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BlackSheep

Being gay is a choice.

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by
BlackSheep
, 1st February 2012 at 06:07 AM (1170 Views)
Something sparked a thought in me today.
Being gay is a choice, but not in the way you may think, but maybe it is an insight into people claim it is.
My girlfriend was talking about BDSM with her Mom who "didn't want to understand it". At first this perplexed me, and I have run into this before. Why would someone be afraid to understand this? Then it struck me. If they understood it they would need to make a choice.

If I don't understand BDSM then I can't understand its appeal and I can't be drawn to it. If I am not drawn to it then I never need to accept it is part of me and I don't need to choose to accept it as part of me. I don't need to choose it is really who I am.

It is the same with being gay or bisexual and in this context the term homophobia makes much more sense. People reject it without understanding it because they are afraid they will need to make that choice. They don't want to make it. It is so much easier for them to be normal if they don't understand being abnormal.

Understanding is the first step in accepting that something is normal to a degree, and once we are there we are able to see these things as acceptable. Once we do that we can potentially see these things in ourselves and then we must choose to accept them as part of us or to deny them.

It strikes me this could be a key element of the conservative mindset. If we deny these things then we don't need to chose and we can stay "normal" like we should. If they refuse to understand then they never have to make that choice.
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  1. Dismay's Avatar
    Im not sure bdsm is a proper comparison. Sexual orientation is far more basic than a fetish.. You don't dabble in homosexuality because your partner wants to try something new. Where ever you fall on the kinsey scale you are pretty much stuck with.
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  2. BlackSheep's Avatar
    If you open your mind to the possibility in the first place. I agree BDSM is not an ideal comparison, but I selected it for its negative connotations. You mind find if you talk to some people with fetishes that s is pretty deeply seated as well. Not people who dabble in it but people for whom it is more.
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  3. oades11's Avatar
    I don't see how your argument entails that being gay is a choice. The only apparent choice is that of actively seeking out a further understanding of homosexuality, something which may or may not have appeal. The appeal itself is not something that is a choice though. And in this case I hardly think, for a homosexual, that gaining an understanding of homosexuality is much of a choice either. Most everyone is exposed to the idea somewhere along the line. Ignoring its intrinsic appeal after exposure for them would be like trying to unlearn basic human functions.
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  4. BlackSheep's Avatar
    This blog entry is more about the fear of considering something than being specifically gay. The idea as the bog said "I don't want to understand" and trying to understand why some people refuse to accept that people are born straight, gay or somewhere in between.
    I think that some people refuse to accept their feelings of anything because they feel it is the first step to choosing to possibly being that thing. They think of it as temptation rather than their true nature. It maps very close to their explanations of how they think things are.
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  5. beartheweak's Avatar
    Quote Quote by: Dismay
    Im not sure bdsm is a proper comparison. Sexual orientation is far more basic than a fetish.. You don't dabble in homosexuality because your partner wants to try something new. Where ever you fall on the kinsey scale you are pretty much stuck with.
    I agree that it's not a proper comparison because they are definitely not of the same degree. Nonetheless, it still serves it's purpose as a comparing example because it shows how someone may not want to understand the other side fully so they don't want to make a choice. Yet (still!), I disagree that people don't want to fully understand the otherside because they don't want to make a choice. For instance, I am against materialism, yet I have probably done more extensive research in it than most self-proclaimed atheists because believe it or not, I wanted to make the right choice. In fact, if I can brag a little, I was (many times) an atheist and deist in my life but I've always found stronger evidence to believe in (the Christian) God, so he keeps me coming back.
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  6. BlackSheep's Avatar
    Quote Quote by: beartheweak
    I agree that it's not a proper comparison because they are definitely not of the same degree. Nonetheless, it still serves it's purpose as a comparing example because it shows how someone may not want to understand the other side fully so they don't want to make a choice. Yet (still!), I disagree that people don't want to fully understand the otherside because they don't want to make a choice. For instance, I am against materialism, yet I have probably done more extensive research in it than most self-proclaimed atheists because believe it or not, I wanted to make the right choice. In fact, if I can brag a little, I was (many times) an atheist and deist in my life but I've always found stronger evidence to believe in (the Christian) God, so he keeps me coming back.
    It is certainly not universal that people avoid understanding to avoid a choice, but it is common.
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  7. beartheweak's Avatar
    Quote Quote by: BlackSheep
    It is certainly not universal that people avoid understanding to avoid a choice, but it is common.
    Yeah, that's more accurate.
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  8. BlackSheep's Avatar
    Quote Quote by: beartheweak
    Yeah, that's more accurate.
    I don't think I ever suggested it was universal.
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