Question for guys.

[pandaz xx]

K. so I'm a female in high school.
my ex boyfriend is a senior & he is going off to college.
I'm super excited for him.

:]

But he broke up with me because he didn't want me worrying about him cheating on me. & he is scared we will fall apart because if he cheats on me.
My question is...

if you really care about the girl..
wouldn't you control yourself?

:: ponders ::

I'm confused.
I may be completely wrong.
He said this was for my best interests.
but I don't believe so at all.
=/


But. feedback?

thanks ;]

[Joe Doakes]

Ahh,the old "it's in your best interest ploy".Say goodbye and find yourself a real guy.

[iahag]

Acually, I really think it is for the best. Im first year undergrad and a lot of my friends have eventually broken up with theyre partners from theyre hometown - a slow discourse. I told them all If you really think you had a unique relationship with your partner, would you be considering it all? You gotta face reality sometimes, and the reality is, for most people, if you cant maintain a relationship at a distance, then education is the priority. Its probably best for you this way. I know many people who have had far worse, drawn out, break ups with theyre partners. You never know, you might hook up later in life after some more experience *cough cough*.

[pandaz xx]

yeah true.

like yes, i'm sad.
but I actually think that this could possibly be for my own good.
& he doesn't think he'll find anyone as amazing as me.
Which I beg to differ, but it's what he says. so. & he said by the end of my junior year, if I haven't found anyone.. he wants to be with me again.

which I'm not going to stop myself from dating.
I have no point to stop dating, because I don't know if he'll find someone.
But if it happens, then it happens,
if not.
oh well.

life goes on.
it's not that I'm completely depressed.
but i want the best for me & him rather it be us in a relationship or us as friends

[Boetie]

Your boyfriend is full of shit. Your boyfriends effort to "explain" adds insult. He wants to manipulate you to the injury of leaving you.

Call the fucker up and in a very strong voice say something like this, "Go suck your own dick loser" and then slam the phone down on him and get yourself a life.

[Praxius]

It's a difficult transition from High School to College/Life on your Own.

It is very difficult for two people in this situation to last in a relationship. I just broke up with my girlfriend about two weeks ago now, due to a similar situation.

Usually when people go off to college, they are tempted in their new freedoms and new life. He is wanting to go off and do his thing and he wants you to do the same.

The problem with long distance relationships is that not being there with the person you are dating, you don't know exactly what is all going on..... even if something isn't going on, you can't know for sure. Eventually jellousy and paranoia kick in on both parties and eventually the relationship generally ends in a bad state.

My girlfriend was wanting to go back to her hometown, because she didn't have much going for her in the city, and all her family and friends were there etc. She wanted to move there but still be together. I knew this wasn't going to work (among other things) and I broke it off. We are still friends, but I know that if we tried the long distance thing, we'd end up hating one another and trust would be lost.

Your boyfriend might be in the same boat of thinking, but didn't word himself properly. He probably sees this happening with a long distance relationship and tried to end it in the best manner without trying to hurt your feelings.

He might not be ruling out getting together with you later down the road.... but right now, both of you need to do your own thing and find out who you truly are and if this is truly what you both want.

When you go off to college, there are a lot of stereo types and concepts that college students tend to go through.... partying, flings, etc.... why stay in a relationship with that is all going on around one person, while the other is doing something else? Problems will usually ensue and paranoia kicks in.

Usually most... I mean most... not all.... high school relationships never last.

He probably had good intentions on the breakup now, but his true motives were probably not expressed to you because he cared enough not to hurt your feelings.

Going off to college and living on your own is a totally different life then that in high school..... it's not that he thinks your childish now compared to him, since your in school still.... but the two lifestyles usually don't mix well.

In re reading your post, he said he is worried that you would be worried if he cheated on you and didn't want the friendship to fall apart if he did cheat on you. ~ That sounds to me like he's already planning on sleeping with other girls when he gets there, so why not break up now, so it won't be considdered as cheating?

If he really did care and love you the way you expect, then yeah, you wouldn't have to worry about him cheating on you. This would be a clear sign that he doesn't feel 100% devoted to you.

