Volconvo is a debate forum for the discussion of political, religious, and news-based topics.

brien · Jan 15, 2007, 02:20 pm

I would have a big problem if when I bought someone a drink at the bar and they ended up coming home with me. My wife of 28 years would either open the guest room door or the back door.

If I buy someone a drink, male or female, it is because I like them, and offer it as a courtesy rather than anything else.

Osborn F Enready · Jan 19, 2007, 03:07 am

I buy a woman a drink if I want her to "loan" me some of her time.

A gentleman respects a ladies time, and attempts to bid for it with a gesture of significance in trade for it.

I wouldn't buy a lady a drink at a car dealership, if thats where I saw her.(or a car either for that matter

)

In a bar, club or establishment that serves drinks, I would indeed if I sought her time, in hopes of a possibility to win her affection and intrests.

Mia · Jan 19, 2007, 03:47 am

Perfect answer, Os!

The_Genius · Jan 20, 2007, 07:10 am

Quote:

Quote by: Mia

I'm talking about one you meet in a bar. Are you hoping it will end up in her going home with you? Are you calculating that it will buy her attention for 'x' amount of time?

Most of my life I have said 'no' to men offering to buy me drinks. I don't want to lead them on or take advantage of them, since I know they are not going to get what I believe their goal is.

But lately I've been visiting a neighborhood kind of place with a lot of regulars and I have accepted drink offers.

Last evening, a man I would probably not go out with but who was pleasant to talk to bought me two drinks. Never asked me out, never hit on me...

So I'm wondering 'what did he get out of that?' Is it some old-fashioned courtesy? Was it just my company and conversation that he secured? (I think most women realize that by accepting the drink, they are tacitly agreeing to giver her attention to the man for a reasonable period).

Since this site is mainly men, I thought you guys could offer me some insight.:)

ummm.... I think you have been stereotyping all men. I mean, yes, may be a good number of men offer women drinks because he wishes to go home with her afterwards. But those are... chumps.

How much does a drink really cost? Not much...

I would buy her because I'm polite.

Mia · Jan 20, 2007, 08:09 am

See yours and some other's answers is what I was looking for. It seems I have come across men who are doing it out of courtesy.

Like opening a door or helping with a coat...that's what I was trying to get at. Why is it a courtesy to buy a woman's drink?

What is the frame of mind that leads to that? Old fashioned chivalry?

RickSp · Jan 20, 2007, 08:59 am

I bought a drink for a cute gal in a bar last Saturday night. She went home with me. Of course, as she was/is my wife that was not a huge surprise.

Can't rememeber when I bought a single woman a drink, but then my memory isn't what it used to be.

Osborn F Enready · Jan 20, 2007, 03:06 pm

Quote:

Mia said:
Like opening a door or helping with a coat...that's what I was trying to get at. Why is it a courtesy to buy a woman's drink?

What is the frame of mind that leads to that? Old fashioned chivalry?

Respect, for the person, their time, and their feelings and perception toward, and of you.

I think chivalry garners too much "explanation" for this concept, which is based on basic respect.

The_Genius · Jan 20, 2007, 04:57 pm

Quote:

Quote by: Mia

See yours and some other's answers is what I was looking for. It seems I have come across men who are doing it out of courtesy.

Like opening a door or helping with a coat...that's what I was trying to get at. Why is it a courtesy to buy a woman's drink?

What is the frame of mind that leads to that? Old fashioned chivalry?

Good question...

yeah chivalry..
To make a good impression may be?

Mia · Jan 21, 2007, 09:57 pm

OK, well the gentlemanly guy from last week was completely different this week.

He had ALL my orders put on his tab (which I didn't know until I didn't get one), he had the bartender bring us three shots in a row, and then he tried to kiss me when we left.

He's a nice man and I enjoy talking to him but that's it. I don't really know what to say/do next time.

I guess just tell him straight up, 'hey I don't want to give you the wrong impression here....'

