[syracusa]

We've all heard the line:
"There's no harder job than that of raising your kids".

First time I heard it I thought: "well, people who've been there must know what they're talking about, what do I know?". So I never questioned it.
But the more I live, the more I see first-hand and the more I learn, the more I think this is one of the biggest bunch of bunk that has ever been produced and sold in the popular culture.

Here are some parts from a recent review of new TV series "Desperate housewives" (this is what reminded me of this topic and made me post here).

<<We're pretty strict (as a society) about how to be a mother, especially these days," says the actress, who has two preschool children with her husband, actor William H. Macy ("Fargo"). There's the stay-at-home mom, where it's incredibly fulfilling and it's exactly what you've always wanted to do with your life and you've never wanted to do anything else. And then there's the career mom, which at this point seems to be looked down upon a little.
But no one talks about the woman who chose to stay home with her kids and is now going crazy, and has lost her sense of self and just doesn't love it all the time, finds it overwhelming at least some of the time. There is nothing harder than raising kids. A corporate job is a cakewalk by comparison, and I love giving a voice to the magnitude and the difficulty of motherhood.>>

I cannot believe that people have come to exagerate so much this "raising kids" thing to the point where we call it "the hardest job in the world". I find it so much more disturbing when in today's day and age a kid is not an "event" forced upon you but something that YOU yourself cause or bring about in full consciousness (hopefully).

One week ago I quit my full-time job in order to focus on finishing a PhD dissertation. These past 6 months of "corporate work" (well...it was "state work" but it still feels like a corporation) were one of the most miserable periods of my life. I held two similar jobs in the past (8 to 5, punching the clock, etc) and I was equally miserable every time.

Tired as H*LL and sleep deprived from having to get up at 6:00 am every day, feeling no control over my own life, feeling like I am somebody's prisoner 8-5 (talk about freedom!), reports with deadlines, demanding boss, impersonal co-workers, terrible back pain from sitting all day at a desk and not even being able to go out for lunch because I had to negociate geting the heck out of there one hour earlier to beat the nasty traffic.
ETC ETC ETC.

My better-off friends (to be read those who could fall back on a money-making machine husband) rushed off to have a baby as soon as they were done with school. Why? To have a reason to "stay home" and still pretend they're doing some earth-shattering favor to this world. In reality they only do it for themselves and their little "mommy egos".
So a new "job" entered their lives: that of "stay-at-home-mom".

Nobody seems to want to acknowledge that THERE MAY BE a harder job than the "stay-at-home". How about that of "forced-to-be-gone-all-day-mom" who is struggling to hold down a job (or two!!!) AND to raise kids?????

Boy, do I hear complaining and bitching from these "stay-at-homes" about each and every little thing the baby does and the "terrible" impact it has on their well-being, how hard it is, how it didn't burp the right way, how time consuming it is and how terible it was today when the baby dared to get up at 7:45 am and she had to do the same too!!!!!!

At the same time, none of these women seem to miss their work-out time, their store hopping and shop-until-you-drop hours during the day when the "losers" are at work and the "ladies" shop or "lunch" - even if that means carrying the babies with them.

A large part of these women's "hard-core work" is coming up with all kinds of funny-cutzie "baby-related" activities such as "let's drive "Precious Princess" to a photo-shoot for a baby catalogue, etc.

In their world THIS passes as heart-wrenching work. And everyone else is ready to believe them. Never mind that THEY chose do make the baby because THEY wanted all the fun and the cutziness associated with it as well as the glorified "mommy" status.

For all people, eating (hence job, unless you are a lucky bastard heir) is mandatory.
Babies are NOT mandatory - they are made for parents' pleasure and personal fulflillment.

So can we please stop proclaiming "rasing kids" as the "hardest job in the world"? That it requires a lot of dedication - this is true. But that it is harder than a "corporate job" - let's not exagerate.

Rather than going back to those 6 months from hell, I'd rather smell any amount of baby poop, deal with any sort of burps, diapers and kid noise - for the rest of my days.

When all is said and done, I would still be in charge of whatever the heck I am doing and I would still be doing it because I WANTED TO , not because I had no other choice (because I needed to eat).

And finally, after these final 6 months, I am just ready to pay my respects to all the men our there - who typically do no have the option of "staying-at-home" AND retain self- and societal respect at the same time... and who work their butts off to provide for their families and to give their wives the opportunity to play "mommy".

THIS is a much harder job, most men have to DEAL with it and I have nothing but gratitude for my wonderful husband who is now supporting me at home so I can finish a PhD, so I can stay in academia in my fancy "Ivory Tower" and never have to go back to that corporate/state Hell... and to also be able to play "perfect mommy" every day - soon.

And THIS is coming from a feminist.