[Sappho]

Quote by: NanaOP I sacrificed for my children my whole life!

I chose to have my children. I chose the sacrifice. I accept the consequences of my decision without impossing them on others as though they have to pay me back.

Quote by: NanaOP I married the step-father because he promised to take care of me and my kids. When we got married, he changed and said he was not going to support me and my "baggage"...so i left him, but i was in love so i believe him when he says he will change. So i went back and then i got pregnant with the half-brother...and then it was too late to leave. I tried to leave, go for counselling, prayer, everything to make marriage work...but constant fighting and arguments between him and my sons. Finally one son left to live with my ex...the other one stayed a couple more years and left also.

I was a teenage mother of two children in a domestic violence relationship with there father. I realised after the third and final separation that he was not going to change, and my children needed a better life than the psychological torture they and I were experiencing.

I had a duty to my children to protect them from harm - physical, spiritual and psychological harm. Staying in a dangerous and psychologically tourturous relationship was not protecting my children from harm.

Those who stay within such disruptive and damaging relationships should expect their children to up and leave quickly. You did your boys no favours and so they left.

Quote by: NanaOP I stayed so my 3rd son would not come from broken home like my other 2 boys.

What is wrong with a single parent family anyway that an aggressive and disruptive one should be better for the children?

Quote by: NanaOP Now my boys telling me they are glad my ex won instead of their step-father...if my current husband won the lotto, I would get 1/2...so obvioiusly my sons think it is better for my ex to have the money than ME.

They are glad their step dad didn't get the money because they don't like him. It has nothing to do with you.

And if it does have something to do with you, then they don't want you getting it because you are the cause of their miserable existance with their step father because you wouldn't leave the disfunction alone. You went back to it time and again to your sons detriment.

Quote by: NanaOP Better their dad who did not raise them than their mother who did everything for them.

Including keeping those children in a disfunctional family which has obviously affected them psychologically. They have no history with their father beyond the present. They have a full history with you past and present.

Be reasonable here.... think from their perspective if you want to understand them.

Quote by: NanaOP I told them how much it hurt my feelings but they do not understand...they even tell me they only give me 'some' money b/c they don't want the stepdad to know about it. They wanted to open a seperate account and give me money in there....Why? Why the judgements? WHy the conditions? Why they don't just give what they want to give and treat me with RESPECT like an adult? Why all of the secrecy and lies?

Because they don't want to negatively affect the new relationship they are developing with their biological father who so far, since turning up after a long break, seems to be treating them pretty well.

Quote by: NanaOP I told them my marriage is NONE of their business! Who are they to judge me? This is my marriage now. I am trying to make it work for the sake of my other 2 boys. If they want me to divorce before they will give me money... i will not do that!

I never heard in your first post such threats as this made by your boys. I though they put the money in your account and you peeved with the poultry amount gave it back to them.

Quote by: NanaOP If they do not want to share it OPENLY with me AND the step-dad AND their half/step brothers then i don't want any part of it...they can keep their precious money and sell their souls. My sons are the ones putting "conditions" on their gifts - not me. They can keep it! They reject ONE person in my marriage/family, they reject ALL Of us! It hurts to know they do not accept/love/support me but i will survive without them like i always do.

They don't like their step father. He treated them and you badly and that had an psychological effect. Deal with it!

It's offensive that a man who has treated you so poorly, as witness by your older sons, should have to be included in your boys family just because you say so. You show no regard for their feelings or their history of hurts. You allow no middle ground. You willfully give up your former children in preference of a man that has not been good to you.

Like I said before.

Get counselling. You seriously need it. You are not thinking properly in this matter. You need an outside mind to help YOU to understand, so that understanding might be reached between you and your two boys, lest the whole mess become irreconcillable.