I could make a joke out of it - sit away from him and say 'he's a bad influence!'

I wish I had said something last night, but I felt weird with other people leaving at the same time and they could hear.....

Zhavric · Jan 21, 2007, 10:26 pm

Why don't you be honest:

"Hahaha. I had a great time letting you spend lots of money on me and instead of giving things an honest try or politely telling you I'm not interested after the first drink, I thought I'd lead you on because (pick any / all that apply)

I'm not brave enough to tell you to your face I'm not interested."

I enjoyed you buying me drinks and didn't want it to stop, but don't want to do anything beyond drink the alcohol you buy me and have you pay attention to me."

I honestly... (if you can say this with a straight face, more power to you)... cannot understand how the idea could even come into your head that me drinking the alcohol you bought me would lead you to believe you wanted anything beyond watching me drink alcohol."

Do you know what's going to happen now? Here's my predictions:

The guy will realize he's wasting his time with you, be depressed and end up going after a woman who's not as nice / pretty / smart as you. You'll see him later with some bimbo and be angry that guys date bimbos.

The guy will keep trying and you'll eventually come around, find out he's really nice and wonder why the heck you waited so long to start dating him.

The guy will keep trying and you'll eventually come around, find out he's a huge jerk and hate men for a while.

Unless he's gay, he wants to sleep with you. Sure, he probably wants the other things that come with a relationship like intimacy, laughter, trust, respect, someone to spend time with, etc. But he wants sex. Period. If he's in a bar buying you drinks and says or implies he doesn't want sex, he's lying. Guys do this because they don't know how to flirt properly and think if they come out & say what they want, they'll scare you away.

Mia · Jan 21, 2007, 10:45 pm

Um....did you miss the part about not knowing all my drinks were on his tab until I didn't get one?

I never heard him say 'put that on my tab' or anything like that. He must have just gestured to the bartender or something.

I don't do that to guys.

I will say this though...when a guy starts putting shots in front of me that I don't ask for/agree to, trying to get me drunk so they can take advantage....I don't feel bad for them.

That is totally different than picking up the tab for what a lady orders/agrees to.

Mia · Jan 21, 2007, 10:54 pm

This brings up another good question, though. What do you want the woman to do if she is not interested in anything besides talking to you?

Hint? Tell you straight out?

It seems rude before a pass is made to say 'By the way, I just want you to know I have NO interest in you whatsoever'

Mia · Jan 22, 2007, 01:30 am

Quote:

Quote by: RickSp

I bought a drink for a cute gal in a bar last Saturday night. She went home with me.

One drink? She's easy, huh?

Technosoul · Jan 22, 2007, 02:46 am

A nightclub is a place where people go to have fun or to meet someone they might like to date or "do a one night stand with".

A bar that cators to a local neighborhood of regulars is more of a social event for them, to hang out and to meet "friends" whom you can talk with, dance with, or past the time of day (er.. night with). To avoid being lonely or alone.

Sometimes men will buy their buddy a beer, I am sure they do not do so to "hit on them", and so they might also buy one for a woman who they like to hang with, even it they know she is not interested in them sexually.

None the less drinking has it's historical roots as you might recall the biblical story of Jesus making wine at a wedding. The whole idea is to make the bride and groom "loose" so they can have courage to "do it" on their wedding night. Remember that in the old days people did not have running water, showers or even pretty smelling soap. They had B.O. And drinking would help them overcome the fears as well as being confrounted with B.O.

And not only sex but also for violence. Drinking gives people the courage to fight another person and that is why the Irish depend on beer so much. But I am sure they do not offer women a drink so they can get into a fist fight, but that could also happen. (RE: the O.J. trial).

It is kind of odd, booze can cause women to be too drunk to fight off the sexual advances of a man but will not prevent men from being too drunk to get into a redneck fist fight out in the parking lot.

Hmm?

The word "Honeymoon" came from two words. As they had a mixture where they would mix honey into moonshine so that women would like the taste. And when they drank it on their wedding night the lovers would have a better "party" when they finally got alone that night.

