About time for this story again

[Nono]

The Yiddish Parrot

Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home along Delancey Street one day wishing something wonderful would happen into his life when he passed a pet store and heard a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish:
"Quawwwwk...vus machst du...yeah, you...outside, standing there like a schmuck...eh?"

Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn't believe it! The proprietor sprang out of the door and grabbed Meyer by the sleeve. "Come on in here, fella, and check out this parrot!"

Meyer stood in front of an African Grey that cocked its little head and said:
"Vus? Kenst reddin Yiddish?"

Meyer turned excitedly to the store owner. "He speaks Yiddish?"

"What did you expect? Chinese maybe?"

In a matter of moments, Meyer had placed 500 dollars down on the counter and carried the parrot in his cage away with him. All night he talked with the parrot. In Yiddish. He told it about his father's adventures coming to America. About how beautiful his mother had been as a young bride. About his family. About his years working in the garment centre. About Florida. The parrot listened and commented.
They shared some walnuts. The parrot told him of living in the pet store, how he hated the weekends. They both went to sleep.

Next morning, Meyer began saying his prayers. The parrot demanded to know what he was doing and when Meyer explained, the parrot wanted to pray too.

Meyer went out and got a hand-made a miniature yarmulke for the parrot.
The parrot wanted to learn to read Hebrew so Meyer spent weeks and months, sitting and teaching the parrot, teaching him Torah. In time, Meyer came to love and count on the par-rot as a friend. He was lonely no more.

One morning, on Rosh Hashanah, Meyer rose and got dressed and was about to leave when the parrot demanded to go with him. Meyer explained that a synagogue was no place for a bird but the parrot made a terrific argument. So Meyer carried him to the synagogue on his shoulder. Needless to say, they made quite a spectacle, and Meyer was questioned by everyone, including the Rabbi, who at first refused to allow a bird into the building. But Meyer persuaded him to let him in this one time, swearing that the parrot could pray. Wagers were made with Meyer. Thousands of dollars were bet (even odds) that the parrot could NOT pray, could not speak Yiddish or Hebrew, etc.

All eyes were on the African Grey during services. The parrot perched on Meyer's shoulder as prayer followed song. But Meyer heard not a peep from the bird. He began to become annoyed, slapping at his shoulder and mumbling under his breath, "Pray already!"

The parrot said nothing.

"Pray...parrot, you can pray, so pray...come on, everybody's looking at you!"

The parrot said nothing.

After Rosh Hashanah services were concluded, Meyer found that he owed his synagogue buddies thousands of dollars. He marched home, furious, saying nothing. Finally, several blocks from the temple the parrot began to sing an old Yiddish song, happy as a lark. Meyer stopped and looked at him. "You miserable bird, you cost me over four thousand dollars. Why? After I taught you the morning prayers, and taught you to read Hebrew and the Torah. And after you begged me to bring you to the synagogue on Rosh Hashanah. Why? Why did you do this to me?"

"Don't be a schmuck", the parrot replied. "Think of the odds at Yom Kippur!

[loser]

Would I find this funny if I was Jewish?

[Nono]

Well, it was told to me by a nice Jewish boy from Queens whose ancestors all came from the shtetl. He certainly thinks it's funny.
But then he has a sense of humour.

OK, how about this? I was raised a Presbyterian. Now here's a joke:

Question: Why are Presbyterians so horrified by fornication?

Answer: Because it could lead to (shudder) dancing.

Do I think that's funny? Fraid I do.

[Walrus]

I have a fondness for Jewish humour, it has a self deprecating quality and I like people who can laugh at themselves.

[Dr_Acula]

Alright then, but I warn this one may be a bit more offensive.

A very wealthy man had been diagnosed with a severe heart disease, which left him quite weakened, in dire need of blood transfusions. He published ads on the newspapers, and a jewish man answered the call, donating him a large amount of his blood.

Thankful for having saved his life, the rich man gave the jewish guy his large house in the bahamas.

A few weeks later, the diesase stroke again and the jewish guy found himslef donating some of his blood to the man one more time.
Thankful again for his life being saved, the wealthy dude gave him a brand new car.

The situation repeated itslef after a few days, and this time the rich guy have him a silver watch.

"A watch? I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but the first time, you gave me a house... I mean, you're uber-rich, and I saved your life!!"

"What can I say -answered the wealthy man- your blood has started to kick in..."

[Nono]

Well, it would take some doing to offend me.
The joke told above is simply nasty -- its premise (that Jews are inherent rip-off artists) is its whole A to Z.

Which makes it pretty damn weak joke-wise.

And, after all, what worse can you say about a joke than that it's weak?

[Nono]

Quote by: Walrus I have a fondness for Jewish humour, it has a self deprecating quality and I like people who can laugh at themselves.

So true. Just think of the "Jewish Mama" jokes (which, after all, have a pretty sturdy basis in reality).

Here's one:

Bernie phones his mother now retired in Florida.

"Hi Mom, it's Bernie. How are you doing."

"Not so good. I haven't eaten for 12 days."

"What?! Why not??"

"I didn't want to have food in my mouth should my son call."

[Walrus]

That one is great Nono and a fine example of the fact that this type of humour is a product of the Jewish community and culture.