This doesn't mean he's a prick. Both you and him just got out of high school or near completion of high school. There is so so much more out there in the world then what you know about in HS. It's not that he's gonna be a cheating slut bag and all that (Well maybe he will be) but both of you need to find out who you are and where you want to be in your lives without the influence of the other person. You may think you know yourself and where you want to be right now.... but give yourself another 5 years on your own and when you look back at these times now, you'll realize you did a lot more growing up in that time and you're not the same person as you once were...... I know I'm not.

Hope some of this helps.... might not be the advice you were looking for, but I try to be as straight forward as I can.

[phoenix_fire]

Quote by: pandaz xx K. so I'm a female in high school. my ex boyfriend is a senior & he is going off to college. I'm super excited for him. :] But he broke up with me because he didn't want me worrying about him cheating on me. & he is scared we will fall apart because if he cheats on me. My question is... if you really care about the girl.. wouldn't you control yourself? :: ponders :: I'm confused. I may be completely wrong. He said this was for my best interests. but I don't believe so at all. =/ But. feedback? thanks ;]

Growl. I don't hold out a lot of hope for long distance relationships, but I still think he's jerk.

Last time some jerk guy told me that something was "in my best interest" and "better for me in the long run", I felt at that point that what was in both of our best interests was for me to have him test out my right hook...straight to the jaw. Not that I did it. But maybe you'll have the guts to do what I couldn't.

*incoherent grumbling*

[Fonceai]

@Boetie

Here's a nice, harsh reality check.

Did you honestly think you were gonna marry this guy?

Granted, I'm not one to talk, because my wife and I met when we were in high school and starting dating her first year of college.

What he did was basically say that if he's not around you, then masturbation isn't good enough. He wants to have sex, he knows he's going to have the chance, and he doesn't want to deal with feeling like a cheating liar.

He was, believe it or not, bluntly honest with you.

Respect that and let him go.

[Praxius]

Quote by: Fonceai What he did was basically say that if he's not around you, then masturbation isn't good enough. He wants to have sex, he knows he's going to have the chance, and he doesn't want to deal with feeling like a cheating liar. He was, believe it or not, bluntly honest with you. Respect that and let him go.

Bascially.....

But also he added in the point that down the road there might be the possibility of getting back together.... which to me means "If I'm an unpopular idiot and I get all kinds of restraining orders against me, I'll fall back on you."

AKA: Holla-Back-Girl....... You ain't no Holla-Back-Girl now are ya?



I hope not

[Fonceai]

Crap, yeah, missed that part.

That's his way of saying that when he's home on breaks he wants to have sex with you... especially over the summer.

Again... accept that he's so stupid he's being honest and let him go.

And FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR OWN SELF RESPECT DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!!!

NO FRIEND'S WITH BENEFITS SEX!!

NO BREAK SEX!!

[Milton Bradley]

Here this, and here it well...


I actually think Fonceai got it right.


I said it.


No cutting, and pasting into other threads.

[Scribbler1]

Quote by: pandaz xx But he broke up with me because he didn't want me worrying about him cheating on me. & he is scared we will fall apart because if he cheats on me.

What he just said to you is that he WILL "cheat" on you.


While there is a possibility he is letting you down easily, I doubt it.

There are a lot of things you can do while single or unattached. Don't blow it.

[Apeman81]

Quote by: pandaz xx K. so I'm a female in high school. my ex boyfriend is a senior & he is going off to college. I'm super excited for him. :] But he broke up with me because he didn't want me worrying about him cheating on me. & he is scared we will fall apart because if he cheats on me. My question is... if you really care about the girl.. wouldn't you control yourself? :: ponders :: I'm confused. I may be completely wrong. He said this was for my best interests. but I don't believe so at all. =/ But. feedback? thanks ;]

You are far too young to be putting all your eggs in one basket

Sigh... Another old fart responds

But really, it is all too often the fact that one of your age knows too little about either yourself or life itself to decide who is the "one for you".

He's moving on. You should too.

Don't give your heart, or anything else for that matter, to some boy. Wait until you have a better idea who you are, and what you want for yourself.

