Now, I’ll tell why there are no time machines. It isn’t that no one ever came back from the future to see us, although that is still a good reason for no time machines being possible. Nor is it that there can’t be a future going on somewhere ahead of time, as that’s a fine one, too.
It is that women prevented time machines from being invented; for, every time a man said, “Honey, I’m going out to the garage to work on my time machine” the woman in his life would reply “That’s impossible, dear. Stop wasting your time; there is housework to be done and grass to be cut.”
The man would still sneak out to try to work on his time machine, but the woman would find him and, once again, say something like, “That’s impossible, you nut head. Get in here and do something useful!” and that’s why there are no time machines!
Since one million years had just passed by, they, of the future, prepared to open, nigh, the absolutely sealed container’s prize, of a capsule made so carefully that it did survive without damage, being totally impregnable to any outside influence imaginable.
They expected to see, perhaps, some old relic, but certainly nothing alive that could tell of it, for it would be hard to imagine, even then, that some organism could keep on going its ken over its course of a million years later, sealed inside this tight container, unable even to exchange energy’s spark, this metabolism being the hallmark of life and all that quacked or quarked… and, so, they did not at all expect something in there that would be flapping its wings, gasping for air, or anything at all of life’s song, it wondering what had taken so long.
Well, they were right and they were wrong, for in the time capsule that was planted ago so long, several things had with it come along…
One was a plaque, of numbers low and high, and containing some primes and pi, another, some essays of the future—some, like those on forums, quite mature, along with Darwin’s book, maps curled, and with maps and other items of the world from those times when the oceans swirled; but, the last, one perhaps not intended, was a microbe—an extremophile—laying there quite contented all the while!
Well, they soon laughed, loud and long, for they were in between right and wrong about what could survive from so long ago, for, it was really walking mighty slow!
Amazingly, as with it the time capsule took, the microbe walked right out of Darwin’s book!
Mikey was a unicellular microorganism, a microbe, one of the bacteria that were called ‘extremophiles’, for they were capable of living in extreme environmental conditions of temperature, ph, salinity, pressure, dryness, radiation, and even with no sunlight or oxygen. They even loved chomping on plutonium, the deadliest substance ever known. Mikey’s ancestry went back 4 billion years, he being among the sturdiest creatures on Earth, those that had also become its master, for humans couldn’t live for but a few minutes without bacteria.
Mikey thought that he might go to Enceladus for a balmy vacation where life was easy, always with a pool and party not too far away. Enceladus is a small satellite of Saturn and is a geologically active moon world with some wondrous scenery of spouting volcanic plumes, even having a bath of water within and below.
Just about then, for sometimes wishes do come true, a huge meteor impact struck the Earth and thrust some material into space, including Mikey and friends, who then resided rather dormant in a rock that protected them by acting as a shield against solar radiation and cosmic rays, not that this would have bothered them a whole lot.
Eons later Mikey and friends and their rock of a spaceship landed on Enceladus. Mikey stepped out of the rock and onto a tiger-striped surface where the temperature was about -359 degrees f. A tiny shiver almost began to undulate through him, but, he shrugged it off. He was hungry, though, not having eaten for millions of years, except for a few bites of iron—and so he was really only running quickly at about half-speed. His friends followed excitedly, covering over 100 kilometers in a few minutes. They paused every so often to gobble up some dust.
They were taken aback for a millisecond when they spotted a fast food restaurant with a sign that said ‘billions and billions of bacteria served here’.
“Hey, there is native life here, just as we’d hoped” said Mikey.
“What a tropical paradise! Hey, there are some hot springs. Let’s take a dip with the sexy native girls and then kick back and relax.”
They frolicked and swam all around for a few thousand years… until a very large eruption sent them all far into space. After a billion years or so, they landed on the 4th planet from a sun in a solar system far away, seeding it with life that became human-like within a few more billion years, although there were some differences in anatomy.