| My housemates threw a party last night. I walked into this hallway where two tall skinny cute girls and a guy were standing. As soon as the dark haired girl saw me she said "Hey sexual predator" in a comfortable tone.
Usually i adore being hit on by girls. She was hot and i'd make out with her still but i was not ready for what she said. it made me uncomfortable and was embarassing. at first i didn't know if she was hitting on me or making fun of me. i believe she wanted me to respond favorably, but i looked up and away and said something unimportant, perhaps to relieve pressure and attention from myself.
when i hit on girls i feel rude. seeking sex seems a rude activity for males. but as a man in society i am 'expected' to make these relationships. i am expected to hit on women. i am expected but not allowed to check women out. i don't want to cause women uncomfortability by looking at them. that makes me feel crappy and creepy.
i have this image of a guy bugging a girl for sex or a date and she rejecting him and being annoyed. that man is the lowliest most pandering and most scornful image in society, outside of violence and hate. i will not risk becoming anything like that even for a moment. to ask me to do so is wrong. i am here to make girls excstatic, not to be an unwelcome pest.
i don't want to be a sexual predator. sexual predators i know resort to being douchbags to get sex. my dad was so rude whenever he talked about sexual topics. it made me want to reject everything about sex in society.
i'd like to have sex a lot and be loved by women, but hitting on women can feel like coercion or an uncomfortably offensive gesture, and i could never do that. unless i knew it made her wet. i wish i had acted differently because it's 643am and i'm alone typing this instead of doing whatever i want to her body and building friendship and love with her.
what is wrong with me? what is wrong with culture? what did that girl expect me to say to her? if i had walked up to her and said her words how would she feel? what if i walked up to her and said "Hey Sexual Prey"? i think she would feel threatened and leave and that girls would avoid me out of fear or loathing. |