the standards. I respect no one who DEMANDS respect from me. You seem that you are being quite aggressive in your hunt for love. How would you feel if your mother, good or bad, grabbed you and said "I demand your love and respect." Natural rebellion kicks in and says "no". Put yourself in their shoes. They have truly tried to keep a good relationship with you, but you keep batting them away. That's how they see it. Think of how they feel and not only how you feel.

[Kamehameha34]

You're never going to reconnect with your children, or let them respect you if you continue to write off each of their attempts to communicate with you as a "guilty afterthought".

You're the one cutting them out of your life. I know that if flowers I sent to my mother were returned unopened, I'd be discouraged to try again.