What motivates you to buy a woman drinks?

[Autolykos]

Which will be easier in the long run? Taking the drink, or saying "No, thanks" to begin with?

- Rob

[Zhavric]

Quote by: Mia I don't think that it is. I was asking how to politely NOT lead him on.

Autolykos got it right. If you're buying drinks in a bar you're old enough to be out of high school and the pretenses that we shackle ourselves with at that age. Your class mates aren't going to convene at your alma matre to discuss if you're a "prude" or a "slut".

If you're not interested then be honest with him.

At the same time, the guy isn't completely blameless. If you can't tell by the time you've bought your second drink for her that she's not interested, that's his fault.

You see, dating & flirting with women is a skill. Some men naturally "get it", while others have to learn it. The basic idea is to politely & playfully compliment, casually touch and keep trying.

Politely & playfully compliment means that guys should be making it clear that they want to do more than converse with you. They should be telling you how they feel about you. It's true for men looking for a one night stand or a future wife. Compliment her. Tell her she looks pretty, but be creative about it. Be a good listener, but don't be her chat buddy. One of my favorite flirting tactics is to pick a specific piece of jewelry or article of clothing and ask "What's the story behind that?" After I listen, I'll find SOMETHING nice to say directly about her like, "Well, you certainly look very pretty wearing it." If it comes out cheesy, say so and have a good laugh about it.

Casual touching is also important. No. I don't mean for guys to grab breasts or rear ends. I don't mean to grope. I mean to casually touch. A hand on a shoulder while laughing is a good way to start. In the above example, asking to see a ring and taking her hand to examine it would work. If you're not sure where to start, try eye contact & smiling.

I've talked about these tactics for the benefit of the guys, but also for you, Mia. If you think a guy is doing this he probably wants more than a conversation. How much more? Depends on the guy.

The last tip is more for the guys. A big difference between single guys and guys with girlfriends & wives is that the guys with women kept trying. A lot of guys focus time & attention on one woman, don't get her, get depressed and give up for a while. Don't do that. Keep your mind & eyes open. NO: This doesn't mean to cheat on women you're already with. It means to expect that unless you're gorgeous & rich you're going to strike out. A lot. Think of it this way: Let's say you have a 10% success rate at dating women. One in ten women you talk to will date you. Nine will not.

If you try to talk to one woman a month, you're going to spend most of the YEAR lonely. If you talk to ten women a week, then you're going to be a lot less lonely.

[RickSp]

Quote by: Keith Hamburger Must be. Usually, when I go out with my wife, if I don't end up having to buy dinner and one or two drinks, it's for an evening dancing or "on the town". That adds up to a hell of a lot more than "one drink".

The reference to being "easy" was more about rarely having more than one drink before going home. I didn't mention that the "one drink" was preceded by a Broadway play. The two tickets did cost a bit more than the liquor as I recall.

[Mia]

Quote by: Zhavric At the same time, the guy isn't completely blameless. If you can't tell by the time you've bought your second drink for her that she's not interested, that's his fault.

As a guy is doing all these things you're talking about here, he should be taking note if she is reciprocating.

Is she touching you back? Is she letting her gaze linger? Has she turned to face you, etc.?

[Zhavric]

Quote by: Mia As a guy is doing all these things you're talking about here, he should be taking note if she is reciprocating. Is she touching you back? Is she letting her gaze linger? Has she turned to face you, etc.?

I agree, he should be taking notes. At the same time, there are women out there who don't understand what's going on and will show every sign of warming to a fella only to be blown away when he's later on denied in some way.

I once got to what I thought was the second date with a young lady before she casually mentioned her boyfriend in conversation.

[Autolykos]

Quote by: Zhavric I once got to what I thought was the second date with a young lady before she casually mentioned her boyfriend in conversation.

Then again, if she ain't married, she's fair game.

- Rob

[Zhavric]

I'm 29 years old. I've slept with 31 women. I know about "fair game".

[Compugasm]

Hmm, considering your "10 women a week" ratio, those results aren't much to brag about.

[Zhavric]

Quote by: Compugasm Hmm, considering your "10 women a week" ratio, those results aren't much to brag about.

Heh. Before I actually took the time to figure out what was going wrong with my dating life, I spent a lot of time on first dates, but mostly single. Every now and then, I'd get lucky. So, when I say I've been with 31 women and talk a lot about what guys SHOULD do versus what they actually do, understand that I'm speaking from personal experience.

