Classic Bad Taste Humor

[grandpa]

I'll admit that, like many people, I have a sick sense of humor. I often can't utilize it on Volconvo because -- usually -- I'm busy debating and don't want to risk infractions. That's basically what this thread is for; to relieve tension and hopefully get a few laughs. What classic examples of sick humor do you have?

I'll get the ball rolling with this great limerick:

There was a young vampire called Mabel
Whose periods were very unstable.
One night by the moon,
She pulled out a spoon
And drank herself under the table.

Tell me that isn't a great, gross-out verse?

Grandpa h.

[Nono]

There was a young man from Kent
Whose wang was so long it was bent.
To save himself trouble
He packed it in double,
And instead of coming
He went.

[Tycoon]

I've got a very innapropriate pick-up line.

"I've got the "F", I've got the "C", I've got the "K", now all I need is "U".

[Jack]

Adult humor? OK, we've got a forum for that. :)

[SoylentGreen]

Quote by: Jack Adult humor? OK, we've got a forum for that. :)

I don't get that joke.

[Rogue Cardinal]

OH one night when the moon was blue,
Around the corner the shit wagon flew.
A scream and a cry was heard,
a man was killed by a flying turd.
and on his gravestone it was writ,
Man killed in action by flying shit.

[Baarst]

The best pick up line i've heard is "does this smell like chloroform to you?"

[Night]

I'll make dinner if you make breakfast

Or dead baby jokes.

Q. Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a lamborghini?
A. I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

Or racist jokes? I'm not racist at all, but they can be funny.

Q. Mexican, black guy, and a puerto rican guy are in a car. Who is driving?
A. The police

[HelioPrime]

Q: What do you call a back golf player?








A: Nothing, just a black golf player, you dirty Fing racist.

[Jack]

I'll make dinner if you make breakfast

Reminds me of one I heard somewhere along the line: "Would you care to join me for breakfast? Shall I call you or nudge you?"

Or dead baby jokes.

Oh gawd, those and hairlip jokes (and please, if anyone knows a few of those post them, I've forgotten all the good ones a friend once told me). When I was on a freight crew we told those all night long. Hasn't everyone heard the old "How do you make a dead baby float?" Well, there are many worse...err, more.

[SoylentGreen]

How do you make a baby drink?

Put it in a blender.


How do you know if the baby will like the drink?

Put it in feet first.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

Some one had stapled it to the chicken.

[Barnicals]

Normally my sort of humour is sadist humour... Stuff involving pushing people in front of trucks, attacking thier eyes with cheese graters, things like that. I've recently gone off it a bit. A workmate, however, was telling racist jokes recently...

What do you call a one legged black pirate? Shit on a stick. Ngeh.

[Night]

Highly offensive jokes...are the funniest!


How do you tell if a woman is about to say something intelligent? She begins her sentence with "A man once said..."

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

Why do woman have such small feet? Because the distance from the oven to the sink is small.

[gela]

What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.

[SoylentGreen]

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she's already been told twice.

Best pick up line.
Don't bother telling me your name, cause i call all my women , bitch.

[minorwork]

Tom and his hairlip buddy Tim was gonna go chase tail. Figuring to get laid they went to the drug store where Tim went in to get some rubbers. After a while Tim came back. Tom asked if he got the rubbers. "Nuh," said Tim. Surprised Tom asked why not. Tim told him, "ell, ni ent nu na ounter n akked na an, niv ne uh ak a ubbas. E naid "Ni an uhernan uh ning ur nayin. Ned na uck oud." Understanding now, Tom instructed, "He's having trouble understanding you. Look. Go in. Put the money on the counter. Look him in the eye. Take your dick out. Put it on the counter by the money. Point at both and ask for some rubbers. He'll get the message then." Hairlip Tim went in and after a while came back looking pretty much down in the dumps. Tom asked if he got the rubbers this time. Time shook his head no. Unbelieving now, Tom asked why not. In tears now, Tim told him, "Ni id uht uht u aid. Ni aid na oney on na ounder, uhkd im inh a eye, uk oud my ick an aid id ahn na ounder, oinded ahd oth a em an aid "iv e a akk a ubbahs. E uhk is ick oud an aid id on na ounder. Id wah igger an ine an e nook na oney. "