[Nono]

Bill Bryson in "Notes from a Small Island":

"Hello, Clive here, I’m on the 10.07 and should be at HQ by 1300 hours as expected. I’m going to need a rush debrief on the Pentland Squire scenario. What, no I’m at the loop on Maris Pipers, listen can you think of any reason why anyone would employ a total anus like me? What’s that, because I’m the sort of person who’s happy as a pig in shit just because he’s got a mobile phone. Hey, interesting concept.

Then a few moments of silence and, Hello love, I’m on I’m on the 10.07 should be home by 5. Yes, just like every other night, no reason to tell you at all except I’ve got this phone and I’m a complete f**kwit. I’ll call again from Doncaster for no reason.

Then, Clive here yeah I’m still on the 10.07 but we had a points failure at Grantham so I’m looking now at an ETA 13.02 rather than the forecast 1300 hours. If Phil calls will you tell him that I’m still a complete f**kwit?"