Then make him marry you before giving yourself to him

[notworthabean]

Quote by: pandaz xx K. so I'm a female in high school. my ex boyfriend is a senior & he is going off to college. I'm super excited for him. :] But he broke up with me because he didn't want me worrying about him cheating on me. & he is scared we will fall apart because if he cheats on me. My question is... if you really care about the girl.. wouldn't you control yourself? :: ponders :: I'm confused. I may be completely wrong. He said this was for my best interests. but I don't believe so at all. =/ But. feedback? thanks ;]

ehhh generally college-hs ld relaitnshsip don't last. one of myr oommates did last, the other didn't. if your bf feels that way it wouldnt' have lasted-just find another guy-you still young. ur bf is young and donest knwo waht hes doing either-so go easy on the whole bad expalinton-the point is he doesnth ink it coudl last through college, just be gla dhe had the courtesy to do it this way rather then the way one girl i knows bf did it. (he dumped her on facebook-then put "in a realitnship with" and the girl he had been hooking up with for the past two weeks).

[Chris]

Quote by: Scribbler1 What he just said to you is that he WILL "cheat" on you. While there is a possibility he is letting you down easily, I doubt it. There are a lot of things you can do while single or unattached. Don't blow it.

ditto ditto ditto to that.

I think this guy just wants to have the opportunity to indulge in the college girls that will be in abundance. And as others have said, dont put all your eggs in one basket -ESPECIALLY as you are young.

There are otha fish.

[CoffeeSaint]

Quote by: pandaz xx K. so I'm a female in high school. my ex boyfriend is a senior & he is going off to college. I'm super excited for him. :] But he broke up with me because he didn't want me worrying about him cheating on me. & he is scared we will fall apart because if he cheats on me.

Utter rot and nonsense. He wants to have sex with college girls, and he tried to put that in such a way that you wouldn't hate him because nobody likes to be hated. I won't say it's because he doesn't care about you, because he might; you will have to look back on your own relationship and decide that for yourself. If he does care about you, he said this because he's young and stupid and doesn't know how to say what he really feels.

Quote by: pandaz xx My question is... if you really care about the girl.. wouldn't you control yourself? :: ponders ::

Yes. I did. I tried to maintain a relationship with my high school sweetheart after we went to college 3,000 miles apart, and I stayed faithful to her. She didn't. It lasted all of 8 months before she confessed and I broke up with her -- on Valentine's Day, now that I think about it.

Quote by: pandaz xx I'm confused. I may be completely wrong. He said this was for my best interests. but I don't believe so at all. =/ But. feedback? thanks ;]

You're right, it isn't intended for your best interest, but for his. On the other hand, the fact that he isn't lying to himself or you about what he really wants, and trying to maintain a relationship with you while picking up coeds, shows that he is a better person than many -- better than my ex, for one.

He's moving on, and so should you. This breakup line was either intended to make it easier for you to deal with, because he really didn't want to hurt the feelings of someone he cares for, or it was meant to deceive you so he could still get something out of you. You'll have to decide if he's trying to use you or not.

Think about the things he did that might have annoyed you, and look around for someone who does the opposite (For instance, if he was too involved in sports, look for a cute nerd; if he was too bookish, look for a cute jock. If he was too cute, look for someone ugly:) ). See what else you can find to like and dislike about boys.

Good luck.

pandaz xx, not only am I a guy, I'm a father of a daughter and a grandfather of a grand-daughter. The fact is the guy's just not into you, and he lacked the courage and honesty to be upfront with you. Not atypical for young people. All you can do is move on, no doubt, after you've beaten yourself up over it.

Here's the good news. He won't be the last guy in your life.

Regards
S.

[Clarence]

don't be too hard on him. You don't want to burn any of your own bridges down the line if that's possible in relationships. Don't grovel and don't pull any I can't live without you nonsense. That's a heavy load for a young man. that just inspires contempt. But he might have made promises... In which case just point them out to him and move on. keep in touch if not painful.

[pandaz xx]

Yes. thanks all.

^_^

We're friends.
& i understand his doings.
i'm over it

[rez]

Who the hell wants to be constantly tied down on the phone trying to keep a relationship alive? That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to have a long distance relationship, but talking on the phone is rather pointless. I see my friends do it all the time at school while everybody is hanging out and its just rude.