However, 90 percent of the time if a man buys a woman a drink he is asking "are you interested is having sex with me". Even if they never get around to asking for it they maintain that fantasy in their minds. Also, men think that women are impressed with men who have money, paying for the drinks or "breakfast" (and being a big tipper) is a around about way for impressing the girl with the idea that he would be a "good provider". If he buys you a flower then that is more suggestive then buying you a beer.

But it is not all about sex. Getting drunk with a girl means that you can have fun doing radical and foolish things, to live it up, get crazy, and have something to remember later. Better with a girl then with another guy, after all men tend to get nutty enough to break laws and if you get involved with the "trouble boys" you might spend the rest of the night in jail instead of in bed with her. Opps, it is love baby, not the drinks. (until the morning after - right?).

Compugasm · Jan 22, 2007, 07:58 am

I'm with Bacon Guy, I just don't have the patients to listen to people babble on, and feign interest. I'm an interesting guy to talk about, but not interesting to talk to.

Quote:

Quote by: Mia

Hint? Tell you straight out?

I guess it's best. It certainly stings, but doing nothing, the situation is escallating. Come on Heidi Fleiss, keep your pimp hand strong, find a replacement?

Zhavric · Jan 22, 2007, 09:09 am

Quote:

Quote by: Mia

This brings up another good question, though. What do you want the woman to do if she is not interested in anything besides talking to you?

Hint? Tell you straight out?

It seems rude before a pass is made to say 'By the way, I just want you to know I have NO interest in you whatsoever'

Please justify how drinking lots of drinks he's clearly paying for & leading him on is "polite".

Put yourself on the other side for a moment. You meet a guy. You take the initiative and ask to see him socially. You invite him over for a home cooked meal. You spend money & time getting your hair styled / buying a new outfit / getting your nails done / tanning / buying make-up / inviting him over / buying expensive food & wine / cooking it / etc.

The guy comes over, eats your food, has a few laughs with you and then (after the meal is over) mentions to you that he's gay / married / has a girlfriend / isn't dating right now / (pick or invent any).

Would you have rather known before or after you went to the trouble?

You go through all this trouble, the guy sees you, smiles politely and

RickSp · Jan 22, 2007, 11:48 am

Quote:

Quote by: Mia

One drink? She's easy, huh?

Yup. We both are. :)

Keith Hamburger · Jan 22, 2007, 10:21 pm

Quote:

Quote by: RickSp

Yup. We both are. :)

Must be. Usually, when I go out with my wife, if I don't end up having to buy dinner and one or two drinks, it's for an evening dancing or "on the town". That adds up to a hell of a lot more than "one drink".

Of course, there are all of the times we don't go anywhere and things still happen. She doesn't go home with me, but, what the hell, we're already home.

Perhaps it all works out in the long run.

Keith

Mia · Jan 23, 2007, 12:05 am

Quote:

Quote by: Zhavric

Please justify how drinking lots of drinks he's clearly paying for & leading him on is "polite".

I don't think that it is. I was asking how to politely NOT lead him on.

Mia · Jan 23, 2007, 12:16 am

Quote:

Quote by: Technosoul

A nightclub is a place where people go to have fun or to meet someone they might like to date or "do a one night stand with".

A bar that cators to a local neighborhood of regulars is more of a social event for them, to hang out and to meet "friends" whom you can talk with, dance with, or past the time of day (er.. night with). To avoid being lonely or alone.

See, in the former, it's easy. A simple 'no thank you'. Or accepting one drink and chatting for a bit.

In the latter, however, when the man is sitting next to you at the bar, you don't want to make a fuss and go sit across the way.

I guess I could just decline the drink, and that is the answer to his underlying question.

Jan 15, 2007, 02:20 pm	#21 (permalink) (top)
brien Iceberg Location: Connecticut Posts: 5,703	I would have a big problem if when I bought someone a drink at the bar and they ended up coming home with me. My wife of 28 years would either open the guest room door or the back door. If I buy someone a drink, male or female, it is because I like them, and offer it as a courtesy rather than anything else. Brien the Iceberg If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. M.T.