[worley08]

When i buy a woman a drink i am hoping to get in her pants.

[pikatore]

usually, when i feel particularly drunk/horny, ill buy a woman a drink. its a silent way of saying, 'you look hot, accept my offer to buy you a drink, because i will be very sexually frustrated if i dont get a piece of you.'

that is what it boils down to in the end. SEX SEX SEX.. lots of it.

[G. Adams]

Quote by: pikatore usually, when i feel particularly drunk/horny, ill buy a woman a drink. its a silent way of saying, 'you look hot, accept my offer to buy you a drink, because i will be very sexually frustrated if i dont get a piece of you.' that is what it boils down to in the end. SEX SEX SEX.. lots of it.

Or in other words..."I'm desperate!" Don't buy women the drinks until your already getting on, there's less chance of her walking straight off with them, or turning out to be a waste of time. Or even better, you get her to buy the drinks.

[pikatore]

Quote by: G. Adams Or in other words..."I'm desperate!" Don't buy women the drinks until your already getting on, there's less chance of her walking straight off with them, or turning out to be a waste of time. Or even better, you get her to buy the drinks.

all roads lead to rome... well... you know what i mean.

[CX Champ]

Well I am in High School, but at some parties I give girls drinks just as a conversation starter/ice breaker. Because unless that girl is extremely stuck up, then your nearly garunteed her attention for as long as that drink lasts her, which could lead to another drink, more talking, or other good things...

[G. Adams]

Quote by: CX Champ Well I am in High School, but at some parties I give girls drinks just as a conversation starter/ice breaker. Because unless that girl is extremely stuck up, then your nearly garunteed her attention for as long as that drink lasts her, which could lead to another drink, more talking, or other good things...

If you need an easy icebreaker tell her that if you wern't gay she would sooo be yours in a few hours, that's worked for me. Or "seriously, I have a tiny dick" worked once pretty well, she was intent on finding out if I was lying or not all night till I proved I was a liar. And by that point everything was good :)

[CX Champ]

Hahaha, yeah I'll try that and then count how many times I get slapped, then made fun of at school the following day. By the way, did you ever attend a party in high school?

[Morgan_Freeman]

Quote by: Mia Last evening, a man I would probably not go out with but who was pleasant to talk to bought me two drinks. Never asked me out, never hit on me... So I'm wondering 'what did he get out of that?' Is it some old-fashioned courtesy? Was it just my company and conversation that he secured? (I think most women realize that by accepting the drink, they are tacitly agreeing to giver her attention to the man for a reasonable period). Since this site is mainly men, I thought you guys could offer me some insight.:)

I've had straight guys buy me drinks at bars. Usually it's because they're lonely and want someone to talk to, or they just want to spread the goodwill.

[pikatore]

You can always just walk up to her and ask her if you want to make out. Low success rate, but little effort. Trouble is, you might pull a real slag. It only works when she is absolutely sloshed. And also, since Im in uni, its easier, since we all know we are students, so its quite easy to frolick when you need to.

[G. Adams]

Quote by: CX Champ Hahaha, yeah I'll try that and then count how many times I get slapped, then made fun of at school the following day. By the way, did you ever attend a party in high school?

I'm English, so I did secondary (11-16) and sixth form (17-18) and I have been drinking & partying in nightclubs since I was 16. I've been slapped (always funny) and have crap come back to me next day (and all month) for stupid things I've done on nights out but I had to make mistakes if I was gonna refine my game. If your not prepared to fail, you'll never succeed.

Dude, it's not like the lasses believe you when you say this crap. If it was truthful they know you wouldn't be saying it. It's amusing (if you tell it right) and it's probably a new line for them, so you come off as confident, cocky and original. You stand out from all the other idiots trying to catch their eye, which is half the work anyway.

But I suppose if this is what you already think will happen, you won't have the confidence to pull it off right, so it might actually sound like your coming out of the closet to them or admitting to being hung like a snowdrop. Or maybe it's just the different types of girls in our areas or that we go for, mine always respond well to cheek and self deprecation.

[G. Adams]

Quote by: pikatore You can always just walk up to her and ask her if you want to make out. Low success rate, but little effort. Trouble is, you might pull a real slag. It only works when she is absolutely sloshed. And also, since Im in uni, its easier, since we all know we are students, so its quite easy to frolick when you need to.

Ahh, shotgunning, those were the good ole days :) I'd suggest just dancing with every lass there rather than asking them to make out, less chance of a bad rep and more chance of getting someone decent.