Does God have a penis?

[westcoastdog]

According to the bible, God made man in his image. Genesis 1:27:
God created man in his own image. In God's image he created him; male and female he created them.

At one of my parties, there was a discussion about the nature of God. One of my feminist guests retorted to a male guest, "I can't believe in a god with a penis!"

Assuming that it is true that man resembles God and that God has a full set of sex organs, does it suggest that there is a unknown female God? Or is it a useless appendage?

I hope I get some thoughtful responses from Christians and Jews who believe that the bible represents the literal truth.

Being a secular Buddhist, I take no position on this question, which I think is interesting because of its implications.

[shrike]

I am a Jewish agnostic myself but as i understand Judaism point of view the creation is not about physical similarity but spiritual .Certain characteristics of god are transferred to human for example the ability to create new things. Angels for example lack such characteristics.

[westcoastdog]

Spiritual similarity?? That's even a more difficulty similarity in my mind. On second thought, when one examines the harsh and sometimes cruel god of the Old Testament, there is a similarity with humanity.

I may ask this question on one of the Rabbi websites after I return from Yosemite.

[Plasma Snake[D]]

Obviously your God has a penis. Or else how did he create you? From the dirt? I once heard that all kids have a inner fear of being castrated by their father. This must be tied into this topic somehow.

[westcoastdog]

No, plasma snake. It was the comment by my feminist friend. One could extend the physiology to the stomach, sweat glands, etc. How do the literal bible believers handle this question?

[twoanickel]

Quote by: westcoastdog According to the bible, God made man in his image. Genesis 1:27: God created man in his own image. In God's image he created him; male and female he created them. At one of my parties, there was a discussion about the nature of God. One of my feminist guests retorted to a male guest, "I can't believe in a god with a penis!" Assuming that it is true that man resembles God and that God has a full set of sex organs, does it suggest that there is a unknown female God? Or is it a useless appendage? I hope I get some thoughtful responses from Christians and Jews who believe that the bible represents the literal truth. Being a secular Buddhist, I take no position on this question, which I think is interesting because of its implications.

One thing you have that it is certain He doesn't have is a juvenile mentality. Where is your mommie?

[Jack]

I have to wonder what god would need one for? He doesn't eat or drink, therefore has no need of an excretory canal. There's no one his equal with whom to have sex. It seems rather pointless for him to have one.
If he were to supposedly look like a human, though, I would expect him to have nipples, which are common to both sexes. Not that he'd have much use for them either.
Since god was created in man's image, I guess we can imagine him with/without all sorts of appendages. Is this beginning to remind anyone else of the FSM?

[Rainbow]

Quote by: westcoastdog Does God have a penis?

We have no clue on God.
Why to raise a question on the Source's characteristics, since we have no idea on the Source (itself) ?
Besides, why not to "debate" whether God speaks French or German or English, ect. ?
What about God's ears ? Is God tattooed ? or maybe pierced ?

In other words :
- "debate" on God's gender, at party ? :-)))

P.S.
What people are born for ? To raise statistical data ?
It seems to be the case, for many. A horrible time-and-place waste.
We - Mankind are just marvelous :-)

[Morgan_Freeman]

Of course god has a penis. How else could he have fucked the Singularity Ovum to create the Universe?

[Lullaby Chainer]

Quote by: Isherwood I have to wonder what god would need one for? He doesn't eat or drink, therefore has no need of an excretory canal. There's no one his equal with whom to have sex. It seems rather pointless for him to have one. If he were to supposedly look like a human, though, I would expect him to have nipples, which are common to both sexes. Not that he'd have much use for them either. Since god was created in man's image, I guess we can imagine him with/without all sorts of appendages. Is this beginning to remind anyone else of the FSM?

Ah yes.. the Flying Spaghetti Monster has many penis's for his many maidens. Each noodly appendage is a reproductive organ. The first "midget" by the mountain, as the holy texts read, was spawned by a noodly reproductive appendage of the FSM.