Jan 19, 2007, 03:07 am	#22 (permalink) (top)
Osborn F Enready Principled Observer Location: Toledo, Ohio Posts: 13,876	I buy a woman a drink if I want her to "loan" me some of her time. A gentleman respects a ladies time, and attempts to bid for it with a gesture of significance in trade for it. I wouldn't buy a lady a drink at a car dealership, if thats where I saw her.(or a car either for that matter ) In a bar, club or establishment that serves drinks, I would indeed if I sought her time, in hopes of a possibility to win her affection and intrests. Petition of Redress of Grievances: http://www.givemeliberty.org/default.htm Canadian Lawsuit Against Their National Banks: http://www.freewebs.com/classaction/ Osborn F. Enready

Jan 19, 2007, 03:47 am	#23 (permalink) (top)
Mia Retired Posts: 7,312	Perfect answer, Os! "...with like-minded people one cannot discuss. With like-minded people one can only participate in a church service, and you know how I feel about church services." Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Jan 20, 2007, 08:09 am	#25 (permalink) (top)
Mia Retired Posts: 7,312	See yours and some other's answers is what I was looking for. It seems I have come across men who are doing it out of courtesy. Like opening a door or helping with a coat...that's what I was trying to get at. Why is it a courtesy to buy a woman's drink? What is the frame of mind that leads to that? Old fashioned chivalry? "...with like-minded people one cannot discuss. With like-minded people one can only participate in a church service, and you know how I feel about church services." Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Jan 20, 2007, 08:59 am	#26 (permalink) (top)
RickSp Volcanic Erupter Posts: 9,589	I bought a drink for a cute gal in a bar last Saturday night. She went home with me. Of course, as she was/is my wife that was not a huge surprise. Can't rememeber when I bought a single woman a drink, but then my memory isn't what it used to be. Rick "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross." Sinclair Lewis

Jan 21, 2007, 09:57 pm	#29 (permalink) (top)
Mia Retired Posts: 7,312	OK, well the gentlemanly guy from last week was completely different this week. He had ALL my orders put on his tab (which I didn't know until I didn't get one), he had the bartender bring us three shots in a row, and then he tried to kiss me when we left. He's a nice man and I enjoy talking to him but that's it. I don't really know what to say/do next time. I guess just tell him straight up, 'hey I don't want to give you the wrong impression here....' I could make a joke out of it - sit away from him and say 'he's a bad influence!' I wish I had said something last night, but I felt weird with other people leaving at the same time and they could hear..... "...with like-minded people one cannot discuss. With like-minded people one can only participate in a church service, and you know how I feel about church services." Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Jan 21, 2007, 10:26 pm	#30 (permalink) (top)
Zhavric Made of pure win. Posts: 3,795	Why don't you be honest: "Hahaha. I had a great time letting you spend lots of money on me and instead of giving things an honest try or politely telling you I'm not interested after the first drink, I thought I'd lead you on because (pick any / all that apply) I'm not brave enough to tell you to your face I'm not interested." I enjoyed you buying me drinks and didn't want it to stop, but don't want to do anything beyond drink the alcohol you buy me and have you pay attention to me." I honestly... (if you can say this with a straight face, more power to you)... cannot understand how the idea could even come into your head that me drinking the alcohol you bought me would lead you to believe you wanted anything beyond watching me drink alcohol." Do you know what's going to happen now? Here's my predictions: The guy will realize he's wasting his time with you, be depressed and end up going after a woman who's not as nice / pretty / smart as you. You'll see him later with some bimbo and be angry that guys date bimbos. The guy will keep trying and you'll eventually come around, find out he's really nice and wonder why the heck you waited so long to start dating him. The guy will keep trying and you'll eventually come around, find out he's a huge jerk and hate men for a while. Unless he's gay, he wants to sleep with you. Sure, he probably wants the other things that come with a relationship like intimacy, laughter, trust, respect, someone to spend time with, etc. But he wants sex. Period. If he's in a bar buying you drinks and says or implies he doesn't want sex, he's lying. Guys do this because they don't know how to flirt properly and think if they come out & say what they want, they'll scare you away. Theists: supplying volconvo with lose since 2004.

