Diary of a Melmacian Refugee

Dear New Diary:

I had to quit my job as an Asian costumed character because the Alien Task Force discovered where I worked. So, I had to say "Good Bye" to my co-workers:

"Good bye, Kim and Kim and Kim and Kim and Kim and Kim and Kim and Kim and. . ."

I needed a new job, and I needed it fast. My cousin Gordon suggested that I work as a clown.

A clown? I didn't know what a clown was.

Gordon told me that a clown was someone who was funny and who made people laugh.

The job sounded good to me, but I didn't know where to find clowns. Thankfully, I overheard a couple of people mention a group of clowns located a short distance from the Potomac River. So, I went to visit them.

Upon my arrival, I found myself surrounded by clowns, but none of them were funny. I asked one of them, "How can you people be clowns if none of you can make people laugh?"

The person replied, "Sir, this is Congress, not a circus."

"What's the difference?" I asked.

The person looked at me like this: and then asked, "What planet are you from?"

"Melmac," I replied, "Why do you ask?"

A Texas gentleman overheard our conversation, and he told me that I could find clowns at rodeos. He also said that a large rodeo was taking place in Las Vegas. I thanked the Texan for the information and then left.

I never did learn the difference between Congress and a circus.

Upon arriving in Las Vegas, I learned more about rodeo clowns.

I learned that rodeo clowns wear the coolest homemade costumes:


I learned that working as a rodeo clown is a barrel of fun:


However, working as a rodeo clown requires one to put up with alot of bull:


I said to myself that if I wanted to put up with alot of bull, then I'd return to Congress.

Thankfully, a cowboy overheard my lament, and he said that a different kind of clown could be found at parties. I liked what he said, and so I went to a party:

The cowboy was right. I like these clowns!

After the party, I asked my new girlfriends how much clowns get paid. "Oh, we're not the kind of clowns that get paid," they said, "To make money as a clown, you have to go to a circus."

"But I've already been to Congress," I replied.

They looked at me like this: and said "Well, Congress does resemble a circus."

"What's the difference between the two?" I asked.

They replied, "A circus leaves after it takes your money. Congress takes your money but never leaves."

I never did become a clown. Me being an undocumented alien makes me unelectable.

So, I went to work as another costumed character. The pay is good, but the job leaves me feeling dopey:


On the plus side, I have a new female co-worker who likes short men:

She has this weird craving for apples. I, however, prefer mellons.

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