[Mr. Hyde]

Quote by: westcoastdog According to the bible, God made man in his image. Genesis 1:27: God created man in his own image. In God's image he created him; male and female he created them. At one of my parties, there was a discussion about the nature of God. One of my feminist guests retorted to a male guest, "I can't believe in a god with a penis!" Assuming that it is true that man resembles God and that God has a full set of sex organs, does it suggest that there is a unknown female God? Or is it a useless appendage? I hope I get some thoughtful responses from Christians and Jews who believe that the bible represents the literal truth. Being a secular Buddhist, I take no position on this question, which I think is interesting because of its implications.

God has a penis. It's not useless. How do I know? Because everytime I pray I get fucked by God.

[Lullaby Chainer]

Quote by: Mr. Hyde God has a penis. It's not useless. How do I know? Because everytime I pray I get fucked by God.

LMAO

Mr Hyde? From ODN?

[westcoastdog]

Mr. Hyde, that was classic.

[Zhavric]

The Lord may or may not have a penis. One this is for sure though. The Lord has a lot of Niggaz to give shout-outs to.

God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz

SOUTH BRONX, NY—The Lord Almighty finally responded to nearly two decades of praise in hip-hop album liner notes Monday, when He gave a shout-out back to all His loyal niggaz.

Rappers Method Man and Redman give big ups to God (inset).
"Right about now, I want to send a shout-out to each and every nigga who's shown Me love through the years," said the Lord, His booming voice descending from Heaven. "I got mad love for each and every one of you niggaz. Y'all real niggaz out there, you know who you are. Y'all was there for me, and it's about time I'm-a give some love back to God's true crew."

"All y'all niggaz, y'all be My niggaz," the Lord added.

As of press time, God has thanked nearly 7,000 of His niggaz, including those in New York's Bad Boy and Ruff Ryders posses, the No Limit soldiers and Cash Money Millionaires holdin' it down in New Orleans, Nelly and the whole St. Lunatics crew, Busta and the rest of the Flipmode Squad, His peeps from back in the day, and all the real ruffneck niggaz in lockdown. He also sent shout-outs to everybody in the Old School, as well as to Lil' Bow Wow and all the other new niggaz just coming up.

"Mad props to P. Diddy, Jay-Z, DMX, Lil' Kim, Mystikal, Eve, Ja Rule, Jadakiss, Trick Daddy, and Xzibit. And one love to Meth, RZA, GZA, Ghostface, and the rest of My real niggaz in the Wu-Tang Clan," the deity said. "These My beloved niggaz, with whom I be well-pleased."

Now nearing the 48-hour mark, the Lord's first-ever reciprocal shout-out shows little sign of slowing down. Based on estimates of the number of rappers who have thanked Him in liner notes over the past 20 years, hip-hop experts say the historic shout-out is likely to continue through early next week.

A pair of shout-out tablets handed down by the Lord.
In addition to rap's current stars, God offered shout-outs to the original hip-hop heads, including such pioneers of the art form as Grandmaster Flash, Busy Bee, Melle Mel, Jazzy Jay, Kool Moe Dee, Afrika Bambaataa, DJ Red Alert, the Cold Crush Brothers, Fab 5 Freddy, Kurtis Blow, Kool Herc, and the Funky 4+1.

God also offered shout-outs to the many DJs, record labels, magazines, TV shows, and radio stations that have tirelessly supported hip-hop over the years. Among them are Def Jam, Tommy Boy, Jive, Roc-A-Fella, Rap Pages, The Source, Right On!, The Box, Funkmaster Flex, Ed Lover and Dr. Dre, WBLS 107.5, KISS-FM, and Hot 97.

"For supporting the many artists who have supported Me so faithfully, I say thank you," God said. "All praise to Devante Harrell, Wanda Simmons, LaShell Thomas, and everybody else at Uptown/MCA for making this possible."

As a further sign of His love for the hip-hop community, God assured the nation's rappers that He is taking good care of all their peers currently with Him in heaven.

"Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Eazy-E, Scott LaRock—some of y'all niggaz are already up in this bitch," the Lord said. "For those of you who were left behind, know that the Lord has got your dead homies' backs. Faith [Evans], I promise I'm taking real good care of your Biggie. He resting in crazy peace, no doubt."

Thus far, God has not played favorites, thanking such fallen-off acts as Hammer and Vanilla Ice in the same breath as vital artists whose careers are still going strong. The Lord has also seen fit to thank the little-known likes of Baby Tragic, DJ Phreek Malik, and Da Ill Collector—MCs so obscure that virtually no one within the hip-hop community has heard of them. All rappers, God explained, are equal in His sight, and none are too small to escape His notice.

"God sees even the smallest sparrow fall," said Dr. Cornel West, Harvard University professor of African-American studies and philosophy of religion. "The same is true of MCs: Whether a major superstar or a complete unknown, all rappers are His children, and He loves them all."

The sheer volume of names notwithstanding, the nation's rappers are deeply touched by God's gesture of tribute and appreciation, with many stating that they "feelin' Him."

"God is the Original," Brooklyn-based rapper Mos Def said. "The world is ruled by the wealthy and the wicked, but all respect due to the Creator who made this world and who will one day bring justice to the wicked and righteous alike."

Despite the overwhelmingly positive response among rappers, the Lord is drawing fire in certain circles for His use of the word "nigga." On Monday's Larry King Live, conservative activist Rev. Calvin Butts, a longtime ally of the Lord, blasted Him for His "shocking, unexpected use of the racially loaded N-word." Some concerned parties, including decency crusader C. Delores Tucker, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT), and members of the San Francisco-based What About The Children? Foundation, are calling for a boycott of church services until God issues an apology.

Reacting to the controversy, many in the hip-hop community are rushing to the Lord's defense.

"The word 'nigga' means different things depending on how it's used and who's saying it," rap legend and Public Enemy frontman Chuck D said. "Judging from context, God obviously wasn't being derogatory. He was using 'nigga' as a blanket term of affection for all His true supporters on the rap scene. At one point, He said, 'I wanna give a shout-out to Ad-Rock, MC Serch, and my man Dan The Automator—all y'all is real niggaz in My all-benevolent sight.' Considering the fact that Ad-Rock and Serch are Jewish, and the Automator is Asian-American, it's clear God isn't talking about race here. He's just paying respect to all those who have paid respect to Him."

"God's the ultimate playa, so naturally He's going to have some haters," rapper Ice Cube said. "But these haters need to realize that if you mess with the man upstairs, you will get your ass smote. True dat."

[Rive]

"God's the ultimate playa, so naturally He's going to have some haters," rapper Ice Cube said. "But these haters need to realize that if you mess with the man upstairs, you will get your ass smote. True dat."


hahahaa oh my, that makes me laugh *so* hard

true dat

[Kite]

who dat?

good line

If I were God I would give myself a shclong. But thats just me.

[Rive]

what would you use it for would be the biggest question

slapping people around?
pride?
just to make fun of those who don't have one?

[Kite]

All three. :)

Also, I would have it shoot a mighty beam of Holiness, to fend off the Devil and his minions. I don't know from experience, but I think being defeated by a discharge from your foe's unit is pretty demoralizing. :eek:

[westcoastdog]

In pursuit of this question about the physical attributes of God, I asked this question to an ask the rabbi website. Below is part of the lengthy reply. By the way moderator, this thread does belong in Philosophy and Religion because the issue is basic to understanding the relationship between man and God.