Jan 21, 2007, 10:45 pm	#31 (permalink) (top)
Mia Retired Posts: 7,312	Um....did you miss the part about not knowing all my drinks were on his tab until I didn't get one? I never heard him say 'put that on my tab' or anything like that. He must have just gestured to the bartender or something. I don't do that to guys. I will say this though...when a guy starts putting shots in front of me that I don't ask for/agree to, trying to get me drunk so they can take advantage....I don't feel bad for them. That is totally different than picking up the tab for what a lady orders/agrees to. "...with like-minded people one cannot discuss. With like-minded people one can only participate in a church service, and you know how I feel about church services." Ayaan Hirsi Ali Last edited by Mia; Jan 22, 2007 at 12:11 am.

Jan 21, 2007, 10:54 pm	#32 (permalink) (top)
Mia Retired Posts: 7,312	This brings up another good question, though. What do you want the woman to do if she is not interested in anything besides talking to you? Hint? Tell you straight out? It seems rude before a pass is made to say 'By the way, I just want you to know I have NO interest in you whatsoever' "...with like-minded people one cannot discuss. With like-minded people one can only participate in a church service, and you know how I feel about church services." Ayaan Hirsi Ali Last edited by Mia; Jan 22, 2007 at 12:16 am.

Jan 22, 2007, 02:46 am	#34 (permalink) (top)
Technosoul Volcanic Erupter Posts: 8,936	A nightclub is a place where people go to have fun or to meet someone they might like to date or "do a one night stand with". A bar that cators to a local neighborhood of regulars is more of a social event for them, to hang out and to meet "friends" whom you can talk with, dance with, or past the time of day (er.. night with). To avoid being lonely or alone. Sometimes men will buy their buddy a beer, I am sure they do not do so to "hit on them", and so they might also buy one for a woman who they like to hang with, even it they know she is not interested in them sexually. None the less drinking has it's historical roots as you might recall the biblical story of Jesus making wine at a wedding. The whole idea is to make the bride and groom "loose" so they can have courage to "do it" on their wedding night. Remember that in the old days people did not have running water, showers or even pretty smelling soap. They had B.O. And drinking would help them overcome the fears as well as being confrounted with B.O. And not only sex but also for violence. Drinking gives people the courage to fight another person and that is why the Irish depend on beer so much. But I am sure they do not offer women a drink so they can get into a fist fight, but that could also happen. (RE: the O.J. trial). It is kind of odd, booze can cause women to be too drunk to fight off the sexual advances of a man but will not prevent men from being too drunk to get into a redneck fist fight out in the parking lot. Hmm? The word "Honeymoon" came from two words. As they had a mixture where they would mix honey into moonshine so that women would like the taste. And when they drank it on their wedding night the lovers would have a better "party" when they finally got alone that night. However, 90 percent of the time if a man buys a woman a drink he is asking "are you interested is having sex with me". Even if they never get around to asking for it they maintain that fantasy in their minds. Also, men think that women are impressed with men who have money, paying for the drinks or "breakfast" (and being a big tipper) is a around about way for impressing the girl with the idea that he would be a "good provider". If he buys you a flower then that is more suggestive then buying you a beer. But it is not all about sex. Getting drunk with a girl means that you can have fun doing radical and foolish things, to live it up, get crazy, and have something to remember later. Better with a girl then with another guy, after all men tend to get nutty enough to break laws and if you get involved with the "trouble boys" you might spend the rest of the night in jail instead of in bed with her. Opps, it is love baby, not the drinks. (until the morning after - right?).