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a) Did you either at one point decide to become gay or do you belive you alwasys were gay
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As cliche as it sounds, I was not even aware of the intricacies involving the label of "orientation" at the time I got involved in my first homosexual relationship.
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b) Did the change to homosexuality, or the discovery of your homosexuality hard to grasp and deal with internaly or did it actually feel natural.
this one is hard to word
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It felt natural both to me and my first partner- we were both around ten years old at the time. He was a sweet, kind, loving person and I wish he never moved away becasue I am sure things would have progressed naturally otherwise, instead of him becoming the self-loathing individual he is now.
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c) Was there a feeling like "my mind is telling me I should be hetro sexual, but my instincts and body tells me I like people of the same sex"
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Nope, I was more focused on the feeling of intimacy I got around him at the time. There was no dichotomy established in my mind by my parents or anyone else until I was later sent to a parochial school where they discussed such topics in the classroom with a shocking amount of vehemence.
In fact, the only time I truly felt "wrong" was when someone indirectly first broke it to me that what I was doing was an abomination to the god I supposedly worshipped- luckily, after losing my religious beliefs due to entirely unrelated reasons the self-conflict sort of dissappeared for good.