Thank you for your question. First let us start with the Thirteen Principles of Faith that Judaism rests on, according to Maimonides. Here they are written, as they are commonly printed in Jewish prayer books: 1) I believe with complete faith that the Creator, Blessed is His Name, creates and guides all creatures, and that He alone made, makes, and will make everything. 2) I believe with complete faith that the Creator, Blessed is His Name is unique, and there is no uniqueness like His in any way, and that He alone is our G-d, Who was, Who is, and Who always will be. 3) I believe with complete faith that the Creator, Blessed is His Name, is not physical and is not affected by physical phenomena, and that there is no comparison whatsoever to Him. 4) I believe with complete faith that the Creator, Blessed is His Name - is the very first and the very last. 5) I believe with complete faith that the Creator, Blessed is His Name - to Him alone is it proper to pray and it is not proper to pray to any other. 6) I believe with complete faith that all the words of the prophets are true. 7) I believe with complete faith that the prophecy of Moses our teacher, peace upon him, was true, and that he was the father of the prophets - both those who preceded him and those who followed him. 8) I believe with complete faith that the entire Torah now in our hands is the same one that was given to Moses, our teacher, peace be upon him. 9) I believe with complete faith that this Torah will not be exchanged nor will there be another Torah from the Creator, Blessed is His Name. 10) I believe with complete faith that the Creator, Blessed is His Name, knows all the deeds of human beings and their thoughts, as it is said, "He fashions their hearts all together, He comprehends all their deeds." (Psalms 33:15) 11) I believe with complete faith that the Creator, Bless is His Name, rewards with good those who observe His commandments, and punishes those who violate his commandments. 12) I believe with complete faith in the coming of the Messiah, and even though he may delay, nevertheless I anticipate every day that he will come. 13) I believe with complete faith that there will be a resuscitation of the dead whenever the wish emanates from the Creator, Blessed is His Name and exalted is His mention, forever and for all eternity. Please pay particular attention to number 3. You are right we are perforce dealing with very deep spiritual concepts. We are mere humans and cannot grasp the essence of God. A great sage once pointed out that to know God, we would have to be God. The best we can do is to try and understand some of the ways that God manifests himself in this world. Regarding the gender of God, I think that the following article should help give us some insight into the matter: The Gender of God by Rebbetzin Tzipporah Heller One of the more arresting images used for God is that of God as a Man or a Woman. But why do we refer to God so frequently as He? Can God ever be called She? While the actualities of gender are of course irrelevant to God, who has no body, there is a reason for the use of these allegories. Let us penetrate the surface toward a sophisticated understanding underlying these images. BANANAS AND INFINITY Before tackling our question, we must ask another one: Why is imagery used at all to describe an unknowable God? It seems so pagan! Humans are hopelessly addicted to physical reality. Our ability to think in abstractions without using the physical world as a base tends to be illusory. We turn to words to convey ideas that are vastly beyond our experience, and fool ourselves into thinking that because we feel comfortable with the word, our grasp of the idea it conveys is complete. Try an exercise. Close your eyes and picture three bananas, without dividing them into groups (two on top, one on bottom, etc.) or counting them. No problem, right? Now do the same with seven bananas. Remember, no grouping or counting. Most of us will find this extremely difficult. If you move on to picture 12 bananas without grouping or counting, you are now on a mission impossible. To paraphrase Maimonides (in the first part of his famous "Guide to the Perplexed"), if you can't see 12 bananas, then you don't have much concept of phrases like "infinite," "Almighty," etc. Maimonides' observation is humbling, but is also quite honest in regard to understanding human nature. We need concrete images. For this reason, the same Torah that unequivocally tells us that God has no form, also allows for rich and varied "earthly" images -- e.g. the strong hand of God, the watchful eyes of God, etc. Now let's move to he/she. The Zohar uses gender imagery consistently. He points out that God's unity takes two forms, as do humans who express His image. The two physical forms that characterize the world -- male and female -- act as a living metaphor for the two ways in which God makes His presence known. The Talmud and the mystics use the "Holy One Blessed Be He" as the masculine phrase, and "Shechina" (presence) as the feminine phrase. Let us examine the deeper meaning of these phrases.

[Jillamanda]

Quote by: Isherwood If he were to supposedly look like a human, though, I would expect him to have nipples, which are common to both sexes. Not that he'd have much use for them either.

The only reason mere mortal men have nipples is so they can tell how deep the water is when they go to the beach. As God can walk on water, and part the seas, his nipples would be completely superfluous.

He has no need for a